foodwinesex

A coworker of mine has caused a bit of a stir in the office with his new blog - foodwinesex. He's 52 and going through a divorce. He has also decided to visit the top 100 restaurants in San Francisco along with other top restaurants in other cities. GC started his blog to talk about his restaurant experiences along with the other stuff going on in his life. I love one observation in this post:

The emotional subtext of the [range of] reactions stem from a couple of phenomena I've begun to understand. When an individual exposes themselves nakedly and publicly, people have a hard time not looking while not looking away. It hits them at a very visceral level. Voyeurism is titillating but I would never let myself be so exposed. Emotional confusion. Another insight...people think they know me. There is a persona that everyone we know has built up around us as a shorthand to understanding who we are and to anticipate interpersonal reactions. When a dissonance, maybe a huge dissonance, is discovered some level of discomfort (or panic) ensues. I thought I knew him. My first reaction is to say "if this offends you, turn it off." Too glib. Instead I'll explain that this is the most basic stuff of my creative life. As I process the changes, turmoil, pain, exhilaration of where I am today, I want to use it to build something, to spin straw into gold. Alchemy.

This is all very true of my blog as well - although I haven't distributed it to as many people as publicly as GC. My brother, for example, doesn't know how to react to my blog. I think it makes him uncomfortable since he wouldn't do it himself - he's too guarded for it (as was I before going down this path). I've gotten comments from others like "good for you ... but I've never do it myself". All very understandable. As I told my therapist the other day, in general, my current philosophy is to be less guarded, to let people see the true me, and see what happens. Perhaps it will all backfire but I suspect more good will come of it than bad.

As an aside, this is post #100 to my blog. Amazing how many posts I've done in a relatively short period of time (4 months) - that's almost one per day.

Eccentricity

I've always wanted to be more eccentric. It seems that most successful and/or powerful people are eccentric in some way - some more than others. I randomly came across this post on 43 Folders in which the following question is raised: "In my quest to become more distinctive, I’m looking for suggestions of harmless eccentricities to adopt". The series of comments is very funny. My two favorites are: (1) "I label all of my white socks to keep the pairs 'monogamous' throughout their lives. I feel it leads to a more even wear." and (2) "My wife knew a German girl who kept a peach pit (stone) in her mouth at all times. The same one. All the time." In my case, perhaps I should demand that people call me "Notorious" from now on (see this post). I do sit on a balance ball at work instead of a desk chair. That's kind of eccentric. A coworker suggested that I grow a beard and mustache on the right side of his face and keep the left side unshaven. That would certainly be eccentric (possibly scary). But I do hate shaving and it would have the upshot of only have to shave half as much. Perhaps I should consider it. If you have ideas for other harmless eccentricities I can adopt, please let me know.

The labyrinth

Two weeks ago, I read an interview with Dr. Lauren Artress about walking the labyrinth. The labyrinth is a circular pattern found in ancient cultures world-wide and was used during the Middle Ages as a substitute for pilgrimages to Jerusalem (since travel at that time was so perilous). The most well-known is probably the labyrinth inlaid into the stone floor of Chartres Cathedral in France. Dr. Artress, Episcopal priest and psychotherapist, reintroduced the labyrinth as a form of walking meditation and a path of prayer in her book, Walking a Sacred Path.

There are two labyrinths at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco. Since Grace Cathedral is only half a mile from ACT, my wife and I decided to give this a try after our final play (see this post). I was very curious to see if I would gain any personal or spiritual insights from this ancient technique. In the interview, Artress says:

Walking the labyrinth really somehow turns the key and the lock for many people. Many people feel that we aren't living out what they're here for; that they haven't found their sealed orders. And, of course, sealed orders can change, too, as you move into a different phase of your life ... [The labyrinth] uses the metaphoric part of the brain. When you're walking the path, it is symbolic of your path in life. You realize that we're not only human beings on a spiritual path; we're spiritual beings on a human path. That beautiful inversion begins then as your spiritual self sees the bigger picture - [you realize] your presence here on earth is valuable, and you have something to contribute ... People who are very hard on themselves, beating themselves up, giving themselves negative messages all the time, begin to hear that in a new way. In fact, they begin to realize that they're doing it. And so the sense of ease, non-judgment and self-acceptance, all of those things flow out of the labyrinth walk ...

One woman came up to me and said, "You know, nothing happened to me in the labyrinth except I felt a deep sense of peace." I don't know what I said to her, but I may have said facetiously, "Oh, gee. I'm sorry. Only peace?" So we do discount. When somebody comes up and says nothing happened in the labyrinth, I always ask them, "What did nothing feel like?" Because then that connects them to the experience and then they realize they had a whole flow of feelings while they were in it.

When we got to Grace Cathedral, there was a wedding going on inside so we ended up walking the outdoor labyrinth. There was only one other woman there at the time. On my way towards the center, I remember getting frustrated that it was taking so long. It wasn't about the journey but about the destination (see this post). On the way out, I remember worrying that I hadn't paid attention and made a wrong turn - that I was going the wrong way. As Artress puts it, the labryrinth turned out to be a "mirror of the soul".

Afterwards, I compared notes with my wife. We both agreed the labyrinth was a good metaphor for life with all its twists and turns - sometimes coming quite rapidly and other times after long stretches of calm. I also made the observation that the path gets you pretty close to the center very quickly but then you wind your way back out to the perimeter for a long time before finally making your way to the center. I think that's an excellent metaphor for the spirtual journey that I'm on. I've had a burst of spiritual activity and got relatively close to God pretty quickly (see this post for example). But now I'm on this long, winding path trying to figure out what it all means and how I want to incorporate all of this into my life. I'm sure there will be plenty of twists and turns along the way, plenty of times when God seems very distant or that I'm going in the wrong direction. But the trick (as with the labyrinth) is to trust the path you're on. It will lead you where you want to go.

As Artress puts it, "you just simply follow the paths. A lot of people confuse this. [A labyrinth is] not a maze. It's actually designed to help you find your way. It's not designed for you to lose your way in it ... [People] are confused in our language. A maze has cul-de-sacs, dead-ends, many entrances or exits, and so you're brought out into the outer world, kind of trying to find your way. It's often anxiety-producing, too. A labyrinth, because it has one path, is really a spiritual exercise - you simply trust the path. Then you realize how much is in the way of just trusting the path, even though your cognitive mind knows that it will take you to the center. You meet yourself. You might be anxious. You might be judging. You might be scolding yourself that you're not going to do it right."

It's unfortunate I don't live closer to Grace Cathedral. I'd like to walk the labyrinth more often. I think it would be good for me. Perhaps it's just added incentive to visit my brother up in San Francisco more often.

Using the right instrument

My wife and I had season tickets to the American Conservatory Theater in San Francisco. The season just came to a close with a "gangster musical" called "Happy End". One of the characters is part of the Salvation Army and about to give a sermon about new technologies like the radio ("new" for 1929). She says that some people think it's crazy to believe in God because you can't see him. A French astronomer had searched the heavens with his telescope from one end of the galaxy to the other and was never able to find God. But he had been using the wrong instrument. You can't see radio waves and it's a little crazy to think that all these messages are magically flying through thin air. But when you have the right device tuned to the right frequency, suddenly a very real, undeniable message comes through loud and clear. God is the same way. He is always broadcasting but we must learn how to use our minds and our hearts to tune into his message.

Assisted suicide

A week and a half ago, I read an article in the newspaper about how the California state senate had rejected a bill that would have allowed the terminally ill (with less than 6 months to live) to opt for a lethal prescription (see this alternate article from the LA Times for more detail). It's an interesting issue - and one that I should have a position on. On the one hand, I definitely agree with giving people the right to "die with dignity" or end unbearable (or unnecessary) pain. On the other hand, I also agree that, given this legal option, government or health care providers might unduly steer people towards this option to shave costs. On net, though, I would have passed this piece of legislation. It has the right safeguards - evaluation by physicians, repeated statements of wishes, a two-week waiting period, and patients taking any lethal prescription themselves without help. The financial side of it is potentially tricky but I also believe that the free market would potentially correct itself (through supplemental insurance, patient advocacy, etc).

I think about Max and the suffering he was going through. I honestly believe that he would have chosen this option. And as painful as it was for me and my wife, I'm glad that we had this option available to us to end his suffering - rather than watch him wither away in pain.

