Myers-Briggs

I've taken the MBTI personality test a couple of times now. Each time, I've gotten a different result. My first year of business school (roughly 8 years ago), I was ISFP. The following year, I was INFP. When I took the test today, I was INFJ. You could either say that the test isn't particularly good at pinpointing my type - with the only commonalities across all three tests being I(ntroversion) and F(eeling) - or that my type has changed over time. I actually believe the latter since everytime I've done the test the results have resonated with me at the time. If you have a moment, read through the description of INFJ and let me know if you agree with the assessment.

Hinduism - part 1

As I mentioned in my world view post, my father is Hindu and my mother is Christian. I recently decided to learn more about Hinduism. My mom sent some information to me and my brother via email. I also read the chapter on Hinduism in The World's Religions, watched the first two tapes of the Bill Moyers special "The Wisdom of Faith with Huston Smith", and read the Wikipedia entry on Hinduism. I won't try to describe all Hindu belief or practicce here. I'm certainly no expert based on this limited investigation. Rather, I'll just focus on the things that I've learned so far that were most meaningful or surprising to me. I suspect I will return to Hinduism again and incorporate many of its philosophies and practices into my world view. Hindus believe that the goals of spiritual life can be attained through any religion so long as the religion is practiced sincerely. So, even if I ultimately go down the Christian route, it doesn't mean I'd need to forego the insights and teaching of Hinduism (see this mission in India that my grandfather was a member of later in his life).

One immediate misconception I had about Hinduism is that it's polytheist. This brief essay does an excellent job of distinguishing between Brahman (the unique Godhead of Hinduism who has no other and no second, "thou before whom all words recoil"), Iswara (the all powerful Almighty which is the subject of all religions), and other deities such as Kali. The logic chain is fascinating to me:

The difficulty with this concept [Brahman] is this; there is no subject-object relationship in this context, Brahman cannot be the object of cognition, since Brahman has no second. In fact nothing can be predicated about Brahman without delimiting the infiniteness of Braham. So Hindu Vedanta, with a mathematical precision, has postulated that the moment one wants to think of Brahman as an object of thought, one has already delimited Brahman and is only thinking of Iswara, , otherwise called saguna Brahman – Brahman with attributes. Iswara is the all powerful Almighty which is the subject of all religions. It has all the supreme qualities of Brahman – if Brahman could be said to have qualities or attributes – and, in addition, it could be the object of our thought process. By its very nature all names and forms suit it. The Vedic logic here is really very subtle, interesting and should be enjoyed as such. It has no name or form and therefore it could be called by any name and could be given any form. The concept of idol worship is the practical implementation of this unique logic of Hinduism. Hinduism has the daring to carry the rationale of this to its logical conclusion and hence it is we find a plethora of gods and goddesses in the Hindu framework.

To oversimplify, there is a single, infinite God (Brahman) but that God can manifest itself in a number of lesser, finite forms (Iswara and deities) that are easier for man for understand and relate to. These lesser forms, however, do not diminish or compete with "THAT" which "permeates everything in the world".

But what is Hinduism all about? Huston Smith says "if we were to take Hinduism as a whole - its vast literature, its complicated rituals, its sprawling folkways, its opulent art - and compress it into a single affirmation, we would find it saying: You can have what you want. This sounds promising, but it throws the problem back in our laps. For what do we want? It is easy to give a simple answer - not easy to give a good one. India has lived with this question for ages and has her answer waiting. People, she says, want four things." The first two (pleasure and success) form the Path of Desire and the second two (duty and liberation) form the Path of Renunciation (see excerpts from The World's Religions or this Web page for more detail).

I've been thinking a lot about the Path of Desire and the Path of Renunciation today. Specifically, I think I'm transitioning from one path to another. In some ways, I've been doing it my whole life but never realized it until now. It would explain a lot. I've always felt that I was meant to do something great in this life. Given our cultural stereotypes, I had always associated that material wealth and power (the second half of the Path of Desire). But it's really not that. It's about serving my fellow man, about making a difference in this world (whether that's the environment or something else). I might remain in the business world but it takes on a very different complexion when viewed through the lense of duty rather than success.

Our society (on a whole) is so focused on pleasure and success that you get sucked into it. I've wondered why I can't embrace it more fully. It's actually quite uncomfortable and alienating - especially here in Silicon Valley. But I've probably had multiple lifetimes to really enjoy (and suck dry) the Path of Desire. I've had my fill and now I find it wanting.

There's so much more to say about Hinduism, including the eternal within us (Atman-Brahman), the way to God through knowledge (Jnana yoga), karma, non-attachment, etc. More to come in subsequent posts.

