Identifying and overcoming weaknesses

At church, I was asked to do a lesson on the topic of "identifying and overcoming weaknesses through faith in Jesus Christ".  Here is what I talked about in the lesson - borrowing heavily from the book Weakness is Not Sin by Wendy Ulrich (which I highly recommend).

The three main things I was hoping people would take away from the lesson were the following:

1. Weakness is not the same as sin.  Weakness is a state or condition.  Sin is a choice we make.
2. Weakness can be strength – through the grace.
3. Given our weaknesses, it is our choice whether we use them to turn toward God or turn away from God.

The dictionary defines weakness as "(1) the state or condition of lacking strength, (2) a quality or feature regarded as a disadvantage or fault: 'the product’s strengths and weaknesses', syn: infirmity, fragility, feebleness, debility, failing".  The first definition would seem to contradict my second key takeaway above and the second definition is such that most people would never view as weakness as a desirable thing or something for our benefit.  In the scriptures and gospel, "weakness" is used in a slightly different context.  Quoting from Ulrich, “weakness is inherent in the mortal body – which is fashioned from the elements of the earth, shaped by circumstances and experience, and subject to temptation, sickness, injury, fatigue, and death.  Out of this general state of human weakness we experience specific weaknesses such as variations in mental or physical well-being, vulnerability to desires and appetites, predispositions to various physical and emotional states, or differing levels of talents or abilities.  All these varying attributes come with the territory of having a mortal body.”

If we read Ether 12:27 in the Book of Mormon, we learn a couple of key things:

• We are shown our weakness by God
• He gives unto men weakness that they may be humble
• His grace is sufficient
• He can make weak things become strong

The second point is especially important - our weaknesses have been given to us by our Heavenly Father for a specific purpose as part of His plan for us.  In the context of the Plan of Salvation, we came to earth to be tried and tested.  How would that take place with we didn't have any weaknesses?  How would we learn and grow through experience if there were no aspects of who we are that would lead to hard choices or personal struggles?  I thought it was particularly interesting that Exodus 4:11 is referenced in the footnotes for this part of Ether 12:27.  Moses was called to be a prophet but worried about his weakness of being "slow of speech" and having a "slow tongue" (see Exodus 4:10).

So we know that our weaknesses are given to us by a loving Heavenly Father but we also know that weaknesses make us susceptible to temptation.  How do we resist temptation?  A few scriptures are particularly instructive.  In Mosiah, we read that “the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father (Mosiah 3:19).”  Now, notice the parallelism in these next verses from Alma: “And now, my brethren, I wish from the inmost part of my heart … that ye would hearken unto my words, and cast off your sins, and not procrastinate the day of your repentance; But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering (Alma 13:27-28)”.  So how do we put off the natural man and resist temptation?  We must humble ourselves before the Lord and pray continually.  That is the great opportunity that our weaknesses provide.  They remind us daily, perhaps hourly, of our need for a Savior and cause us to turn to the Lord for help – which He is more than happy to provide.  As part of that, we must be meek, humble, patient, full of love, and long-suffering.

In 1 Cor 10:13, we also learn that "there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."  So we also know that our Heavenly Father will always provide a way for us to escape temptation that we cannot bear.  But it's important to keep in mind here (from personal experience) that our opportunity to escape may be making the choice to avoid a given situation all together or making a choice that helps us avoid ever going down a path that might lead to this ultimate temptation being put in front of us much later down the road.

It important to remember that Jesus Christ had weaknesses and knows at a very personal level what our struggles are.  From Ulrich, “even Jesus Christ, who was completely free from sin, dealt with mortal weakness.  He was subject to illness (see Alma 7:11-12); temptation (see Hebrews 4:15); emotions (see Isaiah 53:3); “hunger, thirst, and fatigue” (Mosiah 3:7).  He learned through suffering (see Hebrews 5:8), and he had to learn and grow over time (see D&C 93:12-13).  He needed succor and help (see Luke 22:43).  He suffered in response to other people’s poor choices and judgments, and He died.  Christ joins us fully in the mortal experience.  His Atonement is not just for our sin but also includes in its scope our mortal weakness. Alma records: 'And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.  And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities' (Alma 7:11-12). An infirmity is a weakness, imperfection, frailty, or failing.”

What does it mean for Christ to take upon Himself our pains, sicknesses, and infirmities?  Sister Chieko Okazaki, the author of Lighten Up, provides a perspective that really enhances our understanding of the Atonement and how it applies in a very tangible way to our personal experience.  She says :

We know that on some level Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane.  It’s our faith that He experienced everything; absolutely everything.  Sometimes we don’t think through the implications of that belief.  We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind; of the suffering of the entire human family.  But we don’t experience pain in generalities.  We experience individually.

And then she gives several illustrations to prove her point.

That means that Jesus knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer, how it was for your mother and how it still is for you.  He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election.  He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid.  He experienced the slave ships sailing from Ghana toward Virginia.  He experienced napalm in Vietnam.  He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.  There is nothing that you have experienced as a woman [and I’ll add as a man] that He does not know and understand on a profound level.  He understands about pregnancy and about giving birth.  He understands about rape and infertility and abortion.  He understands your mother pain when your five year old leaves for kindergarten … when a bully picks on your fifth grader or when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down Syndrome.  He knows what it feels like when someone gives your thirteen year old drugs or when someone seduces your seventeen year old.  He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children who ever come are only visitors.  When you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week or when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years.  He knows all of that because He’s been there.  In fact, he’s been lower than all of it.