The Jester

I revisited C.G. Jung's work on “archetypes” the other day. The last four archetypes are part of "the return". Specifically:

When the archetypes of the return are activated, people and organizations know who they are at a deeper level than they once did. Now they are motivated to seek out ways to use their gifts and perspectives to make a difference in the world. They no longer yearn to be taken care of, and they do not blame others or find excuses. Rather, they live and work in ways that express their values, commitments, and talents in a socially responsible manner. These archetypes generally are awakened and in balance within psychologically mature individuals and organizations able not only to benefit from the rights of living in a free society, but also to undertake the responsibilities of active, engaged citizenship.

In the context of Jung's journey, this would seem to be the life stage I'm entering. One of the archetypes in this stage is The Jester - "The Jester archetype urges us to enjoy the process of our lives. Although the Jester can be prone to laziness and dissipation, the positive Jester invites us all out to play - showing us how to turn our work, our interactions with others, and even the most mundane tasks into FUN."

I can definitely say that I'm trying to have more fun - especially at work. I did a post a couple of months ago about and LED belt buckle I got. I've done a number of movie events - including an outing to DaVinci Code. I was the voice of a phone application called "Karaoke Trax" (including singing such classics as "YMCA" myself). I even played a relatively elaborate practical joke on my boss and another co-worker - complete with cryptic clues as to the identity of the perpetrator.

Three other recent events highlight my emerging inner-Jester. Two weeks ago, a close co-worker of mine was leaving the company. After almost seven years of service, he moved to NYC so his wife could pursue a brain cancer research fellowship there. A number of us were disappointed to see him go and wanted to send him off in style. So we (mostly the "me" part of "we") organized a surprise lunch for him complete with Irish food, a roast, and a singing telegram by a Leprechaun (yes, he is Irish). Although I had asked others to speak at the roast, most of them backed out moments before the event. So I quickly repurposed a Powerpoint presentation he and I had worked on regarding a "Product Lifecycle" for the company and changed it into a "Roast Lifecycle" - basically doing a search-and-replace on "product" for "roast". Then I made up the rest as I went along. I've never had to think that quickly on my feet before from a comedic / performance perspective but it came off very well.

A couple of days ago, I was up in Anchorage, Alaska for a pledge-brother's wedding. The reception was held at a golf course and the room had a patio on one side. The patio was pretty narrow and then had a steep drop-off. Part way through the evening, I decided we should sled down the hill. A friend and I found a flipchart pad and we were off to the races. A number of people (including the groom) followed suit. The groom was so into it that he decided we should tumble down the hill. So he and I took off our dress shirts and rolled down the hill. I wasn't expecting to go so fast or be so dizzy at the bottom but I made it through just fine. I also tried to sled head-first down the hill but missed the flipchart and ended up with grass stains on my navy dress pants (hopefully the dry-cleaners will be able to get them out).

The third event is actually a work-in-progress. I'm organizing a talent show at work and will be both a performer and the MC. My act is still taking shape but will include some combination of stability balls and the song "Eye of the Tiger" (from the movie Rocky). I have lots of fun ideas for other acts but the real trick will be getting others to agree to perform in front of a number of co-workers. More info on this as it unfolds. The big event is Thursday, August 17.

My point here is that I couldn't see myself doing any of these things 5 years ago or really even 1-2 years ago. I like the change and hope it continues.

Praying for others

I find praying difficult. Sometimes praying for others seems easier, more selfless. But it can also be awkward. I never really know what to say or to ask for. I just read a good article on the subject in ExploreFaith.org. It contained the following process for praying for others:

1. Sit quietly and center yourself in the present moment.
2. Slowly read each name listed.
3. As you read imagine the name floating into your heart.
4. Bring your awareness to being in the presence of God.
5. Open your heart and ask God to read the names that are written there.
6. Thank God for the time you’ve spent together and for listening and answering you in your prayers.

This excerpt from the article is especially meaningful:

“Before they call I will answer, while they are yet speaking I will hear.” (Isaiah 65:24). God reads the prayers of our heart even before they have been formed into words or vocalized by our mouth. Prayer becomes not so much trying to remember the names and needs of each person or group. Rather the task of intercessory and petitionary prayer becomes opening our heart to receive all the needs and then asking the Holy One to read what is there. In some ways, it is more difficult than simply naming names and asking for God’s assistance, because it requires the full opening of the heart and soul to our own pain and the pain of the world. But, the God of love takes our offering and blesses our love. The God of love hears our heart and blesses those we love. The God of love lifts the needs from our heart and takes them into the heart of heaven. And we, we stand amazed, at the miracles that unfold.

When I've prayed for others in the past, I'd say it was more "naming names and asking for God's assistance" rather than "the full opening of the heart and soul to our own pain and the pain of the world". I'll have to try the latter sometime.

Justice

About a month ago, my brother pointed me to one of the "The Persian Letters" by Baron de Montesquieu. Wikipedia lists it as Letter 84 but it is actually Letter 83. My brother came across the letter in a book called the Portable Enlightment Reader and sent it to me in response to a post I did regarding everything happening for a reason. Specifically, I was struggling with the concept of free will and why people would want to choose to be good. The letter explains why God must be just (or good) and why people, despite having the choice to be just or unjust, should want to be just.

When I didn't immediately see the relevance of the letter, my brother sent me the following "study questions":

• In the second paragraph, what does "justice" mean? Why is it a "true relation" between things? What does it mean to be "just"?


• In the third and fourth paragraphs, what is the fundamental comment here on man? Why do men act unjustly? Why don't they naturally act justly?


• In the fifth paragraph, why can God not be unjust? How does this relate to your definition of being "just" from the second paragraph?


• In the sixth paragraph, why should men want to be just (or be like God) irrespective of whether they believe in God or not?

During a recent flight to Alaska (for a friend's wedding), I finally got a chance to look back at this material and think about the questions above. In terms of defining justice, the Golden Rule came to mind. It's essentially a matter of fairness and treating others as you would want them to treat you. A Google search brings back a number of results. One that I think is very relevant is an entry in Wikipedia on Justice (virtue). Specifically, it says:

In the Catholic religion, Justice is one of the four cardinal virtues. It is the moderation between selfishness and selflessness; treating all people equally to oneself and to each other ... It is closely related, in Christianity, to the practice of charity, because it regulates the relationships with others. It is a cardinal virtue, which is to say "pivotal" because it regulates all such relationships, and is sometimes deemed the most important of the cardinal virtues ... Justice between two individuals is known as individual, particular, or commutative justice -- "commutative" because it is particularly concerned with contracts and exchange.

As the third and fourth paragraphs of the letter point out, men often "act unjustly because it is their interest to do so ... no one is a villain gratis; there is always a determining motive, and that motive is always an interested one." Certainly, men act in self-interest all the time - seeking short-term advantage rather than long-term rewards (in this life or the next). God, on the other hand, does not operate in this fashion - seeking only for man to do right by eachother and to Him.

The letter goes on to say that "justice is eternal and independent of human conditions. And, if it were dependent on them, it would be a truth so terrible that we would be compelled to hide it from ourselves". While men act in their own self-interest, it is not in their self-interest to create a state of affairs where people are in "continual terror ... [moving] among men as among lions ... and [never feeling] sure for an instant of our property, our honour, [or] our lives." We don't randomly kill others - both because it's wrong but also because we would want others to have significant pause before seriously considering randomly killing us.

At a higher level, I find it interesting that I've never really thought about what "justice" means before. I just take it for granted. Makes me wonder what other fundamental concepts I need to dust off and revisit in this context.

Fourth Commandment

A couple of days ago, I picked up a copy of the July 3, 2006 issue of USA Today. In it, there was an article regarding honoring the Sabbath. Specifically:

Sabbath-keeping is going to be a countercultural activity, one requiring commitment and creativity. A day of rest does not have to be a Saturday or a Sunday - impossible for pastors and many others - but it should be at least one day out of seven, and qualitatively different from the other six. The key is to break away from work patterns, whether that means hobbies, sports or artistic activities. (Sabbath is related to the Hebrew verb meaning "to cease, stop, interrupt.") "Spend more time with people in a friendly way, with meals (and) extended conversations, but no talk related to work," advises theologian Marva Dawn, author of Keeping the Sabbath Wholly: Ceasing, Resting, Embracing, Feasting. New York Mets pitcher Pedro Martinez rests by engaging in gardening; for a professional gardener, though, Sabbath-keeping might involve playing baseball.