Being spiritual vs religious

A question that I've asked myself a lot is "is it all right to be spiritual without being religious?" It's a difficult question. Two religious leaders take on that question in this article from ExploreFaith.org. The article seemed vaguely familiar. It's possible that I've mentioned it before but it was in this week's newsletter so I read it again. The viewpoints - especially from two religious leaders - are refreshing. Both people point out that the word "spirit" is derived from words for breath and air.

Your breath (your spiritual nature) is given to you by the Creator. You cannot make yourself breathe, nor can you will your breathing to cease. You are intimately connected to the One who gave you the breath and every time you inhale and exhale, your spirit longs for a deeper relationship with that One who is beyond your wildest imaginings ... In the biblical sense, all living creatures are spiritual by virtue of being given breath in the first place.

They also point out (thankfully) that you can be "religious" without being affiliated to a specific "religious organization". That being said, the second author makes an excellent point that there is a community aspect to spirituality and religion that cannot be ignored.

It's the common humanity part that's the underlying issue of the question. As much as we might wish to, we can't escape being social creatures, only capable of differentiation within society itself. That's who we are, where we run into problems, and where we will resolve them too. Being aware of the spiritual dimension in life means sensing the sacred not only within ourselves but also among us. We can't be healed, made more whole, in a vacuum. The reason religion happens is because we need to work things out together, puzzle them out together, try them out on each other, mess up and labor to do better next time. If we aren't making mistakes, we aren't learning much. The bible calls mistakes sin and learning repentance ... When folk forbear one another and persevere in faith together, they get somewhere you just can't reach any other way ...

So it's not altogether all right to be spiritual without being religious. It's only partly right for some, some of the time, but it can't be most right in the end, over time. In the end, we can't solve our own problems, in and of themselves, without coming to the awareness that our problems are the world's problems. We're all in this together, for better and for worse. There's really no way to secede from the human race. Certainly, we don't need to submit to someone else's view of religion, but we can't avoid the general conversation, and sooner or later we will need to make some effort on behalf of the whole, the holy. We can't do it all. Neither can we remain on the sidelines. We can only do our part ... A religion of one will not restore spiritual community, even though it might be the right place to hang out for a time, to cool off, to reconsider and redirect ... However frustrating, it's about all of us and our broken community. True religion, while differentiating us, will also bind us together, in service to the holy and for the sake of the world. The religions we have, while imperfect, are the most time tested we have. We might as well see if we can use them for good, for God's sake.

I definitely buy into this community argument. For now, this blog is my church (see this post). But at some point I suspect I'll seek out a more formal group - perhaps a Western faith, perhaps an Eastern faith, or perhaps a mixture.

Early memories

My mom pointed out historical inaccuracies with two of my posts. In one regarding expectations, I said "I think the events took on even more significance in my mind since it was the kids' first time doing either activity and since my family never did this kind of stuff when I was growing up." And, in another regarding camping with JD, I said "This was JD's first time camping (my first time too)." Apparently when I was little, we did lots of fun stuff (including, but not limited to, going to the movie 101 Dalmatians and having a birthday trip to this scenic location in Germany). We also went camping a number of times. In her email, my mom went on to say:

I am sure I could come up with all kinds of things that Dad and I tried to do when you were young but reality is it would not matter. We all see the past through our own personal perspectives and what our expectations were … Like I said, this is not an emotional rant of why you and [your brother] did not get out of certain things what we had hoped. The message is only meant to try and help and I share it only out of love for you in case for some reason your children at a later time in life don't remember days or what you perceived as being happy days the same way.

A couple of things here. First, I have almost no memories from before I was seven. Therefore, whenever I make sweeping statements about my childhood, I'm actually referring to age seven onward. Second, when I say things like "never", I mean it figuratively, not literally. And, third, everyone's childhood has its good and bad aspects. That will be as true for my kids as it is for the rest of us. Our parents do their best given what they have, what their backgrounds are, and what challenges life presents. Just because their kids look back and have certain regrets or wish certain things were different (as I'm sure my kids will do too) doesn't mean that our parents didn't love us or didn't try their best to make everyday special.

I don't expect JD and AJ to remember baseball games or movies or camping or cutting the lawn. A lot of what I do with them is more for my benefit than theirs. It makes me feel like a "good Dad" to do fun things with them or to support their interests. 1-year olds, for example, don't want or need an elaborate birthday party. It's for the parent, not the child. My other goal with things like baseball games, camping, etc is to (a) establish traditions of doing things as a family that we can carry forward into the future (when the kids might otherwise be less keen to hang out with their parents) and (b) seed certain interests that might blossom a couple of years from now.

I actually wish I had more early memories. From what I can tell from photos and stories, it was a very happy time for me.

Heat waves

It's been really hot here in Mountain View recently. Temperatures over 100 degrees are relatively uncommon in the Bay Area but perhaps they'll occur more frequently in the future. There's a good discussion of this topic on the TerraBlog (see this article). Specifically, the author discusses the impact of increases in mean temperature and/or variance on the frequency of heat waves. The third scenario - with an increase in both mean and variance - is particularly scary but unfortunately likely given the results of recent climate models trying to explain the extremely improbable 2003 European heat wave.

