I suppose it was only a matter of time until religion and YouTube came together. Through a funding announcement on VentureBeat, I found out about GodTube about a week ago. I spent a little time checking it out and it's pretty interesting. I especially liked this video:
With everything else I have going on these days, I doubt I'll spend much further time on the site. But thought I'd share it with others in case you're interested.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
LDS Church and DNA research
Last night, my brother-in-law DE asked me about DNA research and whether it supports - or undermines - the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. I've never looked into the topic so I didn't have an opinion on it. As a follow-up, DE sent me two articles - one article from the USA Today and one article from the LA Times. Both of the articles are a couple of years old and were prompted by a book that was being published at the time. I just read both articles and they are interesting. It would appear that some members - particularly those in Central and South America and the South Pacific - find this research problematic to their faith since it contradicts what they have been taught in the past. For me, I have to admit that scientific evidence is not central to my faith so I'm not terribly concerned about these findings. It doesn't affect my belief in the Book of Mormon or any other part of the Church. I assume there is some perfectly reasonable answer to all of this and that we'll know it in the fullness of time. In the meantime, we should acknowledge this is an area that isn't clear-cut, one way or the other, and be willing to live with some ambiguity. Obviously, that's easier for some people than others. As in everything else, God has a perfect knowledge of all things (including the exact ancestry and progeny of people in the Book of Mormon, the other inhabitants of those geographic areas, etc). So, if we want to know answers to questions such as "should I continue to be a member of this Church in the face of these studies" or "is the Book of Mormon true", we can ask God in prayer and he will testify to the truth via the Holy Ghost. That is a blessing that we all have in our lives and one that I would encourage people to utilize more often.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
The Gift to Know
I had dinner tonight with the missionaries and two people who are investigating the LDS Church (a father and his son). I had sent the father (BF) a couple of recent General Conference talks to read since I thought he might find them interesting (see PDF with my hand-written comments). One of the talks pertained to testimony (see here). BF marked the following sentence as pertaining to me: "Those who have the gift to know have an obvious duty to bear their witness so that those who have the gift to believe on their words might also have eternal life." No one (including BF and his son) have believed on my words but I certainly have been given the gift to know and, therefore, feel a duty to bear my witneess of that to those who are seeking greater truth or meaning in their lives.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
LDS Sharing Handouts
In a recent Ensign article, Elder M. Russell Ballard said: "It is not easy to explain something as vast as the Church or as wonderful as the restored gospel to people who know little or nothing about us. Even questions on one specific aspect can be difficult to answer because every question seems to be connected to other questions. The most common request we hear is a fairly simple one that goes something like this: 'Tell me a little about your Church.' The key word here is 'little.' They are not saying, 'Tell me everything you know and then send others to tell me everything else.'"
With these "curious" souls in mind, I created a set of handouts that can be used - individually or in aggregate - to share different parts of the gospel with others. The handouts are not meant to be comprehensive or address all questions that someone may have about the Church. Rather, the goal is to provide enough information to peak someone's interest and generate further questions and dialogue either with members or with the full-time missionaries.
In terms of content, I have utilized text from various Church sources rather than composing any of the material myself. While I'm happy to discuss any and all of this material in my own words one-on-one, I figured it was safest to stick with "approved text" in written form. For each handout, the source material is referenced. In many cases, I had to abbreviate the text to make it all fit onto one page. I, of course, take full responsibility for any meaning lost in this translation.
With these "curious" souls in mind, I created a set of handouts that can be used - individually or in aggregate - to share different parts of the gospel with others. The handouts are not meant to be comprehensive or address all questions that someone may have about the Church. Rather, the goal is to provide enough information to peak someone's interest and generate further questions and dialogue either with members or with the full-time missionaries.
In terms of content, I have utilized text from various Church sources rather than composing any of the material myself. While I'm happy to discuss any and all of this material in my own words one-on-one, I figured it was safest to stick with "approved text" in written form. For each handout, the source material is referenced. In many cases, I had to abbreviate the text to make it all fit onto one page. I, of course, take full responsibility for any meaning lost in this translation.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Looking up the economic ladder
I was talking to a friend the other night about work/life balance and he sent me this article afterwards. It talks about the dangers of materialism and of comparing ourselves to others. Here are some interesting excerpts:
Trying to define materialism is like a fish trying to describe water, says Carroll: “We swim in it. It’s all around us. It’s so pervasive that it’s very hard to question it and think about it clearly.” In addition, the material standards that define modest, good, or decadent living creep up over time and are highly subjective.
Those nuances aside, Carroll defines materialism as placing a high importance on material possessions as the means to achieving personal happiness and a sense of well-being. Several studies have shown that people who have a materialistic orientation report lower levels of happiness and feel less connection in relationships. “As you emphasize and value the material, you start to lessen your appreciation for the personal,” says Carroll...
Consider, for example, the couple that looks up the economic ladder and focuses on people who have more. Even if they have plenty of income, typically they will perceive themselves as not having enough, which in turn fosters a sense of entitlement, feelings of resentment, and anxiety, says Carroll: “If you see that so-and-so goes to Europe, you might think, ‘I’ve never been to Europe. Part of the good life is a vacation in Europe, but we can’t afford that. Something’s not right.’ So you start to attach your expectations and your sense of quality of life to those higher on the ladder.” At its core, looking up also creates a sense of ingratitude, says Carroll. You lose perspective of what you have.
Those who compare themselves with those lower on the economic ladder are less likely to feel distressed about finances, even when their income is modest. “‘I can’t afford to go to Europe, but I can take a trip to Disneyland. I know people who would give anything to be able to afford to take their kids to Disneyland. Wow, I’m blessed.’ So now you’re grateful. You see yourself as fortunate.”
These ways of thinking are powerful, says Carroll. “Materialistic attitudes are a better predictor of finances as a problem in a relationship than is income, which means that even high-income individuals who are materialistic will have financial problems in their marriage.”
The article also offers questions to ask to determine if you are materialistic and also suggestions on how to change. In general, I think my wife and I do a pretty reasonable job in this regard but there is always room for improvement - especially in such a materialistic part of the country like Silicon Valley.
Trying to define materialism is like a fish trying to describe water, says Carroll: “We swim in it. It’s all around us. It’s so pervasive that it’s very hard to question it and think about it clearly.” In addition, the material standards that define modest, good, or decadent living creep up over time and are highly subjective.
Those nuances aside, Carroll defines materialism as placing a high importance on material possessions as the means to achieving personal happiness and a sense of well-being. Several studies have shown that people who have a materialistic orientation report lower levels of happiness and feel less connection in relationships. “As you emphasize and value the material, you start to lessen your appreciation for the personal,” says Carroll...
Consider, for example, the couple that looks up the economic ladder and focuses on people who have more. Even if they have plenty of income, typically they will perceive themselves as not having enough, which in turn fosters a sense of entitlement, feelings of resentment, and anxiety, says Carroll: “If you see that so-and-so goes to Europe, you might think, ‘I’ve never been to Europe. Part of the good life is a vacation in Europe, but we can’t afford that. Something’s not right.’ So you start to attach your expectations and your sense of quality of life to those higher on the ladder.” At its core, looking up also creates a sense of ingratitude, says Carroll. You lose perspective of what you have.
Those who compare themselves with those lower on the economic ladder are less likely to feel distressed about finances, even when their income is modest. “‘I can’t afford to go to Europe, but I can take a trip to Disneyland. I know people who would give anything to be able to afford to take their kids to Disneyland. Wow, I’m blessed.’ So now you’re grateful. You see yourself as fortunate.”
These ways of thinking are powerful, says Carroll. “Materialistic attitudes are a better predictor of finances as a problem in a relationship than is income, which means that even high-income individuals who are materialistic will have financial problems in their marriage.”
The article also offers questions to ask to determine if you are materialistic and also suggestions on how to change. In general, I think my wife and I do a pretty reasonable job in this regard but there is always room for improvement - especially in such a materialistic part of the country like Silicon Valley.
Conversion story
Someone in the ward (congregation) asked me for a copy of my conversion story the other day. For simplicity, I created a PDF of all the relevant posts from my blog (download here). It was interesting to me that, including comments from others, the file was 37 pages long - and that was just the key posts (not everything I wrote during that process). Anyway, in case you want to see the online posts directly, here are the ones I included in the PDF file:
Enjoy.
Enjoy.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Gordon B. Hinckley
At the age of 97 and a week after me joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Gordon B. Hinckley has joined his wife Marjorie in the life hereafter (see news release). I am sorry to learn of his passing. President Hinckley has had a profound impact on the Church and oversaw a period of rapid worldwide growth. I won't claim to have a strong personal connection to him given my recent membership in the Church, but I will share three ways that he personally touched my life. First, President Hinckley initiated the building of many smaller temples throughout the world (what many consider a key part of his legacy as President). The first of those many smaller temples was the Fresno Temple - where I solidifed my testimony (see prior post). Second, he invited KC to be the President of BYU-Idaho in Rexburg, Idaho - where I learned more fully of eternal families (see prior post). And, third, he gave a talk in November called "Slow to Anger" that was discussed today in our weekly church meetings - which I felt was quite timely and something I need to more fully internalize (especially with my children). I'm sure other examples will come to mind or develop over time.
At this time, I feel most compelled to testify that I know Gordon B. Hinckley was a prophet of God. The Lord sustained and supported him in that role and we were blessed to have him in our lives.
At this time, I feel most compelled to testify that I know Gordon B. Hinckley was a prophet of God. The Lord sustained and supported him in that role and we were blessed to have him in our lives.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Baptism and Confirmation
This past weekend, I was baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Both of those events were meaningful to me but my real hope and prayer during the last week was that they would also be an uplifting and testimony-building experience for those around me. It was also my hope and prayer that these events would serve as a uniting - rather than dividing - force for my family and extended family. I believe that both of these prayers were answered.
In terms of the baptism itself, my son JD stole the show in many ways (which was totally fine with me). He appointed himself the "baptism director" and wanted to oversee every aspect of the event. He helped me prepare the programs (see PDF). We got to the church early so he could help setup chairs and get everything ready. When people began to arrive, he told them where to sit and what the program had in store. He and my brother conducted a family scripture portion of the program while my brother-in-law JG and I were getting changed after the ordinance itself. And afterwards he helped with the clean-up. It was so fun to see his enthusiam for the event.