My sister-in-law HG does a very good job of this. I really don't. I guess I'm one of the 24/7 people the author is appealing to in his article. The message is actually quite similar to a recent post on stress management in which that author advises putting down your burdens periodically so you can recharge. Easier said than done for me but something I certainly aspire to.

fat2phat: Week 5 results

Well, just like that, I'm back up again. Not a big surprise. I haven't been focused on this, haven't been eating well (not terrible but not well), and haven't really been exercising. At any rate, I weighed myself yesterday morning and I was 204.6 pounds and 20.6% body fat (up almost a pound and a half from last week but the same as the week before that).

I was telling my wife yesterday that my weight-loss situation is actually pretty similar to the situation that the planet faces with global warming (see this post). From a long-term health perspective, there is "a substantial (and uncertain) time lag between cause and effect". From a day-to-day perspective, there is "inertia in all the key drivers of the problem [including] ingrained daily habits at the household level". And, from a time-allocation perspective, there are "a set of hard-wired incentives, career and otherwise, that inhibit focused attention and action on the issue". Especially since the end-point for my stated goal is Christmas, I'm currently in the mode of saying I'll start for real next week - that I have time so I'll focus on different things this week. That's like most people saying we have 10-20 (maybe 30-50) years to solve global warming so I don't need to make (inconvenient) changes in my lifestyle or daily habits today.

Winners & Losers

For Father's Day, my sister-in-law HG gave me a book called winner & losers by Sydney Harris. Published in 1973, the book is a collection of observations regarding the contrast between winner and losers. Examples include:

A winner
makes commitments;
a loser
makes promises.

A winner
isn't nearly as afraid
of losing
as a loser
is secretly
afraid of winning.

A winner listens;
a loser just waits
until it's his turn
to talk.

You get the point. It's a quick, interesting read but hard to turn the sayings into action. But the book could be a good source of quotes and/or inspiration in the future. Thanks, HG, for the gift.

Einstein and the Mind of God

I was reading through a different blog the other night as well - Potomac Current. Interestingly, it's written by a woman who lives in the D.C. area - where I grew up. Anyway, she had a good post called "Global Warming: Who Should We Believe?". But the one I really liked was called "Einstein and the Mind of God" - the best excerpts here:

There are those who believe that it strains credulity to think that Einstein would have thought in terms of the "mind of God." These observers disparage such a thought as a religious anthropomorphism of the kind that Albert Einstein criticized and abhorred. The truth about Einstein, however, is more subtle and more intriguing, as the truth often stubbornly insists on being. In fact, Einstein famously said that his entire effort in physics was in order to know the mind of God. Einstein, to be sure, also said that he did not believe in a personal God in the traditional sense and was interested in design rather than theology. He saw true religiosity as knowing that "what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms." When he was close to death, Einstein said, "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details." Clearly, although he was not orthodox, he had no qualms about using religious phraseology to evoke the wisdom and beauty of the universe that is beyond measure ... [We should] teach children by example to respect both science, as the study of the measurable aspects of the universe for which we have physical evidence, and spirituality, as the appreciation of the awe, mystery, and meaning that lie beyond the grasp of our limited instruments and dull faculties.

I actually don't think science and religion are incompatible. The more I learn about the elegance math and science, the more I appreciate God. And even though you can't definitively prove or disprove the existence or nature of God (as you could with the validity of a scientific hypothesis), I don't think it diminishes religion or the role it can play in our lives. You can't definitively prove or disprove how someone is feeling, but it doesn't invalidate the existence or legitamacy of those feelings. It's just different from your traditional scientific inquiry.

Stress management

I was browsing through blogs the other night. It's fascinating to see what other people write about in their blogs. One of the blogs I came across is called Master P and had a good post on stress management. I've copied it here for convenience:

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20 g to 500 g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued. "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!"

I need to remember this more often. And I could certainly use a vacation at the moment. Now that my nanotechnology class is over, hopefully I'll be able to (and allow myself to) take things a little easier for a couple weeks.

Global warming heating up

Activity around global warming is really heating up (pun intended). Over the weekend, I read an article from the Discovery Channel regarding a new report from the National Academy of Sciences saying that "recent warmth is unprecedented for at least the last 400 years and potentially the last several millennia" and that "human activities are responsible for much of the recent warming." No big surprise there but good to see that Congress requested such a report be generated. Today, I read an article in CNN.com regarding a case that the Supreme Court has agreed to take on - considering whether the Bush administration must regulate carbon dioxide to combat global warming (setting up what could be one of the court's most important decisions on the environment). It will certainly be interesting to see how that case unfolds.

fat2phat: Week 4 results

Weight can be such a random thing sometimes. That's why a friend of mine recommended focusing my goals around things that I control (frequency of workouts, quality of eating) than things I don't control (what the scale says). This week, I failed on the things I control - I ate poorly and didn't workout - but I succeeded on the thing I don't control - when I weighed myself this morning, I was 203.2 pounds and 19.9% body fat (down almost a pound and a half from last week).

Killing dragons

Last Sunday was Father's Day. In explorefaith.org, I read an interesting essay entitled "A Father's Day Card From My Son". This was the most relevant excerpt for me:

A few years ago, I received a Father’s Day card from my son Tim. On the front of it was a picture of a little boy sitting up in bed. Terror was written on his face. His hair was standing straight up, and the card said, "Dad, I want to thank you."

Well, I wondered, a Father’s Day card with this boy terrorized, had I done that to my son?
I opened the card up and it said, "I want to thank you for helping me kill all the dragons of my mind so I could go out and fight the real ones."

You know, we all have our dragons of the mind. My old professor, Conrad Sommers, the psychiatrist whom I trained under in St. Louis, said, "There are five drivers that get in the saddle and drive us. They’ve got spurs on their boots and they kick us, and all of our emotional miseries come from being dominated by one of those drivers."

Here are the drivers he listed: Be perfect. Please everybody. Try harder. Be strong. Hurry up. Have you got any of those driving you? At one time, I had them all.

These dragons of the mind keep us from going and fighting the real ones. They keep us from living in our humanity or experiencing God’s grace, and they certainly keep us from the joy of growth. We can’t take time to grow. We have to do it now. We’re driven by pleasing everybody and doing everything perfect. These are dragons of the mind.

Right now, I'd say all five dragons are driving me - especially "hurry up". With all the stuff I'm reading on global warming and nanotechnology, I'm quite eager to start doing something about it in a major way sooner than later. That's not realistic or prudent on a couple of different levels but it still really bugs me that I'm not going faster on all this. I was talking to someone about this the other day and made the observation that it's taken me 14 years (perhaps longer) to get to where I am in my current field (including four years of college study). So it's not surprising that it might take longer than 3 months to make the jump to an entirely different field. My rationale mind knows that but my irrational heart doesn't want to hear excuses. It wants action and it wants it now.

Collective Good

I just read about a cool service called Collective Good that recycles spare mobile phones, pagers, and PDAs. As this TerraBlog entry points out, this is valuable for a couple of important reasons:

• Recycling reduces waste. There are about 200 million mobile phone users in the US, and they replace their cell phones every 18 months. This adds up to about 130 million surplus cell phones per year, weighing about 65,000 tons. The cumulative total of retired mobile phones in the US is about 600 million and growing.


• If not recycled, these cell phones will end up in landfills, where they may leach toxic materials such as mercury and lead.


• Cell phones contain precious metals such as gold. Reclaiming these metals reduces pressure for environmentally destructive mining.

The intriguing thing to me is that Collective Good pays people for the used devices by making charitable donations or giving people content (like ringtones). That's the real trick in my mind around programs like this or solutions to global warming in general - giving people an economic incentive to do the right thing. Perhaps that's where I'll be able to do my part over time - coming up with good business models that are also environmentally sound.

fat2phat: Week 3 results

I did my week 3 weigh-in earlier this week for fat2phat but didn't have time to post the results. I was 204.6 pounds and 20% body fat - so basically no change from the prior week. I started off the week really well but things have gone downhill since then - mostly due to lots of eating out. It will be interesting to see what my week 4 results are in a couple of days.

All look same?