Definitely concerning. As an aside, I'm still trying to figure out what I can do about all this - both personally and professionally. My wife recently bought a clothesline (see this article) and we got some CF bulbs awhile ago. But there's more than needs to be done.

Random connections

I received a comment on my blog today from a person I didn't know. This took me a little off-guard since I haven't told many people about my blog and I don't have it indexed with search engines. It turns out that Kelly is a friend of ChP who is a friend of GC who is a friend of mine. GC is a also the author of the foodwinesex blog (see this post). Turns out that Kelly studies the Course in Miracles, sings with Glide, and has a blog of her own. As she put it in an email to me, she is "humbly lost ... at times looking for others with common goals to work through things". Aren't we all in that same boat? Fascinating to see how life works sometimes. We find support where we least expect it (see also this post).

At the boardwalk

My company had a picnic/event at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk this afternoon. It was a lot of fun for the whole family. JD and I played some Skee Ball and arcade games together. The kids got to go on a bunch of rides. And my wife even got to go on an adult ride (Crazy Surf) twice by herself. I was particularly surprised to see how fearless JD and AJ are. JD really wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel - but wasn't the least bit afraid of the heights. When we went on a kids rollercoaster, I prepped JD with "this ride is going to go up and then down really fast so it might be a little scary but it will be ok". His immediate reply was "I'm not scared". AJ meanwhile (barely tall enough for the ride) was laughing through the whole thing and then couldn't wait to go another time. I guess sometimes we think we need to protect our kids even though they clearly don't need protecting.

As an aside, I'm definitely in trouble. As soon as the kids are a little older, they're going to want to go on every "throw-up ride" at these amusement parks - and I don't do particularly well on those rides. Perhaps I can outsource that job to my brother or my sister-in-law HG. Or perhaps my wife will be up to the challenge. Typhoon and Delirium, here we come.

Headbangers ball

I came across this image earlier today while trying to solve an Excel question that I had. I'm not sure why it resonated with me so strongly. I guess there have been a lot of days at work recently where I've felt this way. I've always known that my current role at work was temporary (12-24 months) but I think it's time to get ready to move on to other opportunities - either at my current employer or elsewhere. Will be interesting to see how that evolves over the next 6 months or so. A big part of me wants to stay at my current company but there is an equally big part that wants to move on to a new challenge at a new company in a new industry (likely something related to renewable energy and/or combating global warming).

Expectations

Expectations are a dangerous thing - the expectations others have of us, the expectations we have of ourselves (and others), and the expectations we have of the future. While these many forms of expectations deserve attention, let me concentrate on the last one for a moment - expectations we have of the future. I took my kids to a (minor league) baseball game for the first time this past weekend. We watched the San Jose Giants play the Stockton Ports and the kids got to go down to the field and run the bases afterwards (it was a promotional evening). It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago and this is one of the things I decided I wanted to do to celebrate. The other thing I wanted to do was take the kids to a movie. Rather than go to the theater, we borrowed Sesame Street Presents: Follow that Bird from the library and watched it at my work (in a large conference room with an overhead projector and ceiling-mounted speakers).

I had such high hopes for both events. I envisioned the kids being all excited about the special activities, sitting through them without too many interruptions, and remembering the events fondly afterwards - real father/son bonding moments. I think the events took on even more significance in my mind since it was the kids' first time doing either activity and since my family never did this kind of stuff when I was growing up.

In hindsight, it's not surprising that neither event lived up to my expectations. Charlotte Bronte said that "life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation". In fact, I can't think of a single situation in which I got my hopes up for something and the actual event met or exceeded my expectations. There are plenty of times where my expectations were low and I've been pleasantly surprised. But not a single event that I've expected to be off-the-charts good has lived up to that billing. I guess Alexander Pope and Jonathan Swift were right when they said "blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed". I've often thought that I shouldn't get my hopes up since I'll only be disappointed in the end. But that seems like such a pathetic way to go through life that I haven't been able to fully embrace it.

I came across an interesting book the other day that sheds a little light on this. My friend GC is part of the TED book club and had Stumbling on Happiness sitting on his desk. It looked good - endorsed by Malcolm Gladwell (Blink), Steven Levitt (Freakonomics), and Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence) - so I asked GC if I could borrow the book. As the author explains in the foreword, "this is a book that describes what science has to tell us about how and how well the human brain can imagine its own future, and about how and how well it can predict which of those futures it will most enjoy." Given the frontal lobes of our brains, human beings are the only animal that think about the future - not just predicting what will happen next (e.g., "last time I smelled this smell, a big thing tried to eat me") but genuinely imagining the world as it isn't and has never been, but as it might be. This is a mixed blessing...