I was surprised by the number of people who attended. When I spoke with the Ward Mission Leader, he said that typically he makes 25 programs for a baptism; perhaps 40 if there will be a lot of family there. After we setup the chairs, I asked JD to count them and there were 67. And every one of them ended up being filled with some additional folks in the doorway. So I'm guessing there were probably 70 people or so at the event. I was commenting on this to the Ward Mission Leader after the event and he said "people like you and they know you like them". For whatever reason, that comment made me a little uncomfortable. But I was still grateful that so many people took time out of their schedule to attend.
My brother-in-law DE offered a moving opening prayer and his wife BE offered an equally moving closing prayer. My sisters-in-law NR and HG offered heart-felt testimonies of God's love for us and their faith in the gospel. I was very touched with what they both said. HG, in particular, has been my "borrowed light" up to this point - and undoubtedly will serve in that capacity for some time to come.
I was very pleased that a family member (my brother-in-law JG) was able to baptize me, that another family member (my wife's uncle GH) was able to be a witness, and that a close family friend (RW) was able to be the other witness. RW flew in from SLC for the day and GH and his wife PH drove up from Fresno (which isn't easy given GH's health challenges since his stroke). As I was immersed under the water, I opened my eyes for a moment and it was as if the heavens peeked through to me for a moment. Later, one of the attendees observed that there was a full moon out during the day and that was a sign that the heavens were smiling down on me.
It was very important to me that every part of my family and my extended family were represented in some way during the program. For family members who could not attend in person, I asked them to submit a scripture that had significance to their family and these scriptures were read aloud by volunteers from the audience. I wasn't present for that part of the program (since I was changing out of wet clothes) but I heard it went very well and people got value out of the scriptures. I have no doubt the thoughts and prayers of family not present helped build the spirit for this part of the program.
During the week, I worried a lot about what I might say after I was baptized. In the midst of this worry, I read this scripture and it had meaning to me: "Take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak. For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you." (Matthew 10:19-20) I ended up talking about the fact that there wasn't any doubt in my mind that I was doing the right thing when I married my wife and I had a similar feeling about being baptized that day. When I first made the decision to be baptized, I didn't see how that would be true but the Lord lead me through it each step of the way.
Two quick asides. The week before I was baptized, I was completely stressed out and overwhelmed at work. There was lots going on and I didn't see how I was going to get everything done - especially given the fact that my entire weekend was spoken for. One of the missionaries shared this scripture with me and then I came across it in my own reading: "Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. (Matthew 6:31-34)"
Also, I decided to fast from about 3pm the day before until after my baptism. We had a family brunch scheduled the morning of my baptism and I chose not to participate in it (at least the eating part). This was disappointing to my wife since she prepared this special meal and cooking is something that requires a lot of effort for her. I actively questioned whether I should break my fast early so I could be part of the brunch. I prayed that morning that God would help me decide what to do. And I got the impression I should read the scriptures for an answer and came across this scripture: "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. (Matthew 10:37-39)"
Regarding the confirmation, I asked one of the missionaries to confer the gift of the Holy Ghost on me (see article). There are others who are more "spiritually advanced" whom I could have asked to have done this (including the others who were part of the confirmation circle) but I selected this particular person based on reading this article from the Ensign. In the article, Elder Clayton Christensen says "None of Jesus’s original Twelve Apostles had evidenced adequate experience or commitment when He called them. Enoch, Moses, Samuel, David, Jeremiah, Amos, and Joseph Smith were unqualified by the world’s standards when the Lord put them to work. But God transformed them. We will build greater strength and our wards and branches will grow when we stop relying solely on the strongest members."
In terms of what was said, here is a rough but hopefully fairly accurate recreation. Three people were taking notes (thanks!) and I remembered some additional stuff as well.
GNP, By the power and authority of the Melchizadek Priesthood which we hold, we confirm you a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and say unto you, Receive the Holy Ghost. Your Heavenly Father is very pleased with you and your decision to come unto Christ and receive the ordinances of baptism and confirmation, a decision you have made with all your heart. Heavenly Father knows this has been a difficult decision for you and He is proud of your strength, and, as you continue to grow in the church, you will be a guiding light to your family and those you meet and a strength to those around you. We do these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Shortly after the confirmation, I gave my "hypothetical" talk on why missionary work is so important (see prior post). Out of everything from the whole weekend, this was likely the thing I was most nervous about. Again, as would appear the pattern of the week, I found a scripture that put my mind at ease (and one that I put to the test during my talk): "When a man speaketh by the power of the Holy Ghost the power of the Holy Ghost carrieth it unto the hearts of the children of men. (2 Nephi 33:1)" I thought the talk went very well and even I was surprised with the force and conviction with which I delivered the message. I surely spoke with the power of the Holy Ghost and I attribute 100% of my success to that (and not to me or my personal abilities). It was also my prayer that my talk would touch people's hearts in some way. Based on some of the comments afterwards, I believe that prayer was answered (again by the power of the Holy Ghost).
Relative to the talk I posted back in December, I did change the conclusion. Specifically, I talked about a comment that one of the ward members shared with me after my baptism. He said that with the help of the Holy Ghost, I cannot fail. I testified to others that if they put their faith in the Lord and accept the help of the Holy Ghost, they cannot fail either.
Even though I didn't share these final comments from my original talk on Sunday, let me reiterate them here:
I would like to sincerely thank the members of this ward for creating an environment so welcoming to the Spirit. I would like to thank the missionaries for their tireless work on the Lord’s behalf. I would like to thank my family and friends for their unconditional love and support through this process and through life in general. And I would most importantly like to thank our Heavenly Father for answering our prayers, for sticking with us throughout our lives, and for knowing when we are ready to accept Him into our hearts.
In terms of the baptism itself, my son JD stole the show in many ways (which was totally fine with me). He appointed himself the "baptism director" and wanted to oversee every aspect of the event. He helped me prepare the programs (see PDF). We got to the church early so he could help setup chairs and get everything ready. When people began to arrive, he told them where to sit and what the program had in store. He and my brother conducted a family scripture portion of the program while my brother-in-law JG and I were getting changed after the ordinance itself. And afterwards he helped with the clean-up. It was so fun to see his enthusiam for the event.
I was surprised by the number of people who attended. When I spoke with the Ward Mission Leader, he said that typically he makes 25 programs for a baptism; perhaps 40 if there will be a lot of family there. After we setup the chairs, I asked JD to count them and there were 67. And every one of them ended up being filled with some additional folks in the doorway. So I'm guessing there were probably 70 people or so at the event. I was commenting on this to the Ward Mission Leader after the event and he said "people like you and they know you like them". For whatever reason, that comment made me a little uncomfortable. But I was still grateful that so many people took time out of their schedule to attend.
My brother-in-law DE offered a moving opening prayer and his wife BE offered an equally moving closing prayer. My sisters-in-law NR and HG offered heart-felt testimonies of God's love for us and their faith in the gospel. I was very touched with what they both said. HG, in particular, has been my "borrowed light" up to this point - and undoubtedly will serve in that capacity for some time to come.
I was very pleased that a family member (my brother-in-law JG) was able to baptize me, that another family member (my wife's uncle GH) was able to be a witness, and that a close family friend (RW) was able to be the other witness. RW flew in from SLC for the day and GH and his wife PH drove up from Fresno (which isn't easy given GH's health challenges since his stroke). As I was immersed under the water, I opened my eyes for a moment and it was as if the heavens peeked through to me for a moment. Later, one of the attendees observed that there was a full moon out during the day and that was a sign that the heavens were smiling down on me.
It was very important to me that every part of my family and my extended family were represented in some way during the program. For family members who could not attend in person, I asked them to submit a scripture that had significance to their family and these scriptures were read aloud by volunteers from the audience. I wasn't present for that part of the program (since I was changing out of wet clothes) but I heard it went very well and people got value out of the scriptures. I have no doubt the thoughts and prayers of family not present helped build the spirit for this part of the program.
During the week, I worried a lot about what I might say after I was baptized. In the midst of this worry, I read this scripture and it had meaning to me: "Take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak. For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you." (Matthew 10:19-20) I ended up talking about the fact that there wasn't any doubt in my mind that I was doing the right thing when I married my wife and I had a similar feeling about being baptized that day. When I first made the decision to be baptized, I didn't see how that would be true but the Lord lead me through it each step of the way.
Two quick asides. The week before I was baptized, I was completely stressed out and overwhelmed at work. There was lots going on and I didn't see how I was going to get everything done - especially given the fact that my entire weekend was spoken for. One of the missionaries shared this scripture with me and then I came across it in my own reading: "Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. (Matthew 6:31-34)"
Also, I decided to fast from about 3pm the day before until after my baptism. We had a family brunch scheduled the morning of my baptism and I chose not to participate in it (at least the eating part). This was disappointing to my wife since she prepared this special meal and cooking is something that requires a lot of effort for her. I actively questioned whether I should break my fast early so I could be part of the brunch. I prayed that morning that God would help me decide what to do. And I got the impression I should read the scriptures for an answer and came across this scripture: "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it. (Matthew 10:37-39)"
Regarding the confirmation, I asked one of the missionaries to confer the gift of the Holy Ghost on me (see article). There are others who are more "spiritually advanced" whom I could have asked to have done this (including the others who were part of the confirmation circle) but I selected this particular person based on reading this article from the Ensign. In the article, Elder Clayton Christensen says "None of Jesus’s original Twelve Apostles had evidenced adequate experience or commitment when He called them. Enoch, Moses, Samuel, David, Jeremiah, Amos, and Joseph Smith were unqualified by the world’s standards when the Lord put them to work. But God transformed them. We will build greater strength and our wards and branches will grow when we stop relying solely on the strongest members."
In terms of what was said, here is a rough but hopefully fairly accurate recreation. Three people were taking notes (thanks!) and I remembered some additional stuff as well.