Last week, I did an online test to see if I could accurately identify people who are Chinese, Japanese, and Korean. I'm sad to say I only correctly identified 6 out of 18 of the people. My brother got 10 out of 18 correct. The overall average is 7. I'm actually pretty embarassed by how poorly I did. In a world that's becoming more global by the moment, it's unfortunate that I'm not more culturally aware or more proficient in other languages. I suppose I could devote a bunch of time to improving in this area but it's all a balancing act - and, honestly, right now this isn't a priority for me. But it is important to acknowledge it's a deficiency and potential blind-spot for the future. Hopefully others in my life can balance this out for me.

The perfect problem

I just read an interesting article describing global warming as the "perfect problem" for its uniquely daunting confluence of forces:

• complex and inaccessible scientific content


• a substantial (and uncertain) time lag between cause and effect


• inertia in all the key drivers of the problem, from demographic growth to long-lived energy infrastructure to ingrained daily habits at the household level


• psychological barriers that complicate apprehension and processing of the issue, due in part to its perceived remoteness in time and place


• partisan, cultural, and other filters that cause social discounting or obfuscation of the threat


• motivational obstacles, especially the futility associated with what is perhaps the quintessential "collective action problem" of our time


• mismatches between the global, cross-sectoral scope of the climate change issue and the jurisdiction, focus, and capacity of existing institutions


• a set of hard-wired incentives, career and otherwise, that inhibit focused attention and action on the issue

There is a much longer report generated by these top thinkers (see PDF) but I haven't had a chance to read it yet. I guess it's a good thing that my purpose in life is solving complex problems because this one is as complex as they get.

Photosynthesis

I finished my second paper for my nanotechnology class today (download here). The paper is about biomimicry and photosynthesis - how man-made solar cells can benefit from a deeper understanding how nature has perfected photosynthesis over multiple centuries. I was surprised by how intricate it all is. I don't remember it being that complicated when I studied it in high school. At any rate, if you need some bedtime reading, check out the paper and let me know what you think.

Compilations

At the end of JD's preschool year, the teacher asks the parents to do a "compilation" of the year for each child in the class. It was up to the parents to decide what they wanted to do. In my case, I wrote JD a short letter with various photos from the last year as a border:

Dear JD,

You're becoming such a big boy. I love you very much and I'm so happy you're my son. You are kind and gentle. You take care of AJ. You are a great helper for me and Mommy. You are curious and like to try new things. You are creative and confident and do your own thing. You love your family and they love you.

I'm so proud of you and will always love you no matter what.

Love,
Daddy

My wife blew me away by writing a poem for her compilation (available here). I was really impressed with how quickly the poem came together. My wife has some serious talent.

I was commenting to my therapist the other day that I think my personal happiness peaked when I was four years old. Hopefully that won't be the case for JD (and AJ). He's such a wonderful, happy little boy. As he gets older, I really hope he doesn't lose his current joy for life.

Paradox of our times

My accountant sent me an inspirational presentation this morning (download Powerpoint slideshow). I assume it's making its way around the Internet. For those of you who don't want to download the file, here is the message contained in it:

Today we have bigger houses and smaller families
More conveniences , but less time

We Have More degrees, but less common sense
More knowledge , but less judgment

We have more experts, but more problems
More medicine, but less wellness

We spend too recklessly
Laugh too little
Drive too fast
Get to angry too quickly
Stay up too late
Read too little
Watch TV too much
And pray too seldom

We multiplied our possessions, but reduce our values
We talk too much, love too little and lie too often

We’ve learned how to make living, but not a life
We’ve added years to life, not life to years

We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints
We spend more, but have less
We buy more, enjoy it less
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back
But have trouble crossing the street to meet our neighbors.
We’ve conquered outer space,
But not inner space
We’ve split the atom
But not our prejudice

We write more, learn less, plan more, but accomplish less
We’ve learn to rush, but not to wait,

We have higher incomes , but lower morals
We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies
But have less communications
We are long on quantity,
But less in quality
These are the time of fast foods and slow digestion
Tall men and short character

More leisure and less fun more kinds of foods but less nutrition
Two incomes but more divorce
Fancier houses but broken homes

That’s why I propose, that as of today, you do not keep anything for special occasion, because every day you live is a special occasion. Search for knowledge, read more, sit on your front porch and admire the view without paying attention to your needs. Spend more time with your family and friends, eat your favorite foods, and visit the places you love. Life is a chain of moment of enjoyment, not only about survival. Use your crystal goblets, do not save your best perfume, and use it every time you feel you want it. Remove from vocabulary phrases like "one of these days" and "someday". Let’s write that letter we thought of writing "one of these days". Let’s tell our families and friends how much we love them. Do not delay anything that adds laughter and joy to your life . Every day, every hour, and every minute is special. And you don’t know if it will be your last.

These are all good things to be reminded of. I do wonder, however, how specific this paradox is to our time versus previous generations. This is the only time I've known. I hear about the "good old days" when life was slower, families were closer, and everything was simpler. But I'm not convinced that's actually true. Every generation has had its challenges. These happen to be ours.

fat2phat: Week 2 results

I did my week 2 weigh-in this morning for fat2phat. I was 204.4 pounds and 19.6% body fat (see updated spreadsheet). So up almost two pounds from last week and up about a pound from the initial weigh-in. Last week, I commented that my weight loss seemed like a fluke. Obviously it was. This past week, I managed to exercise twice (one trip to the gym and one day walking to/from work) but my eating was pretty pathetic. I was definitely in grazing mode a lot. To combat that, I'm going to keep a food log this week. In general, though, I've got to admit that I'm not particularly motivated to lose weight at the moment. There's so much other stuff going on right now that I don't want another thing to worry about.

How can we solve this problem?

It's always interesting to see what will come out of JD's mouth. Recently, he has started calling me on my mobile phone. Today, he called me at work to let me know that he was making a family dinner with my wife and that we needed to have dinner soon. He went on to point out that I was going to need to be at work for a long time. Then he said, "Daddy, how can we solve this problem?" I wasn't quite expecting that question. I ended up saying, "I guess we can solve this problem by me leaving work and coming home for dinner". He seemed to like that answer.

It's amazing to me to see how much of a sponge JD is for stuff like this. The other day, he and AJ were fighting over who would get the Bob the Builder plate for dinner. I asked JD, "you both want this plate ... how can we solve this problem so you can both be happy?" A couple of moments later, JD said "I know, we can take turns with the plate". Problem solved. Apparently JD's preschool teacher uses a similar approach in class. Who knew JD was paying such close attention. Makes me wonder when he's going to repeat something I've said or done that I'm not so proud of.

06/06/06

Yesterday was June 6, 2006 - 06/06/06 - or 666. I just read an interesting article from the Discovery Channel saying that the date (and the number 666) shouldn't be feared. While many believe that 666 is the mark of Satan, Phillips Stevens Jr., associate professor of anthropology at the State University of New York's University at Buffalo, says "the number of the beast" refers to Rome, Roman emperors, and Roman cults of god and emperor-worship - and the despotic emperor Nero in particular. As I've gotten a little more into religion, it's been interesting to see all the things that people think they know about the Bible that either aren't true or could reasonably be interpretted in a number of divergent ways. I suppose that's why there is so much contention over religion.

fat2phat: Week 1 results

I did my week 1 weigh-in this morning for fat2phat. I was 202.8 pounds and 18.7% body fat. So down almost a pound from the initial weigh-in but still 12.8 pounds to my goal. Honestly, I'm a little surprised I lost any weight at all. It seems a little random considering I didn't eat particularly well and I didn't work out. If I have another week like last week, I wouldn't be surprised if I bounce back up to where I was before (or slightly higher).

An Inconvenient Truth: Part 2

A little over a month ago, I did a post regarding Al Gore's new movie "An Inconvient Truth". I went and saw the movie tonight. I also bought Al Gore's new book (of the same name) last weekend. The book actually parallels the movie very closely - and both are based on a presentation that Gore has been refining over a number of years in front of over 1,000 audiences. It's powerful stuff and I'd highly recommend you all check it out. We all need to solve this problem and we don't have much time to do it.

Letting go of Max

Our first cat Max passed away a little over a year ago (the day before AJ's first birthday). He wasn't that old by indoor cat standards but cancer took his life prematurely. My wife and I were with Max when he passed into the next life. We actually made the decision to end his suffering and put him to sleep (see this early post that included this decision and my belief in prayers being answered). Max was cremated and his ashes sat on our dresser for the last year. We had always planned on spreading his ashes somewhere scenic but we never got around to it. With the one year anniversary of his death, we decided it was time to finally set him free.