What is the conceptual tie that binds anxiety and planning? Both, of course, are intimately connected to thinking about the future. We feel anxiety when we anticipate that something bad will happen, and we plan by imagining how our actions will unfold over time. Planning requires that we peer into our futures, and anxiety is one of the reactions we may have when we do. The fact that damage to the frontal lobe impairs planning and anxiety so uniquely and precisely suggests that the front lobe is the critical piece of cerebral machinery that allows normal, modern human adults to project themselves into the future. Without it we are trapped in the moment, unable to imagine tomorrow and hence unworried about what it may bring. (pg 14)

Human beings actually spend about 12% of their daily thoughts thinking about the future. It's pleasurable to daydream about the future since we tend to imagine ourselves achieving and succeeding rather than fumbling or failing. As the author points out, though:

Although imagining happy futures may make us feel happy, it can also have some troubling consequences. Researchers have discovered that when people find it easy to imagine an event, they overestimate the likelihood that it will actually occur. Because most of us get so much more practice imagining good events than bad events, we tend to overestimate the likelihood that good events will actually happen to us, which leads us to be unrealistically optimistic about our futures (pg 18) ... In fact, the one group of people who seem generally immune to this illusion are the clinically depressed, who tend to estimate accurately the degree to which they control events in most situations. (pg 22)

Can't wait to read the rest of this book. I'm only 26 pages (10.9%) of my way through it so far but I think it will be a really worthwhile read.

Getting Organized

My wife did a presentation last night at her church's Enrichment Night on de-cluttering and home organization. Thankfully she cares about such things. Otherwise, our home would be a disaster. My wife did a great job preparing for the talk (see slides in Powerpoint or PDF along with handouts). Unfortunately, I didn't get to see her present (since I was chasing AJ around the church parking lot) but I heard from a number of afterwards that it went well and that people got a lot of value out of it. As with many things, the real trick here is to start small rather than feeling overwhelmed by the feeling that you have to do everything all at once. Also, to the extent you don't have time to read through my wife's materials, I would summarize them in three statements: (1) clutter affects our state of mind more than we realize, (2) if you don't use something, get rid of it, and (3) think hard before bringing something new into your home.

Can't stop working

I just read an interesting article on ExploreFaith.org called "The Lord's Picnic". I can certainly relate to this paradoxical observation:

Sometimes you just can't get away. Everyone knows the odd combination of longing and dread with which overworked people anticipate their work holidays - longing to be at leisure for a week or two, dread at the pile of work that will await them when they return. It's not worth it to take a vacation, more than one person has told me. I'd be better off not going away at all.

There is more to it than the dread of the accumulated work though. A perverse momentum takes hold in some of us when we are in need of rest: we can't stop working. We don't take it easy - we take it hard. It's as if we were afraid to leave the very thing from which we need a break.

Most exhausted people I talk to go to work earlier than they need to and stay later. Work much more, and accomplish about the same as they would have if they worked normal hours. Maybe less. Their world shrinks to the workplace and the workplace alone. No other arena of their lives command their attention.

Sometimes they think other people would be critical of them if they took it easy, as if there were some moral high ground of martyrdom demanded of them that is not expected of everyone else. Sometimes they think terrible things will happen if they aren't there. They may hate it, but they can't bring themselves to stop.

The truth is, terrible things will happen whether you're there or not. The escalating hours of work, the inability to do anything else - these are symptoms of depression, a loss of self and perspective on the world so profound it can paralyze and even kill if it is not stopped.

I'm improving along this dimension but I have noticed that when I need rest the most, I often press forward the hardest - as if one final burst of energy will magically get me across the finish line and allow me to rest (guilt-free) for as long as I want/need. But it doesn't work that way. As soon as I finish one task, there is another one waiting. There's no end to it. Also, you get into a vicious cycle. You stay up late one night to get some extra work done but that makes you tired the next day. Being tired leads you to be less focused and productive at work which causes you to get less done which causes more work to pile up. Faced with the growing pile of work, you stay up late the next night to "catch up" but the cycle simply continues and gets worse over time. In the end, you're burnt out and no further ahead work-wise than if you had just gotten a full night's sleep to begin with. Also, the consequences of not getting work things done - or at least done on time - is often much less significant than we convince ourselves they are.

That all makes rational sense to me but the irrational part of me still hangs on to its old ways. It wants to believe that I am indispensableble at work, that others are depending on me to get my stuff done on time, and that loyalty to my coworkers dictates that I (automatically) go the extra mile even if I'm not really up to it. It's hard to let go of old ways - they've worked so well for so long. But strengths during one stage of our lives can become Achilles' heels at the next stage of our life (see this post). Things change - hopefully for the better.

What Do Our Neighbors Believe?