Clearly our Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ know each of us and our struggles individually and it is through grace that we can overcome them.  When we read about grace in the Bible Dictionary, we learn that "the main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ … It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means.  This grace is an enabling power.”

Ulrich helps us better understand this "enabling power" when she writes: "God strengthens and empowers us, even when our weaknesses remain.  When the word power is used in scripture it seems to have two meanings.  One is 'power over' someone, and this meaning is usually associated with Satan who finds that kind of power enticing.  The other meaning is 'power to' - power to create, to serve, to live. This is the kind of power God has and desires to share with us. Godly power is grounded in righteous strengths from which to strengthen others."

Earlier in her book, Ulrich says: "Strength in its highest sense is what makes us more like God.  While we often think of strength as having to do with our abilities and talents, the strength that interests God has to do with our character – our moral choices, our spiritual gifts, and our righteous desires.  When we repent of our sins and are humble about both our weak human condition and our specific weaknesses, God can help us turn the weakness of being mortal to the strength of blessing others and becoming more like Him.  Some of our specific strengths apparently came with us from the premortal experience; others are ours by blessing from the Lord as part of our mortal stewardship; still others we develop here out of weakness through God’s grace."

I then concluded with this diagram from Ulrich's book which pulls all of these ideas together into a single framework.  It helps us to understand that weaknesses (these things that we might view as "bad" or "undesirable" about ourselves) are morally neutral.  Given those weaknesses, we can exercise our agency to choose to believe Satan and commit sin or we can choose to believe Christ, humble ourselves, benefit from grace, and have the strength to do the things that God would have us do.

Don't be in a hurry

When I was reading through the June 2010 issue of the Ensign, I was struck by an article called "Don't Be In A Hurry".  Here are some relevant excerpts:

The year 1845 was a busy one for Latter-day Saints in Nauvoo, Illinois. Still mourning the violent death of the Prophet Joseph Smith, the Saints continued their efforts to complete the Nauvoo Temple, spread the gospel, and gather believers even as conflict with critics and dissenters hastened plans for an exodus to the West. On a Sunday in August 1845, Brigham Young (1801–77) paused from the demands of leadership to record a dream he’d had the previous night. “I dreamed … I saw Brother Joseph Smith,” he wrote, “and as I was going about my business, he said, ‘Brother Brigham, don’t be in a hurry.’” President Young said Joseph repeated the counsel twice more with “a degree of sharpness”: Brother Brigham, don’t be in a hurry. Brother Brigham, don’t be in a hurry...


Missionaries honor Nephi’s injunction every morning, consecrating their day to the Lord in prayer and study. What about the rest of us? Decades after that dream of Joseph, Brigham Young asked a congregation in Utah if they had prayed that morning as families. Observing that many had not, he proposed an all-too-familiar reason: “I was in too much of a hurry.” Then President Young gave us wise counsel. “Stop! Wait!” he pleaded, “When you get up in the morning, before you suffer yourselves to eat one mouthful of food, … bow down before the Lord, ask Him to forgive your sins, and protect you through the day, to preserve you from temptation and all evil, to guide your steps aright, that you may do something that day that shall be beneficial to the kingdom of God on the earth.” That counsel will bless our lives as it reminds us each morning to kneel in prayer before we tackle the tasks ahead...


Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin (1917–2008) of the Quorum of the Twelve observed how easily we fill our lives with “appointments, meetings, and tasks” and then act frightened at the prospect of some quiet time. Why would that be? He feared that we might “feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth.” On another occasion, he reminded us that “being busy is not necessarily being spiritual”—for in fact, noise and busyness can actually crowd out the still, small voice of the Spirit.


President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) prescribed a remedy for this fever of busyness: meditation, or pondering, or introspection. President Hinckley recalled that his father “never ceased growing” because he made time for “thinking, meditating, [and] pondering.” You may have to turn off your TV, computer, cell phone, or MP3 player, but it’s worth it. As Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, former Relief Society general president, put it: “Take time to slow down and ponder so that you can feel the Lord’s love for you...”


“There seems to be little evidence,” Elder Richard L. Evans (1906–71) of the Quorum of the Twelve once said, “that the Creator of the universe was ever in a hurry. Everywhere, on this bounteous and beautiful earth … there is evidence of patient purpose and planning and working and waiting...”


Perhaps all this was summarized in eight words by the Psalmist long ago: “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). 

In general, I'm in far too much of a hurry on a daily basis.  I'm also in too much of a hurry to accomplish things that simply need time and patience to accomplish.

Two Horses

A friend sent this to me by email and I really liked it...

There is a place in the countryside with a field that has two horses in it.

From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse, but if you'll stop your car, or go walking by, you will notice something quite amazing....

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner, however has chosen not to have him put down, and has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing.

If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell. Then looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.

Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell. It lets the blind friend know exactly where the other horse is, so he can follow.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, completely trusting that he will not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that his blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, GOD does not throw us away just because we are not perfect, or because we have unique problems or challenges.

He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need..

Sometimes, we are like the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those whom God places in our lives.

Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way....

Good friends are like that... You may not always see them, but you know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.