GNP, By the power and authority of the Melchizadek Priesthood which we hold, we confirm you a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and say unto you, Receive the Holy Ghost. Your Heavenly Father is very pleased with you and your decision to come unto Christ and receive the ordinances of baptism and confirmation, a decision you have made with all your heart. Heavenly Father knows this has been a difficult decision for you and He is proud of your strength, and, as you continue to grow in the church, you will be a guiding light to your family and those you meet and a strength to those around you. We do these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Shortly after the confirmation, I gave my "hypothetical" talk on why missionary work is so important (see prior post). Out of everything from the whole weekend, this was likely the thing I was most nervous about. Again, as would appear the pattern of the week, I found a scripture that put my mind at ease (and one that I put to the test during my talk): "When a man speaketh by the power of the Holy Ghost the power of the Holy Ghost carrieth it unto the hearts of the children of men. (2 Nephi 33:1)" I thought the talk went very well and even I was surprised with the force and conviction with which I delivered the message. I surely spoke with the power of the Holy Ghost and I attribute 100% of my success to that (and not to me or my personal abilities). It was also my prayer that my talk would touch people's hearts in some way. Based on some of the comments afterwards, I believe that prayer was answered (again by the power of the Holy Ghost).
Relative to the talk I posted back in December, I did change the conclusion. Specifically, I talked about a comment that one of the ward members shared with me after my baptism. He said that with the help of the Holy Ghost, I cannot fail. I testified to others that if they put their faith in the Lord and accept the help of the Holy Ghost, they cannot fail either.
Even though I didn't share these final comments from my original talk on Sunday, let me reiterate them here:
I would like to sincerely thank the members of this ward for creating an environment so welcoming to the Spirit. I would like to thank the missionaries for their tireless work on the Lord’s behalf. I would like to thank my family and friends for their unconditional love and support through this process and through life in general. And I would most importantly like to thank our Heavenly Father for answering our prayers, for sticking with us throughout our lives, and for knowing when we are ready to accept Him into our hearts.
A message to my future self
This past weekend, you were baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Regardless of what happens in your life, remember always that your Heavenly Father loves you and He wants you and your family to return to live in his presence. You will surely experience peaks and valleys as you go through life - both spiritual and temporal. When things are going well, remember always that the many blessings in your life come from God, be thankful and humble for that, and re-double your efforts to serve the Lord and observe his Commandments. When things are not going well, remember always to put your full faith in the Lord, repent, and know of the great power of His atoning sacrifice. The Lord has helped you get this far. He has led you by the hand and answered your prayers. He will not abandon you unless you abandon Him. You can always return to Him. He will always take you back. Above all else, accept the will of God in your life and the lives of others and always strive to serve as an instrument of God's will on this earth; not for your own glory but for His. Our Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and life works in a way that only He can fully comprehend.
If you ever doubt these things to be true, know with every fiber of your being that on this day and at this time you knew that they were true and summon strength from the fact that, for at least one fleeting moment, you were without doubt.
If you ever doubt these things to be true, know with every fiber of your being that on this day and at this time you knew that they were true and summon strength from the fact that, for at least one fleeting moment, you were without doubt.
You can be the beginning
A week and a half ago, I visited Rexburg, Idaho to attend the temple open house there (see prior post for rationale). On Friday, January 11, I flew from SFO to SLC after work. On that flight, I ran into a couple that used to be in our ward that I hadn't seen in a long time. To my surprise, they were very familiar with my blog and why I was heading to Idaho. This couple also ended up attending my baptism a week later and commented that they felt the spirit was strong at the event (coincidence?).
My brother-in-law TR picked me up at the airport and we drove to Pocatello, Idaho to spend the night. There were forecasts for snow - and there were some flurries here and there - but the weather held up and the drive was uneventful. As I said in an earlier post, this was the first time that TR and I have had the opportunity to spend an extended block of time together (just the two of us). Usually we only see each other at family events and there are kids running around and five different conversations going in parallel. So it was very meaningful to spend dedicated 1:1 time with him. Prior to the trip, my father-in-law commented that the radio coverage is poor on the way from SLC to Rexburg and that we should bring some tapes along to pass the time. His specific comment was that there's only so much time you can fill with conversation. But TR and I had no trouble finding things to talk about - mostly family and religion. In fact, that night, we talked for about 6 hours straight from 7pm to 1am (both in the car and then in the motel). And then the next day, we talked for about 1.5 hours during the drive from Pocatello to Rexburg and for 4 hours during the drive from Rexburg back to SLC. It was a real blessing.
In terms of that night in Pocatello, the other thing that was meaningful about it is that I finished reading the Book of Mormon. At the point I decided to get baptized (see prior post), I was only 50 pages (~10%) of the way through the BOM. I set a goal for myself, however, that I would make it through the entire book before my baptism date. I fell behind in my reading for awhile (see prior post) and thought at times I wouldn't achieve this goal but I was able to pull it off. Let me be more specific - with the Lord's help (and only because of the Lord's help) was I able to pull it off. During the weeks leading up to this trip to Idaho, whenever I opened the BOM to continue my reading, I was alert and able to absorb the material regardless of how tired I might otherwise be. I know with certainty that the Lord was leading me by the hand through this process (see D&C 112:10).
During the week leading up to the trip, I thought I should put Moroni's promise (see Moroni 10:3-5) to the test again and ask for another spiritual confirmation of the BOM like the one I received 14 years ago (see prior post). But I chose not to do that - not because I feared I wouldn't receive another confirmation but because I knew in my heart it was already true. In particular, I thought about a story a friend told me soon after I decided to be baptized:
Let me tell you my story about coming to know the Book of Mormon is true. As a teenager, I really struggled (for lots of reasons). I was rebellious and quite unsure that I wanted to accept the faith that my parents had taught me. But I was irritated by peopling mocking my family’s religion. I wondered why I was so offended if I didn’t believe in it (since I was offended beyond the usual "being offended" I feel when someone mocks anyone’s beliefs). I decided that it was time to figure things out for myself, so I decided to read the Book of Mormon and put Moroni’s promise to the test.
So, I read the Book of Mormon. I read every day and was quite dedicated until I finished. I remember the day it was time to pray about it. I was in the downstairs bedroom of my parents’ house. I knelt down and said – "Okay, I have read the Book of Mormon. I have read with real intent. I have done my part. I want to test Moroni’s promise. I want to know for myself if it is true. Please help me to feel that it is true and please help me to recognize the answer." (I don’t know if those were the exact words, but you get the message.) I felt nothing spectacular. Really. Nothing spectacular. So I prayed again and asked again. Nothing. I said, "Heavenly Father, you have promised that if I really study and want to know, you will answer me." I must have asked several times. And then the thoughts came to my mind, "Why, my child, do you ask me now? I have already answered you. Do you not see? Do you not recognize? Can you not see that reading this book has changed your life?" I did not hear words. I did not hear a voice. But I felt these thoughts as clear impressions. As I sat and pondered what I felt, I knew it was true. In the short time I had read the Book of Mormon, I had changed so much. While I still struggled with the same difficulties that had led to my rebellion in the first place, I had experienced a change of heart. I viewed myself differently. I viewed my family differently. My desires were different. My behavior had changed. What had caused these things? Studying the Book of Mormon. The spirit of that book had worked a mighty change in my life and there was no turning back. I knew it had to be the word of God and I knew the Lord knew he had already given me sufficient answer to my inquiry. Although I have stumbled and fallen short many times since that initial conversion, I cannot deny what I felt that day. It has stayed with me all these years.
So, instead of asking for a confirmation of the truthfulness of the BOM, I thanked the Lord for the confirmation I had already received, the impact that the BOM and my new faith had already had in my life, and the impact it will have in my life for all eternity. I also asked the Lord to stay with me and let me know what decisions I should make in my life - and have the courage and conviction to make (and stick with) those decisions even if they're not popular or have short-term consequences.
In terms of the visit to the temple itself, it was very meaningful to me. The topic of eternal families has been on my mind a lot recently (see prior post). Interestedly, the Sunday before my trip, a young girl shared her testimony in Sacrament meeting. She spoke about how her family had visited the Rexburg open house over the holidays. She also spoke about how happy she was that her family could be together forever. I'm sure she wasn't thinking of me as she shared these prophetic comments and surely didn't know the impact that they'd have on me - just another example of the Lord working through each of us in ways that we'll never fully comprehend.
For each of my temple trips, there has been something very specific I got out of it. Now, I had no clue going into each visit what that something would be. The covenant, on some level, was that I was going to exercise faith and show up at the appointed hour and then the Lord would take it from there. And the Lord consistently delivered on His part of the promise each and every time (for which I am incredibly humbled and grateful). This time around, the purpose of my temple visit was to deepen my testimony and conviction regarding the power of eternal families. Specifically, in one of the sealing rooms in the temple, KC talked about how the sealing ordinance serves as a welding bond between your ancestry and your posterity. The two become connected in a way that cannot be torn apart (see, for example, Matthew 16:19 - "whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven"). He also said (and this is what touched me most deeply) is that you can be the beginning of your eternal family. Even if you're the first person in your family to accept the gospel (as I am on my side of the family), you can be the beginning of your eternal family. Your faith can benefit your posterity through direct example and transition through future generations but, due to the power of vicarious ordinances and the authority that has been restored to perform them, our faith can also benefit our ancestry and unite us as an eternal family.
I realize that some people - particularly some in my family - will have a very hard time with what I just said. I know they don't believe in vicarious ordinances and also have trouble with other aspects of the gospel. Perhaps that will change at some point or perhaps not. But I cannot deny what I know in my heart to be true - just as I wouldn't want them to deny in their hearts what they know to be true.
The other thing that KC said that was meaningful to me was about not focusing on yourself. In the sealing rooms, there are facing mirrors. KC asked a couple to stand up and faced one of the mirrors. He then made the observation that if you focus on yourself in the mirror, you see yourself and the image stops there. But if you shift your view to your spouse and focus on her, you can see into the distance forever.
One last thing. I am incredibly grateful to KC and his wife for being so generous with their time during my visit. KC personally gave me and TR our tour of the temple and then invited us back to his home for lunch. His wife personally prepared the food and was so welcoming to both of us. I was completely blown away that they would do that - especially given all the other demands on their time. I can only hope that I can follow their example in the future and return the favor by helping others who are seeking or in need of assistance.