ExploreFaith.org has a preview of a new book called What Do Our Neighbors Believe? (see site). The book will focus on Judaism, Christianity, and Islam - as did the religion course I took. For those of you interested in learning more about other religions (well, these three in particular), you may want to check out the site or this new book.

Living Homes

This is a really cool housing-related development - Living Homes. The company designs environmentally-friendly houses that include materials, technologies and building processes which make a positive impact on air, soil, water and energy standards. The company has developed a model home in Santa Monica, California — a pre-fabricated 2,500 square foot modern home built with high-performance glass and insulation, LED lighting, low-flow faucets, solar energy, solar-radiant heat, natural ventilation, gray water irrigation and green roofs planted with organic gardens. They are also developing a community near Joshua Tree National Park. But, at some point, you should be able to get one of these homes anywhere in the country. I'd definitely be interested in one. The only trick is figuring out how to afford to buy some land in the Bay Area and get the house on that land.

foodwinesex

A coworker of mine has caused a bit of a stir in the office with his new blog - foodwinesex. He's 52 and going through a divorce. He has also decided to visit the top 100 restaurants in San Francisco along with other top restaurants in other cities. GC started his blog to talk about his restaurant experiences along with the other stuff going on in his life. I love one observation in this post:

The emotional subtext of the [range of] reactions stem from a couple of phenomena I've begun to understand. When an individual exposes themselves nakedly and publicly, people have a hard time not looking while not looking away. It hits them at a very visceral level. Voyeurism is titillating but I would never let myself be so exposed. Emotional confusion. Another insight...people think they know me. There is a persona that everyone we know has built up around us as a shorthand to understanding who we are and to anticipate interpersonal reactions. When a dissonance, maybe a huge dissonance, is discovered some level of discomfort (or panic) ensues. I thought I knew him. My first reaction is to say "if this offends you, turn it off." Too glib. Instead I'll explain that this is the most basic stuff of my creative life. As I process the changes, turmoil, pain, exhilaration of where I am today, I want to use it to build something, to spin straw into gold. Alchemy.

This is all very true of my blog as well - although I haven't distributed it to as many people as publicly as GC. My brother, for example, doesn't know how to react to my blog. I think it makes him uncomfortable since he wouldn't do it himself - he's too guarded for it (as was I before going down this path). I've gotten comments from others like "good for you ... but I've never do it myself". All very understandable. As I told my therapist the other day, in general, my current philosophy is to be less guarded, to let people see the true me, and see what happens. Perhaps it will all backfire but I suspect more good will come of it than bad.

As an aside, this is post #100 to my blog. Amazing how many posts I've done in a relatively short period of time (4 months) - that's almost one per day.

Eccentricity

I've always wanted to be more eccentric. It seems that most successful and/or powerful people are eccentric in some way - some more than others. I randomly came across this post on 43 Folders in which the following question is raised: "In my quest to become more distinctive, I’m looking for suggestions of harmless eccentricities to adopt". The series of comments is very funny. My two favorites are: (1) "I label all of my white socks to keep the pairs 'monogamous' throughout their lives. I feel it leads to a more even wear." and (2) "My wife knew a German girl who kept a peach pit (stone) in her mouth at all times. The same one. All the time." In my case, perhaps I should demand that people call me "Notorious" from now on (see this post). I do sit on a balance ball at work instead of a desk chair. That's kind of eccentric. A coworker suggested that I grow a beard and mustache on the right side of his face and keep the left side unshaven. That would certainly be eccentric (possibly scary). But I do hate shaving and it would have the upshot of only have to shave half as much. Perhaps I should consider it. If you have ideas for other harmless eccentricities I can adopt, please let me know.

The labyrinth

Two weeks ago, I read an interview with Dr. Lauren Artress about walking the labyrinth. The labyrinth is a circular pattern found in ancient cultures world-wide and was used during the Middle Ages as a substitute for pilgrimages to Jerusalem (since travel at that time was so perilous). The most well-known is probably the labyrinth inlaid into the stone floor of Chartres Cathedral in France. Dr. Artress, Episcopal priest and psychotherapist, reintroduced the labyrinth as a form of walking meditation and a path of prayer in her book, Walking a Sacred Path.

There are two labyrinths at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco. Since Grace Cathedral is only half a mile from ACT, my wife and I decided to give this a try after our final play (see this post). I was very curious to see if I would gain any personal or spiritual insights from this ancient technique. In the interview, Artress says:

Walking the labyrinth really somehow turns the key and the lock for many people. Many people feel that we aren't living out what they're here for; that they haven't found their sealed orders. And, of course, sealed orders can change, too, as you move into a different phase of your life ... [The labyrinth] uses the metaphoric part of the brain. When you're walking the path, it is symbolic of your path in life. You realize that we're not only human beings on a spiritual path; we're spiritual beings on a human path. That beautiful inversion begins then as your spiritual self sees the bigger picture - [you realize] your presence here on earth is valuable, and you have something to contribute ... People who are very hard on themselves, beating themselves up, giving themselves negative messages all the time, begin to hear that in a new way. In fact, they begin to realize that they're doing it. And so the sense of ease, non-judgment and self-acceptance, all of those things flow out of the labyrinth walk ...