And remember... Be kinder than necessary, because

Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live simply,

Love generously,

Care deeply,

Speak kindly......

Leave the rest to God

Family Night Notebook

When I was reading through the June 2009 issue of the Ensign, I pulled out this tip:

You're thumbing through a Church magazine and see a great lesson idea. But by Monday night you've either forgotten about it or can't find it without a lot of searching. It's a good thing there's an easy solution: sumply cut out or copy the article or picture and slip it into a binder or notebook kept specifically for lesson ideas. Using a few tab markers, you can easily organize a growing collection of lesson material by basic gospel topics.

Early in our marriage, my husband had an erratic work schedule that left him little time to prepare family home evening lessons. But with the binder, he could quickly select a topic he felt we needed to study. As a result, we enjoyed consistent lessons and established a good Monday-night habit. Now that our children are old enough to take turns leading family home evening, we still have plenty of lesson ideas in the binder if they choose to use it.

It's easy to update our lesson notebook whenever we read the Church magazines. We cut, copy, and save as we go so we are always prepared for family night.

Seems pretty easy.  Perhaps we can get a binder going and make FHE a more regular thing in our house. (Note: the fact that it's not a regular thing is my fault ... need to work on that)

What have you done with your life?

I was just going through a stack of papers in my work bag and came across a church program from June 14, 2009. On it, I had jotted down a brief story that one of the speakers shared since I felt it offered an important perspective on life.  I won't get it totally right here but you'll get the message. In her talk, the speaker told the story of a woman who had had a number of hardships in her life ("bad" parents, many challenges, etc). After she died, she went before Christ and He asked her "what have you done with your life?" She got really aggravated with the question and pointed to all the hardships and obstacles from her life. Then Christ clarified, "what have you done with your life with what you've been given?"  And she understood.

LDS material for kids

I just came across two resources for kids that I thought I'd file away for future reference.  The first are illustrated scripture stories and the second is the Friend web site.  Here is another web site that my wife used the other day.

The Mormons in India

Just read an interesting article regarding Mormons in India.  There are about 7,500 Mormons in the country - a very small minority of the population but continuing to grow.  I was also surprised to hear of statements that there will be a temple in New Delhi at some point in the future.

More Holiness Give Me

Hymn #131 in the LDS Hymn Book is called "More Holiness Give Me".  Here are the lyrics:

More holiness give me, More strivings within,

More patience in suff'ring, More sorrow for sin,

More faith in my Savior, More sense of his care,

More joy in his service, More purpose in prayer.

More gratitude give me, More trust in the Lord,

More pride in his glory, More hope in his word,

More tears for his sorrows, More pain at his grief,

More meekness in trial, More praise for relief.

More purity give me, More strength to o'ercome,

More freedom from earthstains, More longing for home.

More fit for the kingdom, More used would I be,

More blessed and holy--More, Savior, like thee.

I was just reminded of this hymn by an old church program that I found in a stack of papers.  I had marked the closing hymn on the program since the lyrics accurately captured what I often long for these days.

Hope: The Misunderstood Sister

In the June 2009 issue of the Ensign, there was a good article entitled "Hope: The Misunderstood Sister". The by-line for the article is "Hope is anything but wishful. It is expectation based on experience." Here are some excerpts:

I think of them as three famous sisters whose names are frequently linked, always in the same order: Faith, Hope, and Charity. They are mentioned several times in the New Testament and with remarkable frequency in the Book of Mormon.

Of the three, Faith may be the most well known and popular, the one whose companionship is sought most often. She’s active and energetic, definitely the can-do type. Faith can move mountains, if necessary.

I picture Charity as being modest and refined, beautiful and gracious. In her presence you feel genuinely loved and accepted. She’s unfailingly kind and generous, patient, empathetic, aware of every need, and responsive without being asked. How could you not want the companionship of someone like Charity?

Then there’s Hope, who seems to have a problem with the way people perceive her. It may be her name and the way it’s commonly used: “I hope the car passes inspection.” Or, “I hope the weather will be nice for the wedding.” Used this way, the word hope is the verbal equivalent of keeping your fingers crossed. Consequently, many seem to think Hope is unsure, even fickle—she may or may not grace you with her companionship. But surely that’s not the kind of hope our Father in Heaven commands us to have. Nor would it be the kind of hope our Savior offers...

When we endure tribulation with faith and patience, what we experience is the Savior’s awareness of us and His love for us. We experience them through the ministrations of the Holy Ghost, the Comforter. We receive this witness after the trial of our faith (see Ether 12:6).

In my own life, when I patiently endure trials, the Savior, who took upon Himself all of our ills and sorrows (see Alma 7:11–12), ministers to me through the Spirit. I experience the Savior’s tender mercies. My trials may continue, but having taken upon me the yoke of Christ, I find Him sharing my yoke, making my burdens bearable, and giving me hope. I then have strength to endure. I have assurance that all will be made right, not just in eternity but also for eternity. Hope is anything but wishful. It is expectation based on experience.

I see Hope more clearly now. She is serene. Her eyes have the deep, knowing look of someone well acquainted with sorrow, the luminosity of recently being wet with tears. Hope has the confidence of one who clearly sees a bright future even when the next hours seem fog shrouded. Hope is steady and strong, a friend I am glad to have beside me during my own trials.

Run and Not Be Weary

In the June 2009 issue of the Ensign, there was a good article containing testimonies of the Word of Wisdom.