My brother-in-law TR picked me up at the airport and we drove to Pocatello, Idaho to spend the night. There were forecasts for snow - and there were some flurries here and there - but the weather held up and the drive was uneventful. As I said in an earlier post, this was the first time that TR and I have had the opportunity to spend an extended block of time together (just the two of us). Usually we only see each other at family events and there are kids running around and five different conversations going in parallel. So it was very meaningful to spend dedicated 1:1 time with him. Prior to the trip, my father-in-law commented that the radio coverage is poor on the way from SLC to Rexburg and that we should bring some tapes along to pass the time. His specific comment was that there's only so much time you can fill with conversation. But TR and I had no trouble finding things to talk about - mostly family and religion. In fact, that night, we talked for about 6 hours straight from 7pm to 1am (both in the car and then in the motel). And then the next day, we talked for about 1.5 hours during the drive from Pocatello to Rexburg and for 4 hours during the drive from Rexburg back to SLC. It was a real blessing.
In terms of that night in Pocatello, the other thing that was meaningful about it is that I finished reading the Book of Mormon. At the point I decided to get baptized (see prior post), I was only 50 pages (~10%) of the way through the BOM. I set a goal for myself, however, that I would make it through the entire book before my baptism date. I fell behind in my reading for awhile (see prior post) and thought at times I wouldn't achieve this goal but I was able to pull it off. Let me be more specific - with the Lord's help (and only because of the Lord's help) was I able to pull it off. During the weeks leading up to this trip to Idaho, whenever I opened the BOM to continue my reading, I was alert and able to absorb the material regardless of how tired I might otherwise be. I know with certainty that the Lord was leading me by the hand through this process (see D&C 112:10).
During the week leading up to the trip, I thought I should put Moroni's promise (see Moroni 10:3-5) to the test again and ask for another spiritual confirmation of the BOM like the one I received 14 years ago (see prior post). But I chose not to do that - not because I feared I wouldn't receive another confirmation but because I knew in my heart it was already true. In particular, I thought about a story a friend told me soon after I decided to be baptized:
Let me tell you my story about coming to know the Book of Mormon is true. As a teenager, I really struggled (for lots of reasons). I was rebellious and quite unsure that I wanted to accept the faith that my parents had taught me. But I was irritated by peopling mocking my family’s religion. I wondered why I was so offended if I didn’t believe in it (since I was offended beyond the usual "being offended" I feel when someone mocks anyone’s beliefs). I decided that it was time to figure things out for myself, so I decided to read the Book of Mormon and put Moroni’s promise to the test.
So, I read the Book of Mormon. I read every day and was quite dedicated until I finished. I remember the day it was time to pray about it. I was in the downstairs bedroom of my parents’ house. I knelt down and said – "Okay, I have read the Book of Mormon. I have read with real intent. I have done my part. I want to test Moroni’s promise. I want to know for myself if it is true. Please help me to feel that it is true and please help me to recognize the answer." (I don’t know if those were the exact words, but you get the message.) I felt nothing spectacular. Really. Nothing spectacular. So I prayed again and asked again. Nothing. I said, "Heavenly Father, you have promised that if I really study and want to know, you will answer me." I must have asked several times. And then the thoughts came to my mind, "Why, my child, do you ask me now? I have already answered you. Do you not see? Do you not recognize? Can you not see that reading this book has changed your life?" I did not hear words. I did not hear a voice. But I felt these thoughts as clear impressions. As I sat and pondered what I felt, I knew it was true. In the short time I had read the Book of Mormon, I had changed so much. While I still struggled with the same difficulties that had led to my rebellion in the first place, I had experienced a change of heart. I viewed myself differently. I viewed my family differently. My desires were different. My behavior had changed. What had caused these things? Studying the Book of Mormon. The spirit of that book had worked a mighty change in my life and there was no turning back. I knew it had to be the word of God and I knew the Lord knew he had already given me sufficient answer to my inquiry. Although I have stumbled and fallen short many times since that initial conversion, I cannot deny what I felt that day. It has stayed with me all these years.
So, instead of asking for a confirmation of the truthfulness of the BOM, I thanked the Lord for the confirmation I had already received, the impact that the BOM and my new faith had already had in my life, and the impact it will have in my life for all eternity. I also asked the Lord to stay with me and let me know what decisions I should make in my life - and have the courage and conviction to make (and stick with) those decisions even if they're not popular or have short-term consequences.
In terms of the visit to the temple itself, it was very meaningful to me. The topic of eternal families has been on my mind a lot recently (see prior post). Interestedly, the Sunday before my trip, a young girl shared her testimony in Sacrament meeting. She spoke about how her family had visited the Rexburg open house over the holidays. She also spoke about how happy she was that her family could be together forever. I'm sure she wasn't thinking of me as she shared these prophetic comments and surely didn't know the impact that they'd have on me - just another example of the Lord working through each of us in ways that we'll never fully comprehend.
For each of my temple trips, there has been something very specific I got out of it. Now, I had no clue going into each visit what that something would be. The covenant, on some level, was that I was going to exercise faith and show up at the appointed hour and then the Lord would take it from there. And the Lord consistently delivered on His part of the promise each and every time (for which I am incredibly humbled and grateful). This time around, the purpose of my temple visit was to deepen my testimony and conviction regarding the power of eternal families. Specifically, in one of the sealing rooms in the temple, KC talked about how the sealing ordinance serves as a welding bond between your ancestry and your posterity. The two become connected in a way that cannot be torn apart (see, for example, Matthew 16:19 - "whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven"). He also said (and this is what touched me most deeply) is that you can be the beginning of your eternal family. Even if you're the first person in your family to accept the gospel (as I am on my side of the family), you can be the beginning of your eternal family. Your faith can benefit your posterity through direct example and transition through future generations but, due to the power of vicarious ordinances and the authority that has been restored to perform them, our faith can also benefit our ancestry and unite us as an eternal family.
I realize that some people - particularly some in my family - will have a very hard time with what I just said. I know they don't believe in vicarious ordinances and also have trouble with other aspects of the gospel. Perhaps that will change at some point or perhaps not. But I cannot deny what I know in my heart to be true - just as I wouldn't want them to deny in their hearts what they know to be true.
The other thing that KC said that was meaningful to me was about not focusing on yourself. In the sealing rooms, there are facing mirrors. KC asked a couple to stand up and faced one of the mirrors. He then made the observation that if you focus on yourself in the mirror, you see yourself and the image stops there. But if you shift your view to your spouse and focus on her, you can see into the distance forever.
One last thing. I am incredibly grateful to KC and his wife for being so generous with their time during my visit. KC personally gave me and TR our tour of the temple and then invited us back to his home for lunch. His wife personally prepared the food and was so welcoming to both of us. I was completely blown away that they would do that - especially given all the other demands on their time. I can only hope that I can follow their example in the future and return the favor by helping others who are seeking or in need of assistance.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Lesser Known Holidays
In the Washington Post, they include a one-page KidsPost each day. Today, the KidsPost was entitled "Every Day Is a Cause to Celebrate" and they highlighted "less important dates to take note of this year." I thought some of these were really funny so I'm including them all here for others to enjoy.
January (Oatmeal Month)
20: Penguin Awareness Day
24: National Compliment Day
28: Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
February
1: Hula in the Coola Day
5: International Pancake Day
14: Ferris Wheel Day
23: Curling Is Cool Day
March (National Frozen Food Month)
9: Panic Day
16: Lips Appreciation Day
22: International Goof-Off Day
April (National Kite Month)
17: National High Five Day
29: National Hairball Awareness Day
30: Hairstylist Appreciation Day
May
2: No Pants Day
3: Lumpy Rug Day
12: Limerick Day
16: National Pizza Party Day
June (National Candy Month)
13: Blame Someone Else Day
26: National Handshake Day
29: Log Cabin Day
July
3: Compliment Your Mirror Day
6-12: Be Nice to New Jersey Week
13: Embrace Your Geekness Day
27: Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day
August
6: National Fresh Breath Day
19: Aviation Day
22: Be an Angel Day
26: National Dog Day
September (National Piano Month)
1-5: National Waffle Week
9: Wonderful Weirdos Day
26: Love Note Day
October (National Popcorn Poppin' Month & Spinach Lovers Month)
10: National Cake Decoration Day
31: National Magic Day
November
6: Saxophone Day
8: Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day
14: National American Teddy Bear Day
21: World Hello Day
December
4: National Dice Day
5: Bathtub Party Day
15: Cat Herders Day
21: Humbug Day
If you're interested in celebrating any or all of these "less important" dates with me, please let me know. =) Would love to know the origin of some of these "holidays". If anyone knows any good resources in that regard, please also let me know. Thanks!
January (Oatmeal Month)
20: Penguin Awareness Day
24: National Compliment Day
28: Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
February
1: Hula in the Coola Day
5: International Pancake Day
14: Ferris Wheel Day
23: Curling Is Cool Day
March (National Frozen Food Month)
9: Panic Day
16: Lips Appreciation Day
22: International Goof-Off Day
April (National Kite Month)
17: National High Five Day
29: National Hairball Awareness Day
30: Hairstylist Appreciation Day
May
2: No Pants Day
3: Lumpy Rug Day
12: Limerick Day
16: National Pizza Party Day
June (National Candy Month)
13: Blame Someone Else Day
26: National Handshake Day
29: Log Cabin Day
July
3: Compliment Your Mirror Day
6-12: Be Nice to New Jersey Week
13: Embrace Your Geekness Day
27: Take Your Houseplant for a Walk Day
August
6: National Fresh Breath Day
19: Aviation Day
22: Be an Angel Day
26: National Dog Day
September (National Piano Month)
1-5: National Waffle Week
9: Wonderful Weirdos Day
26: Love Note Day
October (National Popcorn Poppin' Month & Spinach Lovers Month)
10: National Cake Decoration Day
31: National Magic Day
November
6: Saxophone Day
8: Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day
14: National American Teddy Bear Day
21: World Hello Day
December
4: National Dice Day
5: Bathtub Party Day
15: Cat Herders Day
21: Humbug Day
If you're interested in celebrating any or all of these "less important" dates with me, please let me know. =) Would love to know the origin of some of these "holidays". If anyone knows any good resources in that regard, please also let me know. Thanks!
Monday, December 31, 2007
World War II Memorial
During this trip to DC, we took the kids down to the Air & Space and Natural History museums. After the Natural History museum, we walked down to the World War II memorial since I had not seen it before. I was impressed with the new memorial and thought it was a fitting tribute to our veterans from that war. I especially liked this photo taken by my mother that day. It's too bad I don't get to play tourist more often in our nation's capital.