One woman came up to me and said, "You know, nothing happened to me in the labyrinth except I felt a deep sense of peace." I don't know what I said to her, but I may have said facetiously, "Oh, gee. I'm sorry. Only peace?" So we do discount. When somebody comes up and says nothing happened in the labyrinth, I always ask them, "What did nothing feel like?" Because then that connects them to the experience and then they realize they had a whole flow of feelings while they were in it.

When we got to Grace Cathedral, there was a wedding going on inside so we ended up walking the outdoor labyrinth. There was only one other woman there at the time. On my way towards the center, I remember getting frustrated that it was taking so long. It wasn't about the journey but about the destination (see this post). On the way out, I remember worrying that I hadn't paid attention and made a wrong turn - that I was going the wrong way. As Artress puts it, the labryrinth turned out to be a "mirror of the soul".

Afterwards, I compared notes with my wife. We both agreed the labyrinth was a good metaphor for life with all its twists and turns - sometimes coming quite rapidly and other times after long stretches of calm. I also made the observation that the path gets you pretty close to the center very quickly but then you wind your way back out to the perimeter for a long time before finally making your way to the center. I think that's an excellent metaphor for the spirtual journey that I'm on. I've had a burst of spiritual activity and got relatively close to God pretty quickly (see this post for example). But now I'm on this long, winding path trying to figure out what it all means and how I want to incorporate all of this into my life. I'm sure there will be plenty of twists and turns along the way, plenty of times when God seems very distant or that I'm going in the wrong direction. But the trick (as with the labyrinth) is to trust the path you're on. It will lead you where you want to go.

As Artress puts it, "you just simply follow the paths. A lot of people confuse this. [A labyrinth is] not a maze. It's actually designed to help you find your way. It's not designed for you to lose your way in it ... [People] are confused in our language. A maze has cul-de-sacs, dead-ends, many entrances or exits, and so you're brought out into the outer world, kind of trying to find your way. It's often anxiety-producing, too. A labyrinth, because it has one path, is really a spiritual exercise - you simply trust the path. Then you realize how much is in the way of just trusting the path, even though your cognitive mind knows that it will take you to the center. You meet yourself. You might be anxious. You might be judging. You might be scolding yourself that you're not going to do it right."

It's unfortunate I don't live closer to Grace Cathedral. I'd like to walk the labyrinth more often. I think it would be good for me. Perhaps it's just added incentive to visit my brother up in San Francisco more often.

Using the right instrument

My wife and I had season tickets to the American Conservatory Theater in San Francisco. The season just came to a close with a "gangster musical" called "Happy End". One of the characters is part of the Salvation Army and about to give a sermon about new technologies like the radio ("new" for 1929). She says that some people think it's crazy to believe in God because you can't see him. A French astronomer had searched the heavens with his telescope from one end of the galaxy to the other and was never able to find God. But he had been using the wrong instrument. You can't see radio waves and it's a little crazy to think that all these messages are magically flying through thin air. But when you have the right device tuned to the right frequency, suddenly a very real, undeniable message comes through loud and clear. God is the same way. He is always broadcasting but we must learn how to use our minds and our hearts to tune into his message.

Assisted suicide

A week and a half ago, I read an article in the newspaper about how the California state senate had rejected a bill that would have allowed the terminally ill (with less than 6 months to live) to opt for a lethal prescription (see this alternate article from the LA Times for more detail). It's an interesting issue - and one that I should have a position on. On the one hand, I definitely agree with giving people the right to "die with dignity" or end unbearable (or unnecessary) pain. On the other hand, I also agree that, given this legal option, government or health care providers might unduly steer people towards this option to shave costs. On net, though, I would have passed this piece of legislation. It has the right safeguards - evaluation by physicians, repeated statements of wishes, a two-week waiting period, and patients taking any lethal prescription themselves without help. The financial side of it is potentially tricky but I also believe that the free market would potentially correct itself (through supplemental insurance, patient advocacy, etc).

I think about Max and the suffering he was going through. I honestly believe that he would have chosen this option. And as painful as it was for me and my wife, I'm glad that we had this option available to us to end his suffering - rather than watch him wither away in pain.