Today (fittingly Memorial Day), we went over to Shoreline Park and spread Max's ashes by the water where the birds like to congregate. It was a beautiful day and I think that Max would have approved of the location (see these photos). My wife and I walk at Shoreline regularly so we'll get to visit him often. And there is plenty of wildlife activity there to keep him busy when we're not around. Since he was an indoor cat, we never let him go outside on his own. Now, he's finally free to explore the great outdoors to his heart's content.

While we said our final goodbyes today, I actually let Max go a number of months ago. After his death, I thought I was ok with his passing but I wasn't. There were still many things left unsaid and unresolved. Finally, one night, I decided to pray about it. For whatever reason, I really struggled with it. I couldn't bring myself to start. I couldn't figure out what to say. After about 10-15 minutes of this, I decided to focus on my breathing. Eventually I didn't notice my breathing and my mind went completely clear. I knew it was time to begin so I did. I told God that I needed to let Max go and I needed Max to let me go. I also asked to speak to Max for a moment. I genuinely believe that God opened a channel for me directly to wherever Max was. I said some things to Max that needed to be said (and cried heavily in the process). Then I could tell that the signal was fading so I wrapped things up. Afterwards, I was completely spent. I simply laid on the ground (in the dark) for probably 20 minutes. This was the second time I've felt God's direct presence (see this post for the first time about 12 years ago).

Max was a special creature and my family was very lucky to have him in our lives. We still love him and look forward to being reunited with him at some point in the future.

To-do lists

I suppose it's never too early to start making to-do lists. I'm only half-kidding. My older son JD was reading Frog and Toad Together yesterday. In one of the stories, Toad decides to make a list of all the things he's going to do that day. So JD (without any prompting from me or my wife) decided to make his own list of "things to do today":

• Wake up
• Get dressed
• Have breakfast
• Put on church clothes
• Go to church
• Have lunch
• Take off church clothes
• Have quiet time
• Play with AJ
• Eat dinner
• Clean up
• Watch a show
• Brush teeth
• Get into PJs
• Read books
• Go to bed

As JD did these things throughout the day, he'd cross them off his list (just like Toad). I make plenty of lists too. I actually haven't found a personal organizational scheme that I really like yet. I had a day-planner for a while but I couldn't stand transferring entries from one day to the next by hand. I've read some of David Allen's work (Getting Things Done) but managing whole-life to-do lists becoming unwieldy without proper software support. The current system I'm using is GooToDo. It's a pretty cool little Web-based tool that I would highly recommend to others. It's not perfect by any means but it's convenient for scheduling to-do's in the future (but not seeing them now) and prioritizing taks for a particular day. Also, you can email tasks to yourself and have them show up on a particular day. The main thing that it's not good at is managing what David Allen refers to as "someday/maybe" items (items that don't have a specific target completion date but things that you want to remind yourself of and not lose track of). Also, the tool is only useful if you're online. I haven't figured out a great way to use it offline.

The time management quest continues. There's a big part of me that wishes, however, that my list of "things to do today"was as simple as JD's.

fat2phat: initial weigh-in

Today kicked off the new fat2phat (see this post). I weighed 203.6 pounds with a body fat percentage of 19.1%. I've noticed that the body fat percentages on my scale are pretty suspect - or at least very sensitive to factors like hydration - so I wouldn't put much stock in that. Anyway, I weighed 203.6 pounds. So, relative to my goal of 190 pounds by Christmas, I have 13.6 pounds to go - or an average of 0.45 pounds per week. You can chart my progress with this spreadsheet (download here).

A Number

My wife and I have season tickets to the American Conservatory Theater (ACT) in San Francisco. It's been an interesting experiment. I've really enjoyed the plays but it's a hassle to rush to and from the city because of the kids. Perhaps we'll circle back on season tickets again when the kids are older.

Today's performance, A Number, was particularly thought-provoking. The play was about a father who clones his son to have another chance at being a good father. His wife committed suicide and he was an alcoholic. Some time after his wife's death, the father sends his biological son (who is hard to handle) off but clones him first. He then starts over as a father with the cloned son - without realizing that the cloning company had created "a number" of additional clones without his knowledge. During the play, the father is confronted by his biological son and two of the clones.

In the context of genetic research and engineering, stem cell research, animal cloning, etc, the play raises a number of questions that are hard to answer. One hard question is whether the clone is the same or different person from the source. Does the clone have a soul? In the program, there is an essay by Brian Alexander called "Biology Is Not Destiny". In it, he points out:

There is no such thing as "exactly the same genetic person," especially when it comes to the hypothetical idea of cloning a human being in a lab. There are scientific reasons for this. For example, the mitochondria, the little powerhouse of cells, have a small number of their own genes. When a cell from a person to be cloned is placed into an egg to begin the process, that egg will not have the same mitochondrial DNA as the mother's egg used to conceive the original person. Second, the way in which genes are switched on and off, epigenetics, varies according to many, often unknown circumstances, including our environment. And of course, a clone would probably not gestate in the same mother and certainly not at the same time. In other words, identical twins would be closer genetic copies than any lab-created human clone could ever be. Yet even they soon diverge genetically in small ways. We are all unique.

Assuming all this is true, it would seem that the clone would be his or her own person and have their own soul.

Another interesting question raised by the play is the influence of nature vs nurture on the type of person someone becomes over time. In chaos theory (see this post), one property of chaotic dynamics is sensitivity to initial conditions. This means that two points in a chaotic system may move in vastly different trajectories in their "phase space" even if the difference in their initial configurations is very small. The systems behave identically only if their initial configurations are exactly the same. So, from a nature perspective, the very slight genetic differences described by Alexander could lead to very different outcomes later in life. I think it's also fairly obvious (at least to me) that even if a person is genetically predisposed to be excel in a particular area, nurture plays a big role in whether the person will actually achieve that potential (or go in an entirely different direction).

The last important question I'll mention is whether it makes sense to clone a human being or pet when they pass on. When we lose someone or something that is important to us, it's very tempting to want to bring them back or to have another chance to right previous wrongs. It's hard to argue against the desire. But, if Alexander is correct (and I assume he's done proper research), you can't literally bring that exact person or thing back. You'd be bringing back someone that is substantially similar (at least genetically) but it's an entirely different person. Also, from a spiritual perspective, if you believe that everything happens for a reason (see this post), it was that person's (or pet's) proper time to go - even if it doesn't make sense at the time.

Anyway, lots of interesting questions raised by this play. I don't claim to have any real answers but those are some thoughts to consider.

Jesus: Unplugged

I read an interesting article in Metro Silicon Valley today. It's about an evangelical church in Santa Cruz called the Vintage Faith Church. While it has a traditional Christian focus and message, its gatherings are much more informal and hip than your typical church. Patrons wear flip-flops and jeans to services rather than their Sunday best. This particularly appeals to younger members - or as the article puts it, members of the "postmodern generation". Dan Kimball (a proponent of Emergent Christianity) got the idea for the distinctive services while watching MTV:

"Late one night, I happened upon the band the Cranberries playing an Unplugged concert on MTV. It was an all-acoustic performance. The state was draped with a dark, rich fabric and lit by candelabras. It looked more like a grandmother's attic than a rock-concert venue, and I was struck by the simplicity of it. No fancy light shows or drumset risers. I also noticed how close the audience was seated to the musicians. There wasn't a giant separation between the two groups. Rather, they were all sort of together in a 'community.' I immediately felt there was something very interesting to this 'unplugged' approach."

I have to admit. All the formality of traditional religious services is one of the things that keeps me away. I'd much prefer an informal discussion environment to a formal preaching environment. Perhaps this approach will catch on more broadly. Or perhaps it will be a passing fad. Hopefully it will be the former.

fat2phat revisited

About two years ago, I decided I needed to lose some weight. I weighed 235 pounds at the time. I set a goal for myself to lose 40 pounds in a year (a process I called "fat2phat"). It ended up taking me about 10 months to reach my goal. Since then, I've kept the weight off but recently it's been creeping back on. The last time I weighed myself (about 1-2 weeks ago), I weighed about 205 pounds. So, time for a new goal. By Christmas (7 months from now), I want to lose 15 pounds and get down to 190 pounds. That's realistic - it's about 2 pounds per month. When I lost weight the last time, I lost about 2 pounds per week.



To build some accountability into this process, I'm going to post an update on this blog once a week (every Sunday morning). The first one will be in two days. That will be the official weigh-in and starting point for improvement.