Monday, December 24, 2007
My Christmas Wish
This Christmas, my sincere wish is that the necessary healing and forgiveness will take place within my family and my wife's family that we might all be joyful to always be together as eternal families. This has been my consistent prayer over the last couple of days and my prayer to my Heavenly Father this morning at the Washington, DC temple. I have faith that this prayer will be answered, if not in this life then in the life hereafter.
The exact nature of my family's challenges and those of my wife's family are not appropriate to share in this post. A year and a half ago (see prior post), my brother-in-law JG gave a talk in which he said:
We may think that other people live blessed and charmed lives. What is more likely true is that those people keep their pain and suffering to themselves, and choose not to be miserable. It is interesting that whenever I get to know a charmed person well enough, I inevitably find that there are many troubles the person is dealing with below the surface. I have not yet found a person with whom I would change places, trading my troubles for their troubles. Our troubles our uniquely suited to help us develop.
The families I am a part of are no different in this regard. We have our troubles - significant troubles - but I believe that they are uniquely suited to help us develop. In the premortal life, we chose to come to this Earth to learn and to grow and to be challenged. We may have picked our parents - or perhaps they picked us - but I'm confident we had some say in the matter. There is an important reason why we are together as a family unit and why, at this point in our lives, we face an important decision regarding how we want our family unit to go forward - whether we want to choose to fight to stay together or whether we will choose to drift apart. Right now, I think most family members would choose the latter option. Reconciliation - true, heartfelt, joyful reconciliation - seems almost impossible. It would be almost foolish to hope for, as much as we might wish for it in our hearts. But, this Christmas, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, I testify that our Savior lives, that He loves each of us, and, through His atoning sacrifice, we may be forgiven of ours sins. Let us follow His supreme example and forgive ourselves and our loved ones and come together as a family.
Let me take a moment to be clear on a couple of key points. First, I know I am speaking in religious terms (and specifically LDS terms) when I speak of eternal families, premortal existence, and Jesus Christ. For those of you who do not believe in these things, please focus on the spirit of what I'm saying and not on the specific terms I'm using to articulate it. Independent of our individual religious beliefs, my wish remains the same - that healing and forgiveness may occur and that we may be joyful to be families (independent of whether or not you believe those families transcend death). Second, when I speak of forgiveness, I am not saying that we need to forget what has happened in the past or pretend that everything is ok when it's not. I'm also not saying that we shouldn't maintain appropriate boundaries, take necessary precautions, or take action when loved ones transgress against us. I am not saying that others do not need to take responsibility for what they have done or how they continue to act; or that others will not be judged on the totality of their lives. What I am saying is that we need to free up and put to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. We need to rediscover the strengths we have always had and relocate our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.
My brother-in-law DE is fond of the scripture "the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32). I would agree. I am not saying we need to "air our dirty laundry" to the whole world to see. I don't think that would be appropriate. But I do feel strongly that there needs to be open and honest communication among family members - between parents and children and between spouses - regarding the truth of the past and the present. I believe this is essential to the healing process. A couple years ago, I spent two full days asking my parents very personal, sensitive, and penetrating questions about the past. I know that experience was quite challenging and emotional for my parents. I know I dug up old memories and "family secrets" they had carefully buried over the years. And I know they likely still live with scars from those "interviews". But I can say, without any reservation, that those discussions were transformational for me. The entire way I viewed my parents changed over those two days. At a time that I was ready to abandon my relationship with my parents, I gained a conviction that I wanted them in my life and the lives of my children. I was reminded - or more aptly discovered - how deeply they love me. And I forgave them for pain I carried around in my heart for many years. I thank them - from the bottom of my heart - for fighting for our family (even though at the time it probably didn't feel that way to them). The lines of communication have since closed a bit - certain topics, for example, are explicitly off-limits - but I am hopeful the lines of communication will open back up even if that causes occasional discomfort. I am also hopeful that there will be open lines of communication within my wife's family (and extended family) that the truth might make them free.
One quick message specifically to my parents and my wife's parents. You are children of parents as well and I know you have unresolved issues with your own parents (or your in-laws). Healing with your children can only be complete and everlasting if you also heal your relationships with your parents (whether they are living or not). None of us can change our past but we each have control over how we will let the past infiltrate our present and affect our future decisions.
In terms of why I believe this Christmas wish will be answered, I will quickly share a couple of personal experiences from the last few days. Shortly after I arrived here in Bethesda, I decided to do some raking so my father wouldn't need to do it this past weekend. My parents have a large lot and a great number of trees - hence many leaves to be cleared. In the midst of this project, I was thinking about my family and my wife's family and the seed of this post formed and become clear. At one point, I felt compelled to pray that healing might come to our families. Right after that, without any prompting from me, my mother, wife, and two sons came out to help me rake. Working as a family (my father was at work), we finished the project just as it was getting dark. There is no way I could have completed this project on my own and I took the rest of my family coming out when they did as a sign that my prayer had been heard.
Yesterday morning, I began fasting for my trip to the Washington temple today. Right after I began fasting, I felt that I wouldn't be able to make it through. I felt sick, lightheaded, and unable to focus. This fast was much harder than the ones before it. But, I resolved that I would complete the fast as planned. This morning, I felt fine - quite well actually. When I offered my prayer at the temple, I received the same confirmation I received at the Oakland temple (see prior post). I also don't think it's a coincidence that one of the missionaries at the Visitor's Center quoted the same scripture to me and my wife that I quoted to my mother the other night (Alma 7:9-12). I took this as a sign that healing and joy would indeed come to my family and my wife's family over time but that there would be challenges and discomfort along the way and that we would each need to resolve to overcome those challenges.
Finally, when I first came out to DC for this visit, I had no idea what I was supposed to get out of visiting this temple. The first morning we were here, my wife and my father had a "run-in" (and subsequent discussion) that got me thinking about all of this. It continues to amaze me to see how the Lord works through others in our lives.
As with all of my recent spiritual experiences, you could argue that I am reading into these events more than I should or that it's all wishful thinking. And, you might be right. But it doesn't change the strength of my convictions or my belief that our families are worth fighting for and that we will only find true happiness if we heal ourselves and heal our relationships with one another.
With that, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
The exact nature of my family's challenges and those of my wife's family are not appropriate to share in this post. A year and a half ago (see prior post), my brother-in-law JG gave a talk in which he said:
We may think that other people live blessed and charmed lives. What is more likely true is that those people keep their pain and suffering to themselves, and choose not to be miserable. It is interesting that whenever I get to know a charmed person well enough, I inevitably find that there are many troubles the person is dealing with below the surface. I have not yet found a person with whom I would change places, trading my troubles for their troubles. Our troubles our uniquely suited to help us develop.
The families I am a part of are no different in this regard. We have our troubles - significant troubles - but I believe that they are uniquely suited to help us develop. In the premortal life, we chose to come to this Earth to learn and to grow and to be challenged. We may have picked our parents - or perhaps they picked us - but I'm confident we had some say in the matter. There is an important reason why we are together as a family unit and why, at this point in our lives, we face an important decision regarding how we want our family unit to go forward - whether we want to choose to fight to stay together or whether we will choose to drift apart. Right now, I think most family members would choose the latter option. Reconciliation - true, heartfelt, joyful reconciliation - seems almost impossible. It would be almost foolish to hope for, as much as we might wish for it in our hearts. But, this Christmas, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, I testify that our Savior lives, that He loves each of us, and, through His atoning sacrifice, we may be forgiven of ours sins. Let us follow His supreme example and forgive ourselves and our loved ones and come together as a family.
Let me take a moment to be clear on a couple of key points. First, I know I am speaking in religious terms (and specifically LDS terms) when I speak of eternal families, premortal existence, and Jesus Christ. For those of you who do not believe in these things, please focus on the spirit of what I'm saying and not on the specific terms I'm using to articulate it. Independent of our individual religious beliefs, my wish remains the same - that healing and forgiveness may occur and that we may be joyful to be families (independent of whether or not you believe those families transcend death). Second, when I speak of forgiveness, I am not saying that we need to forget what has happened in the past or pretend that everything is ok when it's not. I'm also not saying that we shouldn't maintain appropriate boundaries, take necessary precautions, or take action when loved ones transgress against us. I am not saying that others do not need to take responsibility for what they have done or how they continue to act; or that others will not be judged on the totality of their lives. What I am saying is that we need to free up and put to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. We need to rediscover the strengths we have always had and relocate our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.
My brother-in-law DE is fond of the scripture "the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32). I would agree. I am not saying we need to "air our dirty laundry" to the whole world to see. I don't think that would be appropriate. But I do feel strongly that there needs to be open and honest communication among family members - between parents and children and between spouses - regarding the truth of the past and the present. I believe this is essential to the healing process. A couple years ago, I spent two full days asking my parents very personal, sensitive, and penetrating questions about the past. I know that experience was quite challenging and emotional for my parents. I know I dug up old memories and "family secrets" they had carefully buried over the years. And I know they likely still live with scars from those "interviews". But I can say, without any reservation, that those discussions were transformational for me. The entire way I viewed my parents changed over those two days. At a time that I was ready to abandon my relationship with my parents, I gained a conviction that I wanted them in my life and the lives of my children. I was reminded - or more aptly discovered - how deeply they love me. And I forgave them for pain I carried around in my heart for many years. I thank them - from the bottom of my heart - for fighting for our family (even though at the time it probably didn't feel that way to them). The lines of communication have since closed a bit - certain topics, for example, are explicitly off-limits - but I am hopeful the lines of communication will open back up even if that causes occasional discomfort. I am also hopeful that there will be open lines of communication within my wife's family (and extended family) that the truth might make them free.
One quick message specifically to my parents and my wife's parents. You are children of parents as well and I know you have unresolved issues with your own parents (or your in-laws). Healing with your children can only be complete and everlasting if you also heal your relationships with your parents (whether they are living or not). None of us can change our past but we each have control over how we will let the past infiltrate our present and affect our future decisions.