The Jester

I revisited C.G. Jung's work on “archetypes” the other day. The last four archetypes are part of "the return". Specifically:

When the archetypes of the return are activated, people and organizations know who they are at a deeper level than they once did. Now they are motivated to seek out ways to use their gifts and perspectives to make a difference in the world. They no longer yearn to be taken care of, and they do not blame others or find excuses. Rather, they live and work in ways that express their values, commitments, and talents in a socially responsible manner. These archetypes generally are awakened and in balance within psychologically mature individuals and organizations able not only to benefit from the rights of living in a free society, but also to undertake the responsibilities of active, engaged citizenship.

In the context of Jung's journey, this would seem to be the life stage I'm entering. One of the archetypes in this stage is The Jester - "The Jester archetype urges us to enjoy the process of our lives. Although the Jester can be prone to laziness and dissipation, the positive Jester invites us all out to play - showing us how to turn our work, our interactions with others, and even the most mundane tasks into FUN."

I can definitely say that I'm trying to have more fun - especially at work. I did a post a couple of months ago about and LED belt buckle I got. I've done a number of movie events - including an outing to DaVinci Code. I was the voice of a phone application called "Karaoke Trax" (including singing such classics as "YMCA" myself). I even played a relatively elaborate practical joke on my boss and another co-worker - complete with cryptic clues as to the identity of the perpetrator.

Three other recent events highlight my emerging inner-Jester. Two weeks ago, a close co-worker of mine was leaving the company. After almost seven years of service, he moved to NYC so his wife could pursue a brain cancer research fellowship there. A number of us were disappointed to see him go and wanted to send him off in style. So we (mostly the "me" part of "we") organized a surprise lunch for him complete with Irish food, a roast, and a singing telegram by a Leprechaun (yes, he is Irish). Although I had asked others to speak at the roast, most of them backed out moments before the event. So I quickly repurposed a Powerpoint presentation he and I had worked on regarding a "Product Lifecycle" for the company and changed it into a "Roast Lifecycle" - basically doing a search-and-replace on "product" for "roast". Then I made up the rest as I went along. I've never had to think that quickly on my feet before from a comedic / performance perspective but it came off very well.

A couple of days ago, I was up in Anchorage, Alaska for a pledge-brother's wedding. The reception was held at a golf course and the room had a patio on one side. The patio was pretty narrow and then had a steep drop-off. Part way through the evening, I decided we should sled down the hill. A friend and I found a flipchart pad and we were off to the races. A number of people (including the groom) followed suit. The groom was so into it that he decided we should tumble down the hill. So he and I took off our dress shirts and rolled down the hill. I wasn't expecting to go so fast or be so dizzy at the bottom but I made it through just fine. I also tried to sled head-first down the hill but missed the flipchart and ended up with grass stains on my navy dress pants (hopefully the dry-cleaners will be able to get them out).

The third event is actually a work-in-progress. I'm organizing a talent show at work and will be both a performer and the MC. My act is still taking shape but will include some combination of stability balls and the song "Eye of the Tiger" (from the movie Rocky). I have lots of fun ideas for other acts but the real trick will be getting others to agree to perform in front of a number of co-workers. More info on this as it unfolds. The big event is Thursday, August 17.

My point here is that I couldn't see myself doing any of these things 5 years ago or really even 1-2 years ago. I like the change and hope it continues.

Praying for others

I find praying difficult. Sometimes praying for others seems easier, more selfless. But it can also be awkward. I never really know what to say or to ask for. I just read a good article on the subject in ExploreFaith.org. It contained the following process for praying for others:

1. Sit quietly and center yourself in the present moment.
2. Slowly read each name listed.
3. As you read imagine the name floating into your heart.
4. Bring your awareness to being in the presence of God.
5. Open your heart and ask God to read the names that are written there.
6. Thank God for the time you’ve spent together and for listening and answering you in your prayers.

This excerpt from the article is especially meaningful:

“Before they call I will answer, while they are yet speaking I will hear.” (Isaiah 65:24). God reads the prayers of our heart even before they have been formed into words or vocalized by our mouth. Prayer becomes not so much trying to remember the names and needs of each person or group. Rather the task of intercessory and petitionary prayer becomes opening our heart to receive all the needs and then asking the Holy One to read what is there. In some ways, it is more difficult than simply naming names and asking for God’s assistance, because it requires the full opening of the heart and soul to our own pain and the pain of the world. But, the God of love takes our offering and blesses our love. The God of love hears our heart and blesses those we love. The God of love lifts the needs from our heart and takes them into the heart of heaven. And we, we stand amazed, at the miracles that unfold.

When I've prayed for others in the past, I'd say it was more "naming names and asking for God's assistance" rather than "the full opening of the heart and soul to our own pain and the pain of the world". I'll have to try the latter sometime.

Justice

About a month ago, my brother pointed me to one of the "The Persian Letters" by Baron de Montesquieu. Wikipedia lists it as Letter 84 but it is actually Letter 83. My brother came across the letter in a book called the Portable Enlightment Reader and sent it to me in response to a post I did regarding everything happening for a reason. Specifically, I was struggling with the concept of free will and why people would want to choose to be good. The letter explains why God must be just (or good) and why people, despite having the choice to be just or unjust, should want to be just.