Al Gore

The more I read or hear about Al Gore, the more I like him. The latest thing was a brief interview in Men's Health magazine (PDF version here). I wonder how things would have played out differently if Gore had been elected President. Then again, perhaps the reason behind his close defeat was allowing him to focus exclusively on global warming. In the article, he offers four basic guidelines:

• When a direction feels right, go that way to find out why. Fulfillment usually follows.
• Solve one problem. You may find you're inspired to solve more.
• There are a lot of us on the planet, and we do a lot of damage. We can also fix a lot of things, if we choose.
• Everyone needs a purpose in life. Even puppies.

On the third point, Gore makes an interesting observation: "Look, in the long run the earth is going to be fine. It's humans who are at risk." On the last point, he offers this story about puppies and purpose:

When I was in my 20s, my wife and I got a little puppy at the pound. We asked a dog trainer to give us some pointers. She said, "Okay, step one: What is this puppy going to do?" I said, "What do you mean? He's going to be a puppy!" She said, "No, no, no: Is he going to get the newspaper? Be a watchdog? Herd sheep?" And she said something very simple, but to me it came off as profound: "A puppy has to have a purpose." A lot of men out there don't feel like they have a purpose.

The last interesting thing in his article is a quote from scripture that Gore says often: "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might."

Emergence

It's interesting to see the unexpected connections that you form between your different interests. In response to this post regarding everything happening for a reason, my brother suggested that I look into chaos theory (see Wikipedia along with this excellent brief introduction). In mathematics and physics, chaos theory describes the behavior of certain nonlinear dynamic systems that under certain conditions exhibit a phenomenon known as chaos. Among the characteristics of chaotic systems is a sensitivity to initial conditions (popularly referred to as the butterfly effect). As a result of this sensitivity, the behavior of systems that exhibit chaos appears to be random, even though the system is deterministic in the sense that it is well defined and contains no random parameters. Examples of such systems include the atmosphere, the solar system, plate tectonics, turbulent fluids, economics, and population growth.

The butterfly effect is particularly interesting. The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that ultimately cause a tornado to appear (or, for that matter, prevent a tornado from appearing). The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale phenomena. Had the butterfly not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different. On some level, this isn't all that different from my idea that seemingly random things happen in our lives sometimes since they serve some greater purpose (that is unknown to us at the time but has ripple effects within and across people's lives).

In the context of nanotechnology (see this post), this got me thinking about the concept of emergence. Size matters much more with nanotechnology than most other fields since many of the properties that apply at the macroscale do not apply at the nanoscale. Ratner describes cutting a cube of gold into smaller and smaller pieces. He observes that:

“All the gold bricks’ physical and chemical properties will be unchanged. This much is obvious from our real-world experience – at the marcoscale chemical and physical properties of materials are not size dependent. It doesn’t matter whether the cubes are gold, iron, lead, plastic, ice, or brass. When we reach the nanoscale, though, everything will change, including the gold’s color, melting point, and chemical properties. The reason for this change has to do with the nature of the interactions among the atoms that make up the gold, interactions that are averaged out of existence in the bulk material. Nano gold doesn’t act like bulk gold.”

Ratner further points out that the “coupling of size with the most fundamental chemical, electrical and physical properties of materials is key to all nanoscience.” With the Big Bang, particles of energy and atoms were created with certain properties that govern all larger building blocks and processes of life on Earth. Atoms combine to form molecules, molecules combine to form molecular networks, and so on up to the planet’s ecosystem. With each new level of atomic construction, new properties and interactions emerge that did not exist at the previous level (but are governed by the properties of the preceding levels). One way to think about this is as a complex system – specifically “a system whose properties are not fully explained by an understanding of its component parts. Complex systems consist of a large number of mutually interacting and interwoven parts, entities or agents.” In response to the complexity of the interactions that take place at each level of nature, various (layered) disciplines have emerged: math as operating system of the universe, physics as the universe in motion, chemistry as physics in motion, biology as molecular networks, and ecology as interconnected networks.

Within this context, one interesting concept is scale-free networks. According the Wikipedia, “a scale-free network is a specific kind of complex network [in which] some nodes act as ‘highly connected hubs’ (high degree), although most nodes are of low degree.” One important property of scale-free network is that they are self-similar – meaning each part of the network is “exactly or approximately similar to a part of itself”. One example of a self-similar structure is a fractal. As the Wikipedia says, “in colloquial usage, [a fractal] denotes a shape that is recursively constructed or self-similar, that is, a shape that appears similar at all scales of magnification and is therefore often referred to as ‘infinitely complex.’” Many objects within nature including clouds, snowflakes, mountains, river networks, and systems of blood vessels have been shown to be fractal in nature. (Sound familiar? Fractals are also important in chaos theory!)

This is not surprising, however, given that all of these macrostructures are built up of atoms. In studying the connectedness of the Web, physicist Albert-Laszlo Barabasi and his colleagues at the University of Notre Dame “found that the probability p(k) that a node in the network connects with k other nodes was, in a given network, proportional to k^−γ. The degree exponent γ is not universal and depends on the detail of network structure. Numerical values of the exponent γ for various systems are diverse but most of them are in the range 2 < γ ≤ 3.” Within the world of atoms, the maximum electrons in the nth shell is computed as 2n^2. Atomic valence dictates possible chemical reactions, chemical reactions drive biological functions, and so on. Nature becomes an “infinitely complex” system that “appears similar at all scales of magnification” and is ultimately governed by fundamental properties at the atomic and subatomic level. (Note: The connection between atomic valence and the properties of scale-free networks is potentially a stretch on my part but an interesting one in my opinion) Many people think science and mathematics are at odds with religion. They think science and math make God irrelevant. I actually think they could be helpful in terms of understanding how God operates and interacts with us in our daily lives. When you look at how nature operates and how elegant mathematics is, it's hard for me to believe that God doesn't have a hand in it. It's just all too perfect to be that way by chance (or even things like natural selection). Bringing all this together, two interesting questions to think about are: (1) If different properties emerge as you put more and more atoms together, what properties emerge as you put more and more people together? How are these properties influenced through a combination of God's will/plan and human free will? and (2) Even though life seems random and chaotic, could it really be "deterministic in the sense that it is well defined and contains no random parameters"? Can chaos theory help us better understand the nature of God's relationship with man?

Nanosolar

I'm taking another online course through Foothill College. This time the topic is nanotechnology. The Wikipedia states that "nanotechnology comprises technological developments on the nanometer scale, usually 0.1 to 100 nm [1nm = one billionth of a meter or the width of approximately ten hydrogen atoms] ... Nanotechnology is any technology which exploits phenomena and structures that can only occur at the nanometer scale, which is the scale of several atoms and small molecules." The course overview defines nanotechnology as "the study, design, creation, synthesis, manipulation, and application of functional materials, devices, and systems through control of matter and energy at the nanometer scale". And the United States' National Nanotechnology Initiative (per Glenn Fishbine) defines it as follows: "Research and technology development at the atomic, molecular or macromolecular levels, in the length scale of approximately 1 - 100 nanometer range, to provide a fundamental understanding of phenomena and materials at the nanoscale and to create and use structures, devices and systems that have novel properties and functions because of their small and/or intermediate size. Nanotechnology research and development includes manipulation under control of the nanoscale structures and their integration into larger material components, systems and architectures. Within these larger scale assemblies, the control and construction of their structures and components remains at the nanometer scale."

Nanotechnology sits at the nexus of physics, chemistry, biology, material science, computer science, and many other scientific and technical disciplines - its multi-disciplinary nature is a distinguishing characteristic of nanotechnology. As Ratner points out, "the interdisciplinary nature of nanotechnology may explain why it took so long to develop. It is unusual for a field to require such diverse expertise. It also explains why most new nano research facilities are cooperative efforts among scientists and engineers from every part of the workforce."