In terms of why I believe this Christmas wish will be answered, I will quickly share a couple of personal experiences from the last few days. Shortly after I arrived here in Bethesda, I decided to do some raking so my father wouldn't need to do it this past weekend. My parents have a large lot and a great number of trees - hence many leaves to be cleared. In the midst of this project, I was thinking about my family and my wife's family and the seed of this post formed and become clear. At one point, I felt compelled to pray that healing might come to our families. Right after that, without any prompting from me, my mother, wife, and two sons came out to help me rake. Working as a family (my father was at work), we finished the project just as it was getting dark. There is no way I could have completed this project on my own and I took the rest of my family coming out when they did as a sign that my prayer had been heard.
Yesterday morning, I began fasting for my trip to the Washington temple today. Right after I began fasting, I felt that I wouldn't be able to make it through. I felt sick, lightheaded, and unable to focus. This fast was much harder than the ones before it. But, I resolved that I would complete the fast as planned. This morning, I felt fine - quite well actually. When I offered my prayer at the temple, I received the same confirmation I received at the Oakland temple (see prior post). I also don't think it's a coincidence that one of the missionaries at the Visitor's Center quoted the same scripture to me and my wife that I quoted to my mother the other night (Alma 7:9-12). I took this as a sign that healing and joy would indeed come to my family and my wife's family over time but that there would be challenges and discomfort along the way and that we would each need to resolve to overcome those challenges.
Finally, when I first came out to DC for this visit, I had no idea what I was supposed to get out of visiting this temple. The first morning we were here, my wife and my father had a "run-in" (and subsequent discussion) that got me thinking about all of this. It continues to amaze me to see how the Lord works through others in our lives.
As with all of my recent spiritual experiences, you could argue that I am reading into these events more than I should or that it's all wishful thinking. And, you might be right. But it doesn't change the strength of my convictions or my belief that our families are worth fighting for and that we will only find true happiness if we heal ourselves and heal our relationships with one another.
With that, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Sept 11, 2001
My wife and I just watched the movie "World Trade Center" on DVD. My brother lived in NYC at that time. I had already moved out to California after having graduated from business school the prior summer. I remember getting a call from my mother early that morning. Given the time difference, the call woke me up. My mom said that she was calling to let me know that my brother was ok. My immediate response was "why wouldn't he be ok?" She then described the planes crashing into the buildings but none of it made any sense. I got up and turned on CNN. The coverage was surreal. I couldn't even process it all - especially when I saw the twin towers collapse. But I was so thankful to know that my brother was ok. As disturbing as that day's events were, I was glad my brother was ok. I feel selfish saying that given the amount of loss other people experienced that day but that's how I felt. My brother was all that mattered to me. I couldn't even process the rest.
After the movie, I told my wife that I loved her. I also told her that if anything unexpected every happened to me, I wanted her to know that I knew in my heart that we would be together again. Nothing, including death, would be able to seperate the two of us or seperate us from our kids. I am very thankful for that.
After the movie, I told my wife that I loved her. I also told her that if anything unexpected every happened to me, I wanted her to know that I knew in my heart that we would be together again. Nothing, including death, would be able to seperate the two of us or seperate us from our kids. I am very thankful for that.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Fasting
Many faiths practice the combination of fasting and prayer. Fasting helps us become more attuned to the Spirit and also helps us be more empathetic to the needs of those less fortunate. For each of my temple trips (see here and here), I fasted that I might build my testimony - and those prayers were answered. In discussing the visit to the Oakland temple, I wrote:
My brother-in-law TR got laid off unexpectedly from his job just before Thanksgiving. I decided to fast that he might find a new job and that this experience might help him in his life someway ... I prayed to begin my fast that it might help TR find a new position. TR hasn't found a new job yet but perhaps the later experience at the Oakland temple was God's way of telling me he had heard my prayer and that my fast would help TR in some small way.
Well, it turns out that this prayer was answered as well. During this particular fast, I had a meeting with the missionaries and mentioned that I was fasting (and what my purpose was). One of the missionaries (ER) said that his father runs a business in Utah and might be able to help - and he gave me his father's email address (even though, in general, ER's very reluctant to mix his personal life back in Utah with his missionary life here in California). To make a long story short, I found out on Friday night that TR is going to do some contract audio/video work for this company (on a program that ER started while he was working at his father's company prior to his mission). When I heard the news from NR, I remember thinking "wow, there really is something to this fasting thing." I knew it before (from the temple visits) but this experience really brought it home - and I am very grateful for that. It's one thing to see the Lord work in your own life. But it's even more humbling to see the Lord work through you to touch the life of someone you care about.
My brother-in-law TR got laid off unexpectedly from his job just before Thanksgiving. I decided to fast that he might find a new job and that this experience might help him in his life someway ... I prayed to begin my fast that it might help TR find a new position. TR hasn't found a new job yet but perhaps the later experience at the Oakland temple was God's way of telling me he had heard my prayer and that my fast would help TR in some small way.
Well, it turns out that this prayer was answered as well. During this particular fast, I had a meeting with the missionaries and mentioned that I was fasting (and what my purpose was). One of the missionaries (ER) said that his father runs a business in Utah and might be able to help - and he gave me his father's email address (even though, in general, ER's very reluctant to mix his personal life back in Utah with his missionary life here in California). To make a long story short, I found out on Friday night that TR is going to do some contract audio/video work for this company (on a program that ER started while he was working at his father's company prior to his mission). When I heard the news from NR, I remember thinking "wow, there really is something to this fasting thing." I knew it before (from the temple visits) but this experience really brought it home - and I am very grateful for that. It's one thing to see the Lord work in your own life. But it's even more humbling to see the Lord work through you to touch the life of someone you care about.
The Second Coming
In Primary yesterday, JD gave a short talk about Jesus Christ and the Second Coming (see PDF of talk). JD was very nervous when he got up to the microphone (in front of the teachers and the other kids) but he managed to gain his composure and get started with my help. Then he read the talk from there without further prompting from me. I was very proud of JD and, on a whole, I think he did well.
In terms of the speech itself, JD basically wrote it by himself. We found out on Friday night that JD would be speaking on Sunday. I was honestly worried about my ability to help him with this assignment - especially for a child audience. I wanted the talk to be in his words and based on his own understanding of the topic but assumed I'd need to guide him through every step of the process. But when I woke up the next morning, he was basically done with the speech. In the PDF linked above, I've included his handwritten rough draft (on page 2). Admittedly, he "borrowed" chunks of text from this board book. But he found the book on his own and selected the text on his own. Also, the other commentary is his. The only things I helped him with were (1) reminding him of reading John 3:16 a couple of months ago, (2) finding a picture of the Second Coming (above), and (3) helping him find the third scripture in the talk (from D&C). Other than that, JD did this entirely on his own - which I personally find very impressive.
In terms of the speech itself, JD basically wrote it by himself. We found out on Friday night that JD would be speaking on Sunday. I was honestly worried about my ability to help him with this assignment - especially for a child audience. I wanted the talk to be in his words and based on his own understanding of the topic but assumed I'd need to guide him through every step of the process. But when I woke up the next morning, he was basically done with the speech. In the PDF linked above, I've included his handwritten rough draft (on page 2). Admittedly, he "borrowed" chunks of text from this board book. But he found the book on his own and selected the text on his own. Also, the other commentary is his. The only things I helped him with were (1) reminding him of reading John 3:16 a couple of months ago, (2) finding a picture of the Second Coming (above), and (3) helping him find the third scripture in the talk (from D&C). Other than that, JD did this entirely on his own - which I personally find very impressive.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
37 minutes
This past Tuesday, I had to travel to Cincinnati for a business meeting. I had a business dinner with a potential partner that night so I was taking a 6:45am flight to get there in time. I set an alarm for 4am to give me enough time to wake up, get dressed, get to the airport, and get something to eat before my flight. I was up late the previous night doing work. I also had trouble falling asleep so I probably didn't fall asleep until about 2am. When the alarm went off at 4am, I thought I pressed the snooze button but, in actuality, had turned off the alarm. Later that morning, I woke up on my own at 5:28am. I know since I looked at the time on my cell phone right after I woke up and then went into a sudden panic about missing my flight. Luckily I had packed my bags and set out some clothes the prior night. I quickly got dressed, ran out the door, and drove as fast as I could to the airport (SFO). When I reached the gate, I looked at my watch and it was 6:05am. The flight didn't board for another 10 minutes.
I still don't understand how I got from home (in Mountain View) to the gate in so little time. According to Google Maps, it's a 23.5 mile drive from home to SFO. On the highway, I remember driving between 70 and 80 miles per hour. My (old) car can't really go faster than that. So, even if I averaged 70 miles per hour the entire way there (including time on surface streets), the drive alone would have taken 20 minutes. That leaves 17 minutes for everything else. I suppose that's possible. 3 minutes to get dressed and out the door. Say 6 minutes to get parked and up to security. And then 8 minutes to get through security and to the gate. Everything would have to go exactly right and it did.
A couple of reflections on this experience. As I was driving to the airport, I kept thinking "there's no way I'm going to make it". I then starting worrying about how I was going to explain this both internally to my co-workers and externally to the potential partner. I thought of a bunch of plausible excuses for missing the flight (e.g., up all night with sick kids, car trouble, etc). As I was doing this, though, I was reminded of the LDS temple interview questions. One of the questions is whether you have been honest in your dealings with others. So I resolved that if I missed the flight, I would tell the truth about it (even though that would have personal consequences). After that, I also remember thinking during the drive that I really needed to get back to reading my scriptures. Although on a severe lack of sleep, I read the Book of Mormon most of the flight to Cincinnati and was quite alert for it (perhaps given the adrenaline rush for the morning's activities). In the time since then, I've made a lot of progress with my reading and have renewed my commitment to finishing reading the Book of Mormon before my baptism in January. Ideally, I'd like to have it done by the time I return from visiting my parents in Washington, D.C. for the holidays (January 4).
I'll mention one more thing about this experience. Between 4am and 5:28am, I had an interesting dream. During one portion, I was talking to a group of people who were challenging me on why I was joining the Church. I remember responding "if it were up to me, do you really think I would have picked a religion with so many demands? One where you can't even drink? Come on, let's get serious here." And, then later, I was kissing a woman's neck (not my wife) and putting my arm around her waist from behind. But thinking the whole time, I need to stop - and that's when I woke up and saw what time it was. It's this latter part of my dream that motivated me to get back to reading the scriptures. Given everything that's been going on, I think I was thinking "my testimony is so strong right now that evil can't touch me" and that's just not true. There is SO much farther I need to go. I am inadequate in SO many ways.