When I didn't immediately see the relevance of the letter, my brother sent me the following "study questions":

• In the second paragraph, what does "justice" mean? Why is it a "true relation" between things? What does it mean to be "just"?


• In the third and fourth paragraphs, what is the fundamental comment here on man? Why do men act unjustly? Why don't they naturally act justly?


• In the fifth paragraph, why can God not be unjust? How does this relate to your definition of being "just" from the second paragraph?


• In the sixth paragraph, why should men want to be just (or be like God) irrespective of whether they believe in God or not?

During a recent flight to Alaska (for a friend's wedding), I finally got a chance to look back at this material and think about the questions above. In terms of defining justice, the Golden Rule came to mind. It's essentially a matter of fairness and treating others as you would want them to treat you. A Google search brings back a number of results. One that I think is very relevant is an entry in Wikipedia on Justice (virtue). Specifically, it says:

In the Catholic religion, Justice is one of the four cardinal virtues. It is the moderation between selfishness and selflessness; treating all people equally to oneself and to each other ... It is closely related, in Christianity, to the practice of charity, because it regulates the relationships with others. It is a cardinal virtue, which is to say "pivotal" because it regulates all such relationships, and is sometimes deemed the most important of the cardinal virtues ... Justice between two individuals is known as individual, particular, or commutative justice -- "commutative" because it is particularly concerned with contracts and exchange.

As the third and fourth paragraphs of the letter point out, men often "act unjustly because it is their interest to do so ... no one is a villain gratis; there is always a determining motive, and that motive is always an interested one." Certainly, men act in self-interest all the time - seeking short-term advantage rather than long-term rewards (in this life or the next). God, on the other hand, does not operate in this fashion - seeking only for man to do right by eachother and to Him.

The letter goes on to say that "justice is eternal and independent of human conditions. And, if it were dependent on them, it would be a truth so terrible that we would be compelled to hide it from ourselves". While men act in their own self-interest, it is not in their self-interest to create a state of affairs where people are in "continual terror ... [moving] among men as among lions ... and [never feeling] sure for an instant of our property, our honour, [or] our lives." We don't randomly kill others - both because it's wrong but also because we would want others to have significant pause before seriously considering randomly killing us.

At a higher level, I find it interesting that I've never really thought about what "justice" means before. I just take it for granted. Makes me wonder what other fundamental concepts I need to dust off and revisit in this context.

Fourth Commandment

A couple of days ago, I picked up a copy of the July 3, 2006 issue of USA Today. In it, there was an article regarding honoring the Sabbath. Specifically:

Sabbath-keeping is going to be a countercultural activity, one requiring commitment and creativity. A day of rest does not have to be a Saturday or a Sunday - impossible for pastors and many others - but it should be at least one day out of seven, and qualitatively different from the other six. The key is to break away from work patterns, whether that means hobbies, sports or artistic activities. (Sabbath is related to the Hebrew verb meaning "to cease, stop, interrupt.") "Spend more time with people in a friendly way, with meals (and) extended conversations, but no talk related to work," advises theologian Marva Dawn, author of Keeping the Sabbath Wholly: Ceasing, Resting, Embracing, Feasting. New York Mets pitcher Pedro Martinez rests by engaging in gardening; for a professional gardener, though, Sabbath-keeping might involve playing baseball.

My sister-in-law HG does a very good job of this. I really don't. I guess I'm one of the 24/7 people the author is appealing to in his article. The message is actually quite similar to a recent post on stress management in which that author advises putting down your burdens periodically so you can recharge. Easier said than done for me but something I certainly aspire to.

fat2phat: Week 5 results

Well, just like that, I'm back up again. Not a big surprise. I haven't been focused on this, haven't been eating well (not terrible but not well), and haven't really been exercising. At any rate, I weighed myself yesterday morning and I was 204.6 pounds and 20.6% body fat (up almost a pound and a half from last week but the same as the week before that).

I was telling my wife yesterday that my weight-loss situation is actually pretty similar to the situation that the planet faces with global warming (see this post). From a long-term health perspective, there is "a substantial (and uncertain) time lag between cause and effect". From a day-to-day perspective, there is "inertia in all the key drivers of the problem [including] ingrained daily habits at the household level". And, from a time-allocation perspective, there are "a set of hard-wired incentives, career and otherwise, that inhibit focused attention and action on the issue". Especially since the end-point for my stated goal is Christmas, I'm currently in the mode of saying I'll start for real next week - that I have time so I'll focus on different things this week. That's like most people saying we have 10-20 (maybe 30-50) years to solve global warming so I don't need to make (inconvenient) changes in my lifestyle or daily habits today.