Home-teaching - June 2009

For June, the home-teaching message in the Ensign was entitled "Prayer and the Blue Horizon" (link). Here are the excerpts that I circled:

In order to get an airplane off the ground, you must create lift. In aerodynamics, lift happens when air passes over the wings of an airplane in such a way that the pressure underneath the wing is greater than the pressure above the wing. When the upward lift exceeds the downward pull of gravity, the plane rises from the ground and achieves flight.

In a similar way, we can create lift in our spiritual life. When the force that is pushing us heavenward is greater than the temptations and distress that drag us downward, we can ascend and soar into the realm of the Spirit...

Prayer is one of the principles of the gospel that provides lift. Prayer has the power to elevate us from our worldly cares, to lift us up through clouds of despair and darkness into a bright and clear horizon...

Prayers that ascend beyond the ceiling are those that are heartfelt and avoid trite repetitions or words spoken with little thought. Our prayers should spring from our deepest yearning to be one with our Father in Heaven ... If you ever feel you cannot pray, that is the time you definitely need to pray, exercising faith...

Are prayers answered? I testify that they are. Can we receive divine help, wisdom, and support from heavenly realms? Again, I testify with certainty that such is the case ... The answers to our prayers come in the Lord’s due time...

Daily simple, sincere, and mighty prayers lift our lives to a higher spiritual altitude. In our prayers we praise God, give thanks to Him, confess weaknesses, petition needs, and express deep devotion to our Heavenly Father. As we make this spiritual effort in the name of Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, we are endowed with increased inspiration, revelation, and righteousness, which bring the brightness of heaven into our lives...

In the same way that aerodynamic lift can transport us above the outer storms of the world, I know that the principles of spiritual lift can take us above the inner storms of life.

Home-teaching

In the LDS Church, every family is assigned a pair of "home teachers" who are responsible for their temporal and spirtual welfare - more on this topic here. It's a responsibility that I try to take very seriously. Writing about it briefly here mostly to archive that link.

Home-teaching - May 2009

For May, I selected this General Conference talk as my home-teaching message (link).  Here are the excerpts that I highligted:

True faith must be centered in Jesus Christ. “Faith is a principle of action and of power” (Bible Dictionary, 670). It requires us to do, not merely to believe. Faith is a spiritual gift from God that comes through the Holy Ghost. It requires a correct understanding and knowledge of Jesus Christ, His divine attributes and perfect character, His teachings, Atonement, Resurrection, and priesthood power. Obedience to these principles develops complete trust in Him and His ordained servants and assurance of His promised blessings ...

“Strong faith is developed by obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ” (Bible Dictionary, 669). Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught: “Faith is a gift of God bestowed as a reward for personal righteousness. It is always given when righteousness is present, and the greater the measure of obedience to God’s laws the greater will be the endowment of faith” (Mormon Doctrine, 2nd ed. [1966], 264). If we desire more faith, we must be more obedient ...

Personal righteousness is a choice. Faith is a gift from God, and one possessed of it can receive enormous spiritual power ... Faith and fear cannot coexist. One gives way to the other ...

We do have a choice. We get what we focus on consistently. Because there is an opposition in all things, there are forces that erode our faith. Some are the result of Satan’s direct influence. But for others, we have no one but ourselves to blame. These stem from personal tendencies, attitudes, and habits we can learn to change. I will refer to these influences as the “Six Destructive Ds.” As I do, consider their influence on you or your children.

First is doubt. Doubt is not a principle of the gospel. It does not come from the Light of Christ or the influence of the Holy Ghost. Doubt is a negative emotion related to fear. It comes from a lack of confidence in one’s self or abilities. It is inconsistent with our divine identity as children of God.

Doubt leads to discouragement. Discouragement comes from missed expectations. Chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort, weakened desire, and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirit (see Preach My Gospel [2004], 10). Discouragement and despair are the very antithesis of faith.

Discouragement leads to distraction, a lack of focus. Distraction eliminates the very focus the eye of faith requires. Discouragement and distraction are two of Satan’s most effective tools, but they are also bad habits.

Distraction leads to a lack of diligence, a reduced commitment to remain true and faithful and to carry on through despite hardship and disappointment. Disappointment is an inevitable part of life, but it need not lead to doubt, discouragement, distraction, or lack of diligence.

If not reversed, this path ultimately leads to disobedience, which undermines the very basis of faith. So often the result is disbelief, the conscious or unconscious refusal to believe.

The scriptures describe disbelief as the state of having chosen to harden one’s heart. It is to be past feeling.

These Six Destructive Ds—doubt, discouragement, distraction, lack of diligence, disobedience, and disbelief—all erode and destroy our faith. We can choose to avoid and overcome them.

Challenging times require greater spiritual power. Consider carefully the Savior’s promise: “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me” (Moroni 7:33).

Home-teaching - April 2009

Each month, I print out the home-teaching message from the Ensign and mark the parts of the article (or talk) that I think are the most pertinent. It occurred to me that it might be useful to capture those excerpts on my blog so I'm going to do it from here forward. The home-teaching message for April was from President Henry B. Eyring and it's called "Teaching True Doctrine" (link).  The portions that I highlighted are:

There has been a war between light and darkness, between good and evil, since before the world was created. The battle still rages, and the casualties seem to be increasing. All of us have family members we love who are being buffeted by the forces of the destroyer, who would make all of God’s children miserable. For many of us, there have been sleepless nights. We have tried to add every force for good we can to the powers swirling around the people who are at risk. We have loved them. We have set the best example we could. We have pled in prayer for them. A wise prophet long ago gave us counsel about another force which we may at times underestimate and thus use too little ...

Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God” (Alma 31:5). The word of God is the doctrine taught by Jesus Christ and by His prophets ...

The need to open eyes and hearts tells us how we must teach doctrine. Doctrine gains its power as the Holy Ghost confirms that it is true. We prepare those we teach, as best we can, to receive the quiet promptings of the still, small voice. That takes at least some faith in Jesus Christ. It takes at least some humility, some willingness to surrender to the Savior’s will for us. The person you would help may have little of either, but you can urge that he or she desire to believe. More than that, you can take confidence from another of the powers of doctrine. Truth can prepare its own way. Simply hearing the words of doctrine can plant the seed of faith in the heart. And even a tiny seed of faith in Jesus Christ invites the Spirit ...

Because we need the Holy Ghost, we must be cautious and careful not to go beyond teaching true doctrine ... One of the surest ways to avoid even getting near false doctrine is to choose to be simple in our teaching ... We can teach even a child to understand the doctrine of Jesus Christ. It is therefore possible, with God’s help, to teach the saving doctrine simply.

We have the greatest opportunity with the young. The best time to teach is early, while children are still immune to the temptations of their mortal enemy and long before the words of truth may be harder for them to hear in the noise of their personal struggles ...

The question should not be whether we are too tired to prepare to teach doctrine or whether it would be better to draw a child closer by just having fun or whether the child is beginning to think that we preach too much. The question must be, “With so little time and so few opportunities, what words of doctrine from me will fortify them against the attacks on their faith which are sure to come?” The words you speak today may be the ones they remember. And today will soon be gone ...

Two doubts may creep into your mind. You may wonder if you know the doctrine well enough to teach it. And if you have already tried to teach it, you may wonder why you can’t see much of good effect.

The Functional Family

On a flight today, I read through this article from the February 2009 issue of Ensign magazine.  Examples abound of dysfunctional families.  This author tried to lay out some principles of functional families based on his experience as a professional counselor.  He was also trying to provide some specificity regarding how to implement what the Lord has commanded us to do in D&C 93:40: "I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth."  Here are relevant excerpts from the article:

In the functional family, parents focus their energy on teaching their children correct principles and allowing them to exercise their agency ... Sometimes as parents we slip into the role of a manager seeking to control our children because we expect a desired result. The problem with this approach is that children resist coercion or compulsion, especially as they get older. We will be more effective the less we act as managers and the more we act as coaches, consultants, and guides. That means that we teach our children correct principles and, as their maturity and experience allow, continue to grant them greater latitude to make choices and reap the consequences.

In the functional family, parents intentionally strengthen their families. This means that you regularly and privately ponder each child’s needs and assess them against the overall needs of the family ... Intentionally focusing on your family also means you think about the impact of what you say or do not say to your children. As parents, you begin sending messages about how you feel about your children from the minute they are born. These messages include your words, actions, and attitudes, whether you mean to or not. All of these messages shape how children come to view themselves.

In the functional family, relationships are of supreme importance. It is a good idea to regularly examine the condition of each relationship in the family ... One thing I’ve learned is that relationships usually don’t get better accidentally; rather, they improve when we make that result a priority.

Try to invest time in the relationship in obvious ways. Here are some things I’ve tried that may work for you: talk together; play together; spend one-on-one time together; send letters, cards, or notes sharing your affection; give compliments; do something fun and unexpected; say, “I love you”; listen to the other person; ask him or her to help you on a project; share personal feelings. All of these require that you personally get engaged in things the other person is doing. Afterward, talk about your efforts with your spouse during your family discussion time. You might be surprised at how far-reaching your positive influence can be.

In the functional family, parents are active teachers ... We need to consider what we teach and how we teach. For example, when holding family discussion time, you might ask, “What do we want to teach in our family in the next few months? How, when, and where do we want to teach it?” Consider writing the answers down as family goals and posting them prominently so you remember them. Then follow through with your goals.

What else might you teach? Anything you think your family needs to learn. Some topics include courtesy, honesty, prayer, scripture study, finances and getting out of debt, mutual respect in the family, how to use time effectively, how to manage angry feelings, the importance of education, and the need for all family members to do their share within the home.

In the functional family, parents lead by example. Children are always watching and observing our behavior, whether we know it or not ... Remember, our children want their parents to set an example of a person who has a clear sense of direction on personal as well as spiritual matters. We as parents need to live worthy of the guidance of the Holy Ghost at all times, especially when things get tough.

Finally, in the functional family, parents teach their children faith in our Heavenly Father and in the Lord Jesus Christ ... “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” states, “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Remember to be patient with yourself and your family members. Relationships usually improve in stages, not overnight. Strengthening them requires time and effort. However, as you strive to have a functional family based on the teachings of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and His restored gospel, you will provide your family the best opportunity you can to grow closer together and to face challenges with a greater sense of harmony and happiness.

As a family, I think we're doing a reasonable job on these fronts but there is plenty of room for improvement - particularly by me.