In President Eyring's talk (see previous post), he says:
And the challenge to remember has always been the hardest for those who are blessed abundantly. Those who are faithful to God are protected and prospered. That comes as the result of serving God and keeping His commandments. But with those blessings comes the temptation to forget their source. It is easy to begin to feel the blessings were granted not by a loving God on whom we depend but by our own powers. The prophets have repeated this lament over and over:
“And thus we can behold how false, and also the unsteadiness of the hearts of the children of men; yea, we can see that the Lord in his great infinite goodness doth bless and prosper those who put their trust in him.
“Yea, and we may see at the very time when he doth prosper his people, yea, in the increase of their fields, their flocks and their herds, and in gold, and in silver, and in all manner of precious things of every kind and art; sparing their lives, and delivering them out of the hands of their enemies; softening the hearts of their enemies that they should not declare wars against them; yea, and in fine, doing all things for the welfare and happiness of his people; yea, then is the time that they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, and do trample under their feet the Holy One—yea, and this because of their ease, and their exceedingly great prosperity.”
And the prophet goes on to say: “Yea, how quick to be lifted up in pride; yea, how quick to boast, and do all manner of that which is iniquity; and how slow are they to remember the Lord their God, and to give ear unto his counsels, yea, how slow to walk in wisdom’s paths!”
Over the last month or so, I have tried to keep God front-and-center in my thoughts and attribute everything that has happened to Him. But I have to admit there have been periods of pride where I felt superior to others or unshakeable in my new beliefs. And I think part of this early morning experience was meant to remind me that I need to be humble and always remember the source of the blessings in my life.
I also think this incident was meant to remind me of the hand the Lord plays in our lives. I was reminded of a prior post in which I briefly discussed this excerpt from the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis:
Don't forget to use the "Heads I win, tails you lose" argument. If the thing he prays for doesn't happen, then that is one more proof that petitionary prayers don't work; if it does happen, he will, of course, be able to see some of the physical causes which led up to it, and "therefore it would have happened anyway," and thus a granted prayer becomes just as good a proof as a denied one that prayers are ineffective.
I could pretend that making this flight was my own doing. That I would have made it without God's help. But I would be wrong. The Lord saw fit for me to make it in time. He had a role to play in my life that day and I recognize that - and thank Him for it.
I still don't understand how I got from home (in Mountain View) to the gate in so little time. According to Google Maps, it's a 23.5 mile drive from home to SFO. On the highway, I remember driving between 70 and 80 miles per hour. My (old) car can't really go faster than that. So, even if I averaged 70 miles per hour the entire way there (including time on surface streets), the drive alone would have taken 20 minutes. That leaves 17 minutes for everything else. I suppose that's possible. 3 minutes to get dressed and out the door. Say 6 minutes to get parked and up to security. And then 8 minutes to get through security and to the gate. Everything would have to go exactly right and it did.
A couple of reflections on this experience. As I was driving to the airport, I kept thinking "there's no way I'm going to make it". I then starting worrying about how I was going to explain this both internally to my co-workers and externally to the potential partner. I thought of a bunch of plausible excuses for missing the flight (e.g., up all night with sick kids, car trouble, etc). As I was doing this, though, I was reminded of the LDS temple interview questions. One of the questions is whether you have been honest in your dealings with others. So I resolved that if I missed the flight, I would tell the truth about it (even though that would have personal consequences). After that, I also remember thinking during the drive that I really needed to get back to reading my scriptures. Although on a severe lack of sleep, I read the Book of Mormon most of the flight to Cincinnati and was quite alert for it (perhaps given the adrenaline rush for the morning's activities). In the time since then, I've made a lot of progress with my reading and have renewed my commitment to finishing reading the Book of Mormon before my baptism in January. Ideally, I'd like to have it done by the time I return from visiting my parents in Washington, D.C. for the holidays (January 4).
I'll mention one more thing about this experience. Between 4am and 5:28am, I had an interesting dream. During one portion, I was talking to a group of people who were challenging me on why I was joining the Church. I remember responding "if it were up to me, do you really think I would have picked a religion with so many demands? One where you can't even drink? Come on, let's get serious here." And, then later, I was kissing a woman's neck (not my wife) and putting my arm around her waist from behind. But thinking the whole time, I need to stop - and that's when I woke up and saw what time it was. It's this latter part of my dream that motivated me to get back to reading the scriptures. Given everything that's been going on, I think I was thinking "my testimony is so strong right now that evil can't touch me" and that's just not true. There is SO much farther I need to go. I am inadequate in SO many ways.
In President Eyring's talk (see previous post), he says:
And the challenge to remember has always been the hardest for those who are blessed abundantly. Those who are faithful to God are protected and prospered. That comes as the result of serving God and keeping His commandments. But with those blessings comes the temptation to forget their source. It is easy to begin to feel the blessings were granted not by a loving God on whom we depend but by our own powers. The prophets have repeated this lament over and over:
“And thus we can behold how false, and also the unsteadiness of the hearts of the children of men; yea, we can see that the Lord in his great infinite goodness doth bless and prosper those who put their trust in him.
“Yea, and we may see at the very time when he doth prosper his people, yea, in the increase of their fields, their flocks and their herds, and in gold, and in silver, and in all manner of precious things of every kind and art; sparing their lives, and delivering them out of the hands of their enemies; softening the hearts of their enemies that they should not declare wars against them; yea, and in fine, doing all things for the welfare and happiness of his people; yea, then is the time that they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, and do trample under their feet the Holy One—yea, and this because of their ease, and their exceedingly great prosperity.”
And the prophet goes on to say: “Yea, how quick to be lifted up in pride; yea, how quick to boast, and do all manner of that which is iniquity; and how slow are they to remember the Lord their God, and to give ear unto his counsels, yea, how slow to walk in wisdom’s paths!”
Over the last month or so, I have tried to keep God front-and-center in my thoughts and attribute everything that has happened to Him. But I have to admit there have been periods of pride where I felt superior to others or unshakeable in my new beliefs. And I think part of this early morning experience was meant to remind me that I need to be humble and always remember the source of the blessings in my life.
I also think this incident was meant to remind me of the hand the Lord plays in our lives. I was reminded of a prior post in which I briefly discussed this excerpt from the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis:
Don't forget to use the "Heads I win, tails you lose" argument. If the thing he prays for doesn't happen, then that is one more proof that petitionary prayers don't work; if it does happen, he will, of course, be able to see some of the physical causes which led up to it, and "therefore it would have happened anyway," and thus a granted prayer becomes just as good a proof as a denied one that prayers are ineffective.
I could pretend that making this flight was my own doing. That I would have made it without God's help. But I would be wrong. The Lord saw fit for me to make it in time. He had a role to play in my life that day and I recognize that - and thank Him for it.
O Remember, Remember
Over the last month or so, I've had a number of relatively "dramatic" spiritual experiences associated with my upcoming baptism into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (see here, here, and here). And I also had a strong spiritual experience 14 years ago (see here). I've been wondering why my Heavenly Father would provide me with so many testimony-building experiences - and in such rapid succession - when others I know haven't had any. I am surely grateful for these experiences but also feel a bit uncomfortable to have these blessing bestowed upon me. I honestly don't feel worthy and a bit unprepared.
During the weekly church service today, two members were asked to discuss a recent talk given by President Henry B. Eyring called "O Remember, Remember". In it, President Eyring discusses how we should find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness in our daily lives. At one point, he relays a personal experience in which he received this message: “I’m not giving you these experiences for yourself. Write them down.” And, there it was. The answer to my question. Perhaps the reason why I have been given these experiences - especially at this point in my life - is that I have this venue (my blog) to write about them and share them with others. In that way, my recent experiences have the ability to touch the lives of others.
During the weekly church service today, two members were asked to discuss a recent talk given by President Henry B. Eyring called "O Remember, Remember". In it, President Eyring discusses how we should find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness in our daily lives. At one point, he relays a personal experience in which he received this message: “I’m not giving you these experiences for yourself. Write them down.” And, there it was. The answer to my question. Perhaps the reason why I have been given these experiences - especially at this point in my life - is that I have this venue (my blog) to write about them and share them with others. In that way, my recent experiences have the ability to touch the lives of others.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
First Vision
Last Saturday (December 1), I visited the Oakland and Sacramento LDS temples (see prior post for rationale). The most significant outcome of those visits was gaining a personal testimony of Joseph Smith's First Vision and that Joseph Smith was a prophet. When I bore my testimony last Sunday in front of the congregation (see prior post for rationale), I mentioned that I had previously intellectually known (or at least didn't actively disbelieve) these things but now knew in my heart that they were true.
Many of you probably don't know what the "First Vision" is so let me attempt to give some brief background - more here. When Joseph Smith was 14 years old, he was trying to decide which Christian denomination to join. While reading the Bible, he came across James 1:5: "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him". Joseph decided to put this promise to the test. In the Joseph Smith History 1:12-13, it says:
12 Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.
13 At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James direct, that is, ask of God. I at length came to the determination to "ask of God," concluding that if he gave wisdom to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not upbraid, I might venture.
On a spring day in 1820, he prayed in a grove of trees to know which church was true. God the Father and Jesus Christ, "two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description," appeared and spoke with him. In the Joseph Smith History 1:17-19, it goes on to say:
17 One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other - This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!
18 My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong) - and which I should join.
19 I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: "they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof."
So, basically, Joseph Smith is visited by God and Jesus Christ and told that he shouldn't join any of the churches of that day and that he should await further instructions from on high. This is a fantastic story and one that many people have a very hard time accepting. As I mentioned earlier, I didn't disbelieve that Joseph Smith had this First Vision or that he was a prophet of God, but I also didn't have a burning conviction that they were true either.
On Friday night, my brother-in-law DE came over and we watched a movie. After he left, I decided to pray that I would get something out of the temple visits the next day. As I did so, I had a visceral experience that I couldn't explain at the time. I had the feeling of pressure pushing down upon me but also an aura or force field around me as well. I also remember pleading with God to stay with me during this experience. After I was done praying, I remember thinking "that was an odd experience" but I didn't read into it any more than that.