At a business and economic level, the worldwide annual industrial production in the nanotech sectors is estimated to exceed $1 trillion ten to fifteen years from now and will require about 2 million nanotechnology workers (according to M.C. Roco ,Chair, WH/NSTC/Nanoscale Science, Engineering and Technology Subcommittee (NSEC), and Senior Advisor, NSF). Nanotechnology has applications in a variety of fields including semiconductors, electronics, energy/power, and life sciences. Many people believe that nanotechnology will have an equivalent or greater impact on society in the years to come than computers and telecommunications have had in the last three decades. The NNI has even dubbed it "The Next Industrial Revolution"

My interest in nanotechnology stems from wanting to help solve the global energy crisis and save the planet from the continued effects of global warming (see this post or this one). One area of research and commercial application that is especially interesting to me is solar cells. For my midterm paper, I did a technology review of solar cell technology and a local startup company called Nanosolar (paper available for download in PDF format). Nanosolar, along with a handful of other companies, are trying to apply nanotechnology and manufacturing process innovations (such as roll-to-roll printing) to dramatically drive down the cost of solar cells while either maintaining or improving their current power efficiency. We all need Nanosolar (or some other company in this space) to succeed. By 2050, carbon dioxide levels will be roughly three times pre-industrial levels and will only level-off if we can generate approximately 15 terawatts of energy (roughly the entire worldwide energy production today!) from non-carbon sources. That's a tall order and pretty soon I suspect I'll be working more directly on making it a reality.

Everything happens for a reason

This past Wednesday was AJ's birthday. I decided to take the day off from work but ended up getting sick the night before. I was able to make it to AJ's party but I spent most of the day in bed. That sort of turn of events would normally bother me but it didn't that day. I had a sense it was happening for some reason beyond my comprehension and I simply accepted it. It was an interesting feeling.

In my world view post, I stated that one of my spiritual beliefs is that "everything happens for a reason – even if the reason isn’t immediately apparent." A couple of weeks later, I did a post on good and evil that included Zoroastrianism and free will. I've been thinking about this topic a little more since then and I'm beginning to converge on a concept I like that's ironically based on computer chess. Let me explain.

When I was at MIT, one of our programming assignments was to write a computer chess program. The way that a computer plays chess is that it looks at all the permutations of moves it could make along with all the permutations of moves the opponent could make in response and scores each board configuration. Also, like the best human chess players, the computer looks a number of moves ahead - so it might be willing to sacrifice a piece now to maximize its advantage in the future.

So here's the concept. What if all human beings on Earth are part of an elaborate multi-player game of computer chess? God's objective is to get as many people as possible to use their free will to choose good over the long term. At each moment of time, God looks at all the permutations of moves that he can make. He can change environmental factors (like the weather) and also plant ideas into each person's head. Let's say the Devil can plant ideas in people's heads as well. Now, God looks at all the moves he can make at that instant in time along with all the choices that people could make in response and looks ahead an infinite number of moves (scoring each board configuration relative to his objective). He then makes a move with each person simultaneously. An instant later, each person makes their move in response - using their free will to embrace or ignore God's suggestions (or the Devil's suggestions) or do something entirely different. With these decisions made, entire sets of possible future outcomes are eliminated but others are created. Then God picks his next set of moves and the process continues instant by instant.

Now, the thing that is interesting is that God can plant ideas in one person's head about someone else and the decisions that one person makes can influence the circumstances or outcomes of other people. So it's an impossibly complex analysis / optimization problem to perform in real-time - as there would be an infinite number of permutations to consider. But God conceivably has infinite computing / parallel-processing capacity and could actually pull this off. Also, in chess, both players share the same objective. In life, individual people might be trying to optimize for a different outcome than God. Therefore, when considering the range of moves that people might make, God would need to probability-weight the person's set of possible actions. The only way to accurately do this would be to know what's in (or could develop in) the person's mind and heart - which only an omnipotent God could know.

Coming back to everything happening for a reason, something bad (or good) could happen in my life now because it's relevant to a situation 2,000 moves in the future. Alternatively, something could happen in my life now not for my benefit but for the benefit of someone else. It might be important that other person observe and learn from my life now since it will be relevant to them 1,856 moves in their future.

None of this explains (1) why people have free will in the first place and (2) why the Devil exists and why God allows him to persist and influence human beings, but it does potentially explain events that might otherwise seem random to us. Also, it might begin to explain why bad things happen to good people. For example, in chess, you may choose to sacrifice a piece to lure the other player in. In life, God may give people hardships to prepare them for future challenges or to motivate them to seek his fellowship. Or he might actually give one person a hardship to act as a wake-up call to a number of other people (either direct acquaintances or people who hear of the hardship second-hand). Again, he's maximizing a (very) long-term, not short-term outcome.

Just a theory at this point. Needs more work and refinement. Feedback very welcome!

DaVinci Code

I organized a small team-building event this afternoon to go see DaVinci Code (DVC). It was a decent movie. I don't think I would have enjoyed it as much if I hadn't read the book. It was interesting to see how certain parts of the book were translated onto the big screen but I'm also not sure that the movie would have totally made sense without the prior reading. Even though critics are complaining the movie is too long, I'm not sure how they could have made it any shorter and had it still hang together. Definitely no need to see this movie in the theater. DVD would be fine - and then you'd get all the special features too.

It really amazing to see all the interest and controversy around this book and movie. The movie theater (for a 12:30pm showing) was totally packed. I ended sitting off on the right in the third row from the screen! People are talking about the movie on the radio. Apparently certain Catholic groups want to boycott the movie - which only gives the movie that much more free publicity. I guess this book (just like the Gospel of Judas) has caused a lot of people to question the church and their own faith. If a single novel can have that much impact, it begs the question of how strong those people's faith was in the first place. There is an interesting article on explorefaith.org that says that "if DVC has done nothing else, it has exposed an undercurrent of suspicion and cynicism directed toward the church by a segment of the American public, and we need to acknowledge the validity of their antagonism toward an imperfect and sometimes abusive church." Another very good article points out that "to me, Dan Brown has done a huge service to the Christian faith in bringing these questions to popular culture. Suddenly people are seriously engaged in theological questions…questions about the divinity of Jesus, the inspiration of Scripture, and the development of orthodoxy. Nobody outside of seminary is usually interested in that stuff."

That same article also makes another important point. What if the theories advanced in DVC are true? What if Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene to had children? So what? Does that invalidate who Jesus was or that he was divine? When posed that question, "some said they would feel more connected to Jesus if he had a family like they did. Some felt that maybe the church would have had fewer problems acknowledging women’s roles and sexuality if that had been taught. Still others found it didn’t make any difference to what they believed. Since the Church has always taught that Jesus was both fully human and fully divine, nobody felt that Jesus’ divinity would be jeopardized by his being a husband and father. Asking the 'So what?' question helped some to be less afraid and more willing to really engage their own faith." The article goes on to make the point that "the most important thing the Da Vinci Code controversy can teach us is that real faith can survive our questions. We might accept the new thought or not, but real seeking after truth is what Christian discipleship has always been about. If certain questions can’t be asked or if certain answers are not allowed from the beginning, we can’t honestly seek the truth. And if we can’t seek the truth, how will we ever find Him?"

A different article on the site raises the question of whether you need to be certain of what you believe. As Allen Jones, Dean of Grace Cathedral, San Francisco, puts it, “The opposite of faith is not doubt. The opposite of faith is certainty.” This a refreshing perspective (at least for me) because it seems that many people need absolute certainty around their beliefs to have faith. This article discusses why it's often so hard for us to challenge our belief systems.

If all this doesn't give you the necessary DVC fix, here is a list of articles on "deciphering DVC" along with an assortment of others regarding the nature of belief.

Entrepreneurial spirit

I've been a volunteer coach at the Girls Middle School for three years. My sister-in-law HG turned me onto the Entrepreneurial Program there and I've really enjoyed working with the 7th graders to build their businesses. It's actually quite remarkable to see 12-to-14 year-old girls put together a coherent business plan (including financials), pitch their companies to real VCs in front of 400 people, and then actually run the business for a semester. This year's group (Natural Eaze) closed their books today. After running the business for 4 months, they had $1,800 in sales and $1,065 in profit. After paying back startup loans (with interest) and donating 20% of the profits to charity, each girl walked away with $170 in cash - quite at score at that age.

I wish I had more time for volunteer activities. In addition to the Girls Middle School, I also tried to get involved with the Computer History Museum. Computers are near and dear to my heart and being a docent at the museum would have been a lot of fun. Getting back involved with NARF, a local animal rescue group, would also be interesting to me. But it would all take time that I don't have right now. Oh well. I guess it's all about priorities.