Old Testament

With a lot of trepidation, I've decided to try to tackle the Old Testament. I've read the New Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price. So, all I'm missing is the Old Testament to have made it through all the scriptures (for a first time). That being said, the Old Testament is about as long as all the rest of those scriptures put together. I've also heard that it has some parts that are ... well .. slow ... and sometimes a bit confusing. That's where the trepidation comes in. But, if you're going to claim to believe in something (such as the Holy Bible), I think it's important to be familiar with everything in there and have actually read it.

I have a slight twist on this. About two and a half years ago, I signed up for a Hebrew Scriptures class (see prior post). The text book for that course was The Old Testament: An Introduction to the Hebrew Bible. I'm planning to read that book as I'm going along to help me understand the material. And, rather than read the whole Old Testament, I'm planning to listen to most of it in the car while driving to and from work. I figure that will put my 90 minutes of commuting each day to better use than it is right now. As part of that, I just downloaded 64 hours, 44 minutes, and 36 seconds of audio from the LDS MP3 site (link) and I bought a portable MP3 player (link) that I can plug into my new car stereo (link) through the auxillary jack.

We'll see how it all goes. I've listened to books on tape before but not scriptures. I'm curious to see how much of the material I can retain that way. Assuming 90 minutes of commuting per day, in theory, I could get through the entire Old Testament in 43 working days (or about two months). I suspect it will take longer than that but hopefully I can get it done by my birthday in June. If nothing else, it will be an interesting experiment.

Wish me luck. And let me know if you have any favorite parts of the Old Testament or if you want to do this with me. I'll understand if I don't get any volunteers. =)

The Fourth Watch

I recently rediscovered this CD: "The Fourth Watch: Receiving Divine Help When Your Prayers Seem Unanswered" (buy, sample/download). One of the missionaries let me borrow it about a year and a half ago and I made a copy.  I just listened to it in my car.  It's only about 74 minutes so it goes pretty quickly.  If you've ever wondered why God hasn't answered your prayers and why He isn't listening, I would wholeheartedly suggest you listening to this talk.  There are plenty of LDS-specific examples but the core material is taken from the New Testament and the messages are universal.

Here is one excerpt that I just transcribed since I think it will be meaningful to someone that I love very much.

Sometimes  I think the answers don’t come or the blessings we desire don’t come or the trials don’t end because there is no place for God to put the answer yet. I call it a “holding place”. There isn’t a holding place for the answer. And life and experience has to carve the holding place so He can put it. But He hears our prayers …

When I was just a baby, my father – because of concerns in his own life and challenges that he was having – left our family.  And I was therefore raised by my mother alone – my sisters and I.  As I was growing up, my father had very little to do with us as children. I know he was working with things in his own life, but his decisions created certain challenges and hardships for my mother, my sisters, and for myself.

At age 14 or 15, if you were in my situation and knelt down and said “Father in heaven, help me be at peace concerning my father leaving us and really having nothing to do with us, help me forgive my father”.  No answer at age 14 or 15. 20, 21 comes.  Same prayers, no answer.  25, 26.  Same prayers, no answer.  30, 31, 33, 34 … One day I was asked to prepare a talk on families and I thought "well, I will speak about my mother". My mother was a saint. In my eyes, she could do no wrong. So I would talk about my mother and how she raised us. But the Spirit seemed to whisper “speak about your father”. And I thought “what am I going to speak about my father?” I had hardly anything to do with my father growing up. But the Spirit seemed to urge that I think about him. 

Just at that moment, my two sons – I have three but only had two at the time.  I was married, I had two daughters and then two boys.  Just at that moment, my two sons walked into the room. One was about six, the other was around two. And they stood in front of me – just stood there staring at me.  And I looked at those two boys and all at once the Spirit just flooded my mind with wonderful memories of things that I had shared with those boys.  We’re told that your life passes before you just before you die and you see it all at once.  It was that kind of experience.  All the simple little experiences – none of them were major – carving Halloween pumpkins, trick-or-treating, Christmas morning, listening to their prayers, first Primary talks, the puppy, walks by the pond to see the turtles, piggy-back rides, reading them stories at night, catching a fish out of the same hole I caught my first fish at the ranch, taking them on a horseback ride.  All these little simple, tiny little everyday memories that I shared in those years with my sons.  And then the Spirit said, “I am now ready to answer your question. Now that you are a father, now that you know a father’s love, would you be the son who lost his father or the father who lost his son?”

Now, when I heard that, I just began to weep. I just sobbed.  My wife came into the room. I hugged those two boys. Just hugged them and cried. Not for me, for my father. Because I knew what he missed. He doesn’t know what he missed – there’s a mercy in that. I knew what he missed. And I knew it was a greater tragedy to be the father who lost the son than the son who lost the father …

Now, why didn’t God give me that answer at 15? Or 21? Or 25? Or when my daughters were born? He needed to wait until I was a father of sons and had enough experiences with my boys to understand what a sweet thing it was to be a father and share things with sons. The holding place was carved in my heart. And as soon as I could hold the answer, He gave it to me.

 

I know that many of us struggle with the question of whether our prayers are being heard and whether God cares about us.  Without equivocation, I will testify that God cares about each of His children deeply, that He hears each and every one of our prayers, and gives us the best set of experiences - at precisely the right time - to help us grow and develop (even though we might not always appreciate or agree with His plan or timing).