The following day, I visited the Oakland temple in the morning. At the visitor center, they were showing the movie "Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration". One of the missionaries had told me that I should definitely check it out if I had a chance. During the movie, they visually depicted the First Vision, including this part described in the Joseph Smith History 1:15-16:
15 After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.
16 But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction - not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being - just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.
I didn't know about this dark initial part of the First Vision at the time so it took me by surprise when I saw it on screen. But I immediately connected with it, though, given my "odd experience" the night before. It was then and there that I knew in my heart that the First Vision took place as Joseph Smith had described and that he was a prophet of God. Honestly, this was the last thing I was expecting to get out of the day but I can't deny it either.
Shortly after the movie ended, I decided to offer a short prayer outside the temple with my sister-in-law HG. It was a chilly, windy, cloudy day. When we sat down and I began my prayer, the sun came out from behind the clouds and shone down on me and HG. I remember the warmth it brought and the intensity of the light through my eyelids. I actually paused at one point to soak it all in and then abruptly ended the prayer because any further thoughts exited my mind. I wouldn't go so far as to say that the Lord was showing favor for me in this moment. If anything, it reminded me of an experience about a week prior. My brother-in-law TR got laid off unexpectedly from his job just before Thanksgiving. I decided to fast that he might find a new job and that this experience might help him in his life someway. I decided to fast from 1pm on Wednesday, November 21 (the day before Thanksgiving) to 3pm on Thursday, November 22 (Thanksgiving day). I decided to skip dinner and breakfast since I had a business lunch already scheduled that Wednesday and it had been months in the making. I also didn't want to skip the Thanksgiving lunch/dinner that my brother-in-law DE was preparing. That Wednesday afternoon, I decided to start my fast with a prayer. I didn't want to do it at work so I went for a short walk. I got about 5 or 6 blocks from my office and found a quiet spot in an industrial complex. It was a bright California day and I remember the warmth and brightness of the sun as I prayed to begin my fast that it might help TR find a new position. TR hasn't found a new job yet but perhaps the later experience at the Oakland temple was God's way of telling me he had heard my prayer and that my fast would help TR in some small way. [Aside: I fasted on December 1 as part of the temple visits.]
That's everything for the Oakland temple. The Sacramento temple visit was much less eventful. HG and I drove 2 hours from the Oakland temple to the Sacramento temple and arrived around 2:30 or 3pm. It's a small temple and there is no visitor's center or anything like that. I had one suggestion for someone to speak with at the Sacramento temple but he wasn't available. So HG and I walked around the grounds - which aren't that big and I'd seen them before when I visited the open house for this temple last August (see prior post). HG had visited the open house as well and shared her observation that she had felt a noticeable difference between the Sacramento temple during the open house compared with other temples she had been in. Basically, her observation was that temples are just beautiful buildings until they are dedicated. I thought that was an interesting insight and one that I'll file away for future reflection.
I'm curious to see what the Washington, DC and Rexburg temples have in store for me. Just as I'm composing this part of the post, an email came in regarding my missionary work talk (see previous post). It says:
True to your comments on missionaries converting themselves, one of the times that I felt a true acceleration in my conversion was during my first Christmas on my mission. I cannot pinpoint the moment exactly, but I remember feeling completely overcome with a sudden understanding of why we (as a people) were celebrating: We have a Savior! I was filled with such joy and thankfulness at the thought of the Messiah. It seemed to sink deeper into my understanding, and for a time, I was truly overwhelmed with joy and relief. Then, it deepened further, and I was impressed with the sense of responsibility I had to share that understanding. It was a crowning moment for me to suddenly realize that I was a missionary preaching of Christ on Christmas. It felt so right.
It's not lost on me that I'll be visiting the DC temple right around Christmas. So, if I had to guess, I would say that visit may provide a deeper understanding of Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice. But I've been dead-wrong with my other predictions so I suspect I'll get something else out of the visit. I think the feeling of surprise is part of what drives home for me that the messages I'm taking away from these experiences are genuine and not a result of "wish fulfillment" or "delusion". God knows how my mind works and is tailoring his message so I can recognize and accept it.
There are some additional implications of my "First Vision" experience but it's late so I'll save them for another post. As DE says, good night and good luck.
Many of you probably don't know what the "First Vision" is so let me attempt to give some brief background - more here. When Joseph Smith was 14 years old, he was trying to decide which Christian denomination to join. While reading the Bible, he came across James 1:5: "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him". Joseph decided to put this promise to the test. In the Joseph Smith History 1:12-13, it says:
12 Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.
13 At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James direct, that is, ask of God. I at length came to the determination to "ask of God," concluding that if he gave wisdom to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not upbraid, I might venture.
On a spring day in 1820, he prayed in a grove of trees to know which church was true. God the Father and Jesus Christ, "two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description," appeared and spoke with him. In the Joseph Smith History 1:17-19, it goes on to say:
17 One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other - This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!
18 My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong) - and which I should join.
19 I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: "they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof."
So, basically, Joseph Smith is visited by God and Jesus Christ and told that he shouldn't join any of the churches of that day and that he should await further instructions from on high. This is a fantastic story and one that many people have a very hard time accepting. As I mentioned earlier, I didn't disbelieve that Joseph Smith had this First Vision or that he was a prophet of God, but I also didn't have a burning conviction that they were true either.
On Friday night, my brother-in-law DE came over and we watched a movie. After he left, I decided to pray that I would get something out of the temple visits the next day. As I did so, I had a visceral experience that I couldn't explain at the time. I had the feeling of pressure pushing down upon me but also an aura or force field around me as well. I also remember pleading with God to stay with me during this experience. After I was done praying, I remember thinking "that was an odd experience" but I didn't read into it any more than that.
The following day, I visited the Oakland temple in the morning. At the visitor center, they were showing the movie "Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration". One of the missionaries had told me that I should definitely check it out if I had a chance. During the movie, they visually depicted the First Vision, including this part described in the Joseph Smith History 1:15-16:
15 After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.
16 But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction - not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being - just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.
I didn't know about this dark initial part of the First Vision at the time so it took me by surprise when I saw it on screen. But I immediately connected with it, though, given my "odd experience" the night before. It was then and there that I knew in my heart that the First Vision took place as Joseph Smith had described and that he was a prophet of God. Honestly, this was the last thing I was expecting to get out of the day but I can't deny it either.
Shortly after the movie ended, I decided to offer a short prayer outside the temple with my sister-in-law HG. It was a chilly, windy, cloudy day. When we sat down and I began my prayer, the sun came out from behind the clouds and shone down on me and HG. I remember the warmth it brought and the intensity of the light through my eyelids. I actually paused at one point to soak it all in and then abruptly ended the prayer because any further thoughts exited my mind. I wouldn't go so far as to say that the Lord was showing favor for me in this moment. If anything, it reminded me of an experience about a week prior. My brother-in-law TR got laid off unexpectedly from his job just before Thanksgiving. I decided to fast that he might find a new job and that this experience might help him in his life someway. I decided to fast from 1pm on Wednesday, November 21 (the day before Thanksgiving) to 3pm on Thursday, November 22 (Thanksgiving day). I decided to skip dinner and breakfast since I had a business lunch already scheduled that Wednesday and it had been months in the making. I also didn't want to skip the Thanksgiving lunch/dinner that my brother-in-law DE was preparing. That Wednesday afternoon, I decided to start my fast with a prayer. I didn't want to do it at work so I went for a short walk. I got about 5 or 6 blocks from my office and found a quiet spot in an industrial complex. It was a bright California day and I remember the warmth and brightness of the sun as I prayed to begin my fast that it might help TR find a new position. TR hasn't found a new job yet but perhaps the later experience at the Oakland temple was God's way of telling me he had heard my prayer and that my fast would help TR in some small way. [Aside: I fasted on December 1 as part of the temple visits.]
That's everything for the Oakland temple. The Sacramento temple visit was much less eventful. HG and I drove 2 hours from the Oakland temple to the Sacramento temple and arrived around 2:30 or 3pm. It's a small temple and there is no visitor's center or anything like that. I had one suggestion for someone to speak with at the Sacramento temple but he wasn't available. So HG and I walked around the grounds - which aren't that big and I'd seen them before when I visited the open house for this temple last August (see prior post). HG had visited the open house as well and shared her observation that she had felt a noticeable difference between the Sacramento temple during the open house compared with other temples she had been in. Basically, her observation was that temples are just beautiful buildings until they are dedicated. I thought that was an interesting insight and one that I'll file away for future reflection.
I'm curious to see what the Washington, DC and Rexburg temples have in store for me. Just as I'm composing this part of the post, an email came in regarding my missionary work talk (see previous post). It says:
True to your comments on missionaries converting themselves, one of the times that I felt a true acceleration in my conversion was during my first Christmas on my mission. I cannot pinpoint the moment exactly, but I remember feeling completely overcome with a sudden understanding of why we (as a people) were celebrating: We have a Savior! I was filled with such joy and thankfulness at the thought of the Messiah. It seemed to sink deeper into my understanding, and for a time, I was truly overwhelmed with joy and relief. Then, it deepened further, and I was impressed with the sense of responsibility I had to share that understanding. It was a crowning moment for me to suddenly realize that I was a missionary preaching of Christ on Christmas. It felt so right.
It's not lost on me that I'll be visiting the DC temple right around Christmas. So, if I had to guess, I would say that visit may provide a deeper understanding of Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice. But I've been dead-wrong with my other predictions so I suspect I'll get something else out of the visit. I think the feeling of surprise is part of what drives home for me that the messages I'm taking away from these experiences are genuine and not a result of "wish fulfillment" or "delusion". God knows how my mind works and is tailoring his message so I can recognize and accept it.
There are some additional implications of my "First Vision" experience but it's late so I'll save them for another post. As DE says, good night and good luck.
Why Missionary Work Is So Important
A couple of weeks ago, one of the missionaries I've been meeting with jokingly suggested that I prepare a Sacrament meeting talk. For those of you not familiar with the LDS Church, the main gathering of the ward (congregation) each week is called the Sacrament meeting. One element of the meeting is two members of the ward being asked to give talks (speeches) regarding an assigned topic. Once given the topic, the person is free to take the talk in whatever direction they see fit. Partially to see if I could do it, partially as a thank you to the missionaries, I decided to write a hypothetical talk regarding "why missionary work is so important" (download PDF). Please let me know what you think if you're so inclined.
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