Livin' large

My wife and I got to stay at the Ritz Carlton Half Moon Bay tonight. I'm actually writing this with my Ritz Carlton slippers on. I've stayed at some nice hotels before (including the Nine Zero in Boston, the Clift Hotel in San Francisco, and the Weston La Cantera Resort in San Antonio) but this place is probably the nicest place I've ever stayed at - and the added bonus is that it was free! My company is having a management offsite here tomorrow and my boss hooked me up with a room that would have otherwise gone to waste. What a score for me and my wife - especially on Mother's Day!

The interesting thing about all of this is that the more nice things I do (stay here, go to plays, skydive, etc), the more I want to do this stuff on a regular basis. And, of course, all of this costs money. I can really see how people get into situations where they want (and need) to keep making more and more money. And the irony there is that making all that money (work) can take you away from the things you actually want (both family and fun). Anyway, I'm going to get back to enjoying this experience while it lasts. But I certainly wouldn't mind if it happens again (especially if I don't have to pay for it).

PS - A huge thanks to HG for taking the kids tonight so my wife and I could get away.

Mother's Day

Today is my wife's 4th Mother's Day (as a Mom). I'm so glad that JD and AJ have my wife as their mother. She's confident in her parenting and grounded in her approach. She lets the kids be kids and discover things on their own and at their own pace. She also sets appropriate limits and boundaries. The more I interact with other parents (especially here in Silicon Valley), the more rare I can see these qualities are. The kids are blessed. I am blessed.

My wife and I make our marriage a priority. We feel like the single best gift that we can give our kids is the knowledge that their parents love each other and nothing will tear them apart. With that foundation, they should have the confidence to try or do just about anything. Between an incredibly involved aunt and some wonderful babysitters, my wife and I have the opportunity to go out together (for some private time) on a regular basis. That is also a great blessing. Ironically, I think some parents put so much time and energy into their kids that they neglect their marriage. A co-worker once told me that kids either bring a couple even closer together or amplify marital problems that were previously neglected. I think both are true. Kids bring you closer together, amplify old marital problems, and create entirely new ones. It's a lot of stress on the individual parents and their relationship. That's why I think it's so important to make the marriage a priority, to proactively address issues before they fester and undermine the marriage.

In Having It All ... And Making It Work (see this post), the authors observe that "We have discovered that many working professionals and emerging leaders struggle to achieve balance. We also see evidence that chronic imbalance causes serious problems at work and at home. Sadly, some people live in denial, at least until they experience a major wakeup call. They believe that problems in their personal lives with marriage and family relationships won’t affect their work or that problems at work won’t affect their family lives, but invariably an imbalance in one domain affects the other.” In the context of marriage and parenting, I would add "Sadly, some people live in denial, at least until they experience a major wakeup call. They believe that problems in their marriage won’t affect their kids or that problems with their kids won’t affect their marriage, but invariably an imbalance in one domain affects the other.” My wife taught me this. All the more reason I'm so happy I'm married to her and that she's the mother of my children.

Honk!

I took JD to a Peninsula Youth Theatre production of "Honk!" today. He saw their production of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" last month. I was pretty impressed with the quality of the performance - especially the girl who played the mother duck and the boy who played the cat. The musical is about an ugly duckling who is teased by everyone (except his mother) but later turns into a beautiful swan. With Mother's Day tomorrow, I was certainly struck by how the mother duck stuck by her child even though everyone else (including the father duck) rejected him. I wanted to have a conversation with JD about how we shouldn't judge or tease others simply because they're "different". That immediately made me realize that I do that all the time. I don't mean to. It's simply instinct. For those of you have read Blink or Gift of Fear, there are certainly benefits to "thin-slicing" and trusting your instincts with strangers and/or dangerous situations. I wonder how to continue to benefit from these innate capabilities that evolution has fine-tuned over thousands of years but not have them limit me or cause me to be treat (or judge) people unfairly. Blink offers some suggestions in that regard (education, awareness) but they're easier said than done.

MySpace

I should be doing work right now. It's Friday night. I suppose that's a good excuse to slack off. Anyway, I was talking to some people at work today about how I don't get MySpace. It's this super-hot thing right now (especially with teens) but I don't see what the big deal is. They suggested I sign-up so I did. In case you're ever bored, here is my new MySpace page. I still don't get it, though. Actually, that's not true. I can see now why it's such a hot thing with teens and young adults. MySpace combines social networking with instant messaging, blogging, comments, music, and video. So, I should rephrase. I do get it but I'm not into it. Then again, I wasn't into blogging and now look at me go. Maybe I'll make lots of new friends online and suddenly get all into it. Who knows. If you're into MySpace (which I strongly doubt), add me as a friend.

Fortune cookies

Fortune cookies are always fun - although I have to say that too many fortune cookies contain random quotes or sayings these days instead of genuine fortunes. Anyway, I opened up two cookies today and these were the fortunes: (1) "A short stranger will soon enter your life" and (2) "You will be coming into a fortune". Intriguing. I'll meet a "vertically-challenged" person sometime soon and I may come into some money. Perhaps the stranger will give me money. Who knows. Or perhaps the fortune isn't monetary. Maybe it's spiritual. Height varies a lot by gender and race (see data) but perhaps I should be on the lookout for a 5-foot (or shorter) stranger with spiritual advice. Maybe a 4-foot-8-inch Mormon missionary will come visit me. That would be interesting.

Good times

It's been a really great weekend. On Saturday morning, I took the kids to the park. Then my brother and I took JD camping. I went sky-diving this morning. And I spent the afternoon with my wife. It would be hard to top this.

This was JD's first time camping (my first time too). We did a backyard campout last November. JD enjoyed it so much that I decided to take him for real. We camped out at Sunset State Beach. I'd describe it as camping with training wheels. You can park right next to your camp site. There are bathrooms and showers nearby along with running water to wash dishes, etc. There's even Wi-Fi coverage at the campground - although we didn't take advantage of it. And, of course, there's the beach. We all had a great time - especially JD.

After packing up our stuff this morning, we headed down to the Monterey and I did a tandem sky-dive from 15,000 feet. I had originally tried to go last Saturday (and then again on Friday) but the weather didn't cooperate. Since I was in the area again, I gave it another try and the weather was perfect. It was a little scary going out of the plane but otherwise it wasn't bad. And the view from 3 miles up is amazing. Roughly 60 seconds of free-fall and then about 4-5 minutes of parachuting. SP and JD weren't there to see me land but they did get to see my co-worker land (along with a bunch of other folks).

Since I talk about God a lot on this blog, I'll mention something here. When the weather didn't cooperate last Saturday and again on Friday (after driving almost two hours each way), it definitely makes you wonder whether God is trying to send you a message. Here's the interesting question, though. There were four people in our group both days. So how do you know who God is sending a message? Perhaps it's one of the other people and I didn't get a chance to jump those days as a side-effect. Or maybe God wanted me to go today so SP and JD could be there. Or maybe the weather conditions were simply random and God wasn't telling anyone anything. It's impossible to know. That's the challenging thing with God. You can read whatever you want (or don't want) into certain events and convince yourself of just about anything.

Anyway, it was a great weekend. I'm glad I got a chance to spend so much quality time with JD and SP.

Stunted by Sameness

I just read this article on the explorefaith.org Web site. It's an interesting and important reminder regarding the benefit of diversity in our lives.

We all have our comfortable circles. There are places where we feel we belong and we are understood. As the theme song from Cheers says. "Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name. And they're always glad you came." Everybody needs places of such refuge and belonging

But being comfortable with like-minded people can produce a spiritual ghetto that at its worst can turn into mob-think. There is something stimulated when you find yourself among strangers, without title or standing, listening to ideas and thoughts that come from a different and challenging perspective.

We need one another in all of our diversity. That's a lesson we get from Jesus who crossed all kinds of religious and cultural barriers to interact with those who were different from him and different from each other. St. Paul offers the image of the body. A complete humanity needs all parts of the body. The ear can't say to the eye, "I have no need of you."

I don't have enough diversity in my life. These days, it seems you have to seek out diversity. It's so easy to miss or avoid. Like-minded people go to the same churches ... they work in the same companies ... they want and like to spend time with each other. And there's nothing wrong with that. But it's also limiting. I guess I'll add "seek out diverse perspectives" to my ever-growing to-do list. I wish there was an easier way for diverse perspectives to find me. Any suggestions?

My church

My brother made an interesting observation last night. He said that in the absence of a particular religion or church, this blog is my church, my way of communing spiritually with other people. How very true and very insightful.