A story about the Houston Temple

This is a story that was forwarded to me via email.  I found it interesting so I'm posting it here for future reference.  The author is unknown.

A few months after my accident, I got a call from a headhunter telling me that he had a position for which he wanted me to interview. I was a little surprised by the call since I wasn't actively looking for a job at the time. As a matter of fact, I was still learning to walk again and use my reconstructed hands. I politely declined and thought that was it. It wasn't!

The man kept calling me and every time I told him why I was unable to accept a job at the moment, he kept telling me that it wasn't important. After a while I decided to go on the interview. If nothing else, it would stop the annoying phone calls every couple of days.

The interview was with one of the largest HVAC contractors in Houston. I've never worked for a contractor before and, quite frankly, contractors and engineers often find themselves at complete odds with each other. I knew for a fact that, in my years of experience, I had been in more than one shouting match with a few project managers at this firm.

The interviewer brought me into a conference room and expressed his thanks for me coming in. He told me that I had come recommended to him as someone uniquely qualified for the job he had. He described the job and, I had to admit, it sounded like a pretty good gig. As a matter of fact, if I had to describe my dream job, this would be it.

I started asking questions about the firm...what kind of projects they were working on and so forth. They were one of the biggest contractors in Houston and so he ran down a pretty impressive resume of projects. Then he said, "Oh...and we're doing this church. It's the strangest church you've ever seen" I'd designed some pretty strange churches in my time. One of them was made entirely of pink glass. When you're especially bored some time, you should try and run down the thermal transfer properties of pink glass. If you find out, get back to me on it because I never was able to figure it out.

The interviewer continued with his description of the strange church. "Another weird thing is that they're spending WAYYYY too much money on this thing. You know how, whenever we do a church, we're asked to figure out ways to cut costs? Well, not on this job. In fact, they keep asking us for ways we can make it even better."

(It's called 'value engineering'. It happens on almost every job when the owner gets hit with the sticker price of the project and we have to go back and try and work with contractors to hold down prices and yet still keep in a modicum of quality…that's where the shouting matches usually occur. Churches are especially notorious at this game and the end result is usually a facade of flash over substance. You build this really impressive looking church and pray that the next big wind won't come along and blow it all down.)

Then the interviewer said something that sealed the deal. "...and the strangest thing of all is that we're not going to even be allowed back in this church to fix any problems. Only members with a special piece of paper will be allowed in."

I fished into my wallet and pulled out my temple recommend, "Is this the piece of paper you're talking about?", I asked.

And so I went to work on helping to build the Houston Temple.

The first job meeting was one of the most bizarre experiences of my life. We all met in a little shack on the temple building site. It was an odd sensation to look out at earth moving equipment shoving mounds of dirt around and get tears in your eyes.

I didn't tell anyone at the meeting that I was LDS. For one reason, I didn't want them to think I was going to come off as a know-it-all. Another reason is that there were some pretty strong protests against building this temple and I wanted to see where everyone stood on the issue. You kind of want to know where all the land mines are before you go traipsing off into the clover.

You may or may not know this but the church sends its own project manager to the site when a temple is built. It's his job to make sure that the specifications are followed in every way. As it happened, the church's representative, a man named Leon, was called away to Salt Lake and so the project manager for the general contractor got up and started the meeting.

"Leon's been called away to Salt Lake and so I'll be running the meeting." He looked around and his eye settled on the Plumbing Contractor, "Gill, why don't you offer us an opening prayer?"

My jaw dropped. First of all, prayers just aren't the standard way that construction meetings are called to order. And another thing is that, I'd known Gill for fifteen years and anyone even mildly acquainted with the man was aware that he was incapable of stringing four words together without cussing twice.

"This is going to be some prayer", I thought...it was. Gill bowed his head and folded his hands and gave a prayer like he'd been giving them in sacrament meeting his entire life. We were grateful for the opportunity to work on the temple. We were mindful of the sacrifices of The Saints. We prayed for safety and harmony among the builders and we consecrated and dedicated our actions to The Lord.

Gill ended his prayer and the General Contractor went on with the agenda. I wasn't really paying attention, however, because I was still dumbstruck, staring at Gill, and wondering what had happened to him. I was still staring at Gill when the agenda came to me and I was asked to introduce myself to the group.

There was a bit of a pause when I got caught still staring, openmouthed, at Gill. Then everyone started to laugh.

"It's in the specifications", explained the general contractor, "we have to pray before every meeting"

Knowing the crowd, I asked, "And none of you tried to negotiate out of that?"

"Well, we did grumble for a while and then Leon started making us sing an opening hymn as well."

I wished I had accepted the job sooner, I might have been able to see that.

I soon found out that I didn't need to tell anyone I was LDS, they all knew and many times a contractor would sidle up to me to ask me something about my religion or the significance of something in the temple.

"What's up with the twelve cows and the big Jacuzzi?", one would ask.

"Is that Gabriel up there with a trumpet?" (Oh...little known fact but if you'll take a pair of binoculars with you and get far enough away so you can see it from the proper angle, you'll notice a lightening rod sticking out of Moroni's head.)

I took to bringing my scriptures with me so that I could explain the significance of different things and point to their Biblical foundation.

One question was my personal favorite, "where's the counting room?". Remember the churches I told you about that I'd designed? Well one thing that never got 'value engineered' was the counting room. It was where they kept and counted the donations and it was always built like a bank vault.

"We don't have a counting room in temples", I said."

"Why not?"

"We don't take in any donations at the temple"

"You mean to tell me that you put all this money into a building and you don't ever get a nickel out of it?"

 

The contractor went away shaking his head. No doubt wondering how anyone as foolish as these Mormons had ever amassed enough money to build such wonderful buildings.

Of all my experiences, only one was what I would have categorized as 'odd'. With an opening prayer at each meeting, design conferences went about pretty much like PEC meetings. There was a spirit of brotherhood that just wasn't normally present in construction shacks.

One day, however, the meeting got a little out of hand. Some voices were raised and anger entered the room. When it made its appearance, I was surprised to notice a letdown that I recognized as The Spirit leaving the room. It made me sad. I looked about the table and I could tell that others were experiencing the same letdown.

It was then that the copier behind me started spitting out blank sheets of paper. Nobody was at the copier and yet it churned out about a dozen sheets of paper and then stopped. It took everyone by surprise and it completely diffused the argument that was going on. Someone made a small joke, everyone laughed and the meeting went on. Little by little I felt the warmth of The Spirit return.

After the meeting, I was going over some items with the General Contractor. I had to make a few copies and so I went to the copier. There was a sign over the copier instructing the sub-contractors to write down the number of copies they make so that their companies can be backcharged. Thinking that I was making a joke, I pointed to the sign and said, "Are you going to give the angels a discount on the copies they made today?" The general contractor looked at me and said, "You know? Strange things like that happen around here quite often."

As the temple neared its completion, the general contractor and I had occasion to chat one more time. I knew that he was a staunch Baptist, one of the churches, in fact, that was so vocal in its protest over our building a temple in Houston. Over the months, we had become friends, and so I felt no qualms in asking him just what his feelings were, as a Baptist, building a Mormon temple. I'll never forget what he told me.

"In ancient times", he said, "building work was overseen by guilds. The guild masters were the ones who saw to it that the integrity of the craft over which they labored was the best it could be. If you wanted to enter the guild you had to begin as an apprentice and dedicate long years with little or no pay. The master under whom you labored, gave you room and board and your tools. Eventually, you became a journeyman in the guild and you got paid. However, if you wanted to become a master of the guild, you had to present a sample of your work to be judged by the other masters. It had to be a work of outstanding beauty and flawless quality for it was the work by which your skills would be judged. It had to be a work that would weather the ages and it was called, 'a masterpiece'"

The contractor continued, "Every building I've ever built has been one where money won out over quality. I've never been able to do the best I'm capable of because of budget restraints. If I'm grateful for one thing, it's that you Mormons don't skimp when it comes to your temples. For once, I'm able to build to the quality I'm really capable of".

 

Then he looked out over the temple and his gaze came back to me.  His eyes were tearing up a bit and he swept his hand back towards the temple and his voice got a little reverent.  "This is my masterpiece", he said.

 

"I've been building buildings for almost thirty years. I've been doing it so long, in fact, that they are beginning to tear down buildings that I was sure would live as a testament to my presence long after I was gone from this earth."

 

"I'm really grateful I had a chance to work on The Houston Temple."

The Other Part of Forgiveness

There was a great one-page article in the December 2008 issue of the Ensign entitled "The Other Part of Forgiveness" (see also scanned PDF).  Since it's a relatively short piece, I've included it all here:

I was struggling to forgive some acquaintances who had hurt me. Each time I thought of the situation and how sad I was, I felt angry all over again. I decided to talk with a friend, a fellow Christian of a different faith, about my struggle.

I told him that I wanted to retain the lessons I had learned but not the pain or anger. I asked, “How can I let my bad feelings go—not just ignore them but actually let them go?”

He responded with another question: “What did Jesus tell us to do with our enemies?”

“Forgive them,” I said, “but I can’t seem to follow through with that, even though I want to.”

“Yes,” he agreed. “Jesus did teach us to forgive, but He told us to do something else, something that I think makes it possible for us to forgive.”

My mind went blank. I couldn’t think of anything. My friend reminded me that the Savior taught us to pray for our enemies. He then pointed out that if others are having a bad enough time that they are ready to hurt us, they too must be hurting inside. When we pray that they will be able to resolve their difficulties, that they will be able to find happiness, he said, we can’t help but feel kindness and love toward them.

A peaceful assurance fell over me. That was it! The Savior’s words—“pray for them which despitefully use you” (Matthew 5:44)—were the answer I was searching for. I took those teachings to heart. I found that in praying for the people who I felt had wronged me, I was able to feel peace rather than anger or resentment. Each time I remembered my hurt feelings, I said a prayer in my mind for my acquaintances, and I immediately felt better. In time, I actually started to feel concern and compassion for these people. I even had a desire to help them if I could.

I am grateful to have had this gospel-centered conversation with my friend of a different faith. It increased my desire to openly speak about my beliefs so that I could have more enlightening experiences like this one. I had been guided and comforted and was blessed to find an answer to a challenge.

I have tried to apply this teaching in my life as well and can testify that it is a true principle.

How Faith Can Heal

Time magazine just did a special issue focused on "How Faith Can Heal" regarding how faith and medicine intersect (see PDF of articles).  It was a reasonably interesting set of material but I wasn't terribly blown away.  Posting the articles here in case I want to revisit it in the future.