You can be the beginning

A week and a half ago, I visited Rexburg, Idaho to attend the temple open house there (see prior post for rationale). On Friday, January 11, I flew from SFO to SLC after work. On that flight, I ran into a couple that used to be in our ward that I hadn't seen in a long time. To my surprise, they were very familiar with my blog and why I was heading to Idaho. This couple also ended up attending my baptism a week later and commented that they felt the spirit was strong at the event (coincidence?).

My brother-in-law TR picked me up at the airport and we drove to Pocatello, Idaho to spend the night. There were forecasts for snow - and there were some flurries here and there - but the weather held up and the drive was uneventful. As I said in an earlier post, this was the first time that TR and I have had the opportunity to spend an extended block of time together (just the two of us). Usually we only see each other at family events and there are kids running around and five different conversations going in parallel. So it was very meaningful to spend dedicated 1:1 time with him. Prior to the trip, my father-in-law commented that the radio coverage is poor on the way from SLC to Rexburg and that we should bring some tapes along to pass the time. His specific comment was that there's only so much time you can fill with conversation. But TR and I had no trouble finding things to talk about - mostly family and religion. In fact, that night, we talked for about 6 hours straight from 7pm to 1am (both in the car and then in the motel). And then the next day, we talked for about 1.5 hours during the drive from Pocatello to Rexburg and for 4 hours during the drive from Rexburg back to SLC. It was a real blessing.

In terms of that night in Pocatello, the other thing that was meaningful about it is that I finished reading the Book of Mormon. At the point I decided to get baptized (see prior post), I was only 50 pages (~10%) of the way through the BOM. I set a goal for myself, however, that I would make it through the entire book before my baptism date. I fell behind in my reading for awhile (see prior post) and thought at times I wouldn't achieve this goal but I was able to pull it off. Let me be more specific - with the Lord's help (and only because of the Lord's help) was I able to pull it off. During the weeks leading up to this trip to Idaho, whenever I opened the BOM to continue my reading, I was alert and able to absorb the material regardless of how tired I might otherwise be. I know with certainty that the Lord was leading me by the hand through this process (see D&C 112:10).

During the week leading up to the trip, I thought I should put Moroni's promise (see Moroni 10:3-5) to the test again and ask for another spiritual confirmation of the BOM like the one I received 14 years ago (see prior post). But I chose not to do that - not because I feared I wouldn't receive another confirmation but because I knew in my heart it was already true. In particular, I thought about a story a friend told me soon after I decided to be baptized:

Let me tell you my story about coming to know the Book of Mormon is true. As a teenager, I really struggled (for lots of reasons). I was rebellious and quite unsure that I wanted to accept the faith that my parents had taught me. But I was irritated by peopling mocking my family’s religion. I wondered why I was so offended if I didn’t believe in it (since I was offended beyond the usual "being offended" I feel when someone mocks anyone’s beliefs). I decided that it was time to figure things out for myself, so I decided to read the Book of Mormon and put Moroni’s promise to the test.

So, I read the Book of Mormon. I read every day and was quite dedicated until I finished. I remember the day it was time to pray about it. I was in the downstairs bedroom of my parents’ house. I knelt down and said – "Okay, I have read the Book of Mormon. I have read with real intent. I have done my part. I want to test Moroni’s promise. I want to know for myself if it is true. Please help me to feel that it is true and please help me to recognize the answer." (I don’t know if those were the exact words, but you get the message.) I felt nothing spectacular. Really. Nothing spectacular. So I prayed again and asked again. Nothing. I said, "Heavenly Father, you have promised that if I really study and want to know, you will answer me." I must have asked several times. And then the thoughts came to my mind, "Why, my child, do you ask me now? I have already answered you. Do you not see? Do you not recognize? Can you not see that reading this book has changed your life?" I did not hear words. I did not hear a voice. But I felt these thoughts as clear impressions. As I sat and pondered what I felt, I knew it was true. In the short time I had read the Book of Mormon, I had changed so much. While I still struggled with the same difficulties that had led to my rebellion in the first place, I had experienced a change of heart. I viewed myself differently. I viewed my family differently. My desires were different. My behavior had changed. What had caused these things? Studying the Book of Mormon. The spirit of that book had worked a mighty change in my life and there was no turning back. I knew it had to be the word of God and I knew the Lord knew he had already given me sufficient answer to my inquiry. Although I have stumbled and fallen short many times since that initial conversion, I cannot deny what I felt that day. It has stayed with me all these years.

So, instead of asking for a confirmation of the truthfulness of the BOM, I thanked the Lord for the confirmation I had already received, the impact that the BOM and my new faith had already had in my life, and the impact it will have in my life for all eternity. I also asked the Lord to stay with me and let me know what decisions I should make in my life - and have the courage and conviction to make (and stick with) those decisions even if they're not popular or have short-term consequences.

In terms of the visit to the temple itself, it was very meaningful to me. The topic of eternal families has been on my mind a lot recently (see prior post). Interestedly, the Sunday before my trip, a young girl shared her testimony in Sacrament meeting. She spoke about how her family had visited the Rexburg open house over the holidays. She also spoke about how happy she was that her family could be together forever. I'm sure she wasn't thinking of me as she shared these prophetic comments and surely didn't know the impact that they'd have on me - just another example of the Lord working through each of us in ways that we'll never fully comprehend.

For each of my temple trips, there has been something very specific I got out of it. Now, I had no clue going into each visit what that something would be. The covenant, on some level, was that I was going to exercise faith and show up at the appointed hour and then the Lord would take it from there. And the Lord consistently delivered on His part of the promise each and every time (for which I am incredibly humbled and grateful). This time around, the purpose of my temple visit was to deepen my testimony and conviction regarding the power of eternal families. Specifically, in one of the sealing rooms in the temple, KC talked about how the sealing ordinance serves as a welding bond between your ancestry and your posterity. The two become connected in a way that cannot be torn apart (see, for example, Matthew 16:19 - "whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven"). He also said (and this is what touched me most deeply) is that you can be the beginning of your eternal family. Even if you're the first person in your family to accept the gospel (as I am on my side of the family), you can be the beginning of your eternal family. Your faith can benefit your posterity through direct example and transition through future generations but, due to the power of vicarious ordinances and the authority that has been restored to perform them, our faith can also benefit our ancestry and unite us as an eternal family.

I realize that some people - particularly some in my family - will have a very hard time with what I just said. I know they don't believe in vicarious ordinances and also have trouble with other aspects of the gospel. Perhaps that will change at some point or perhaps not. But I cannot deny what I know in my heart to be true - just as I wouldn't want them to deny in their hearts what they know to be true.

The other thing that KC said that was meaningful to me was about not focusing on yourself. In the sealing rooms, there are facing mirrors. KC asked a couple to stand up and faced one of the mirrors. He then made the observation that if you focus on yourself in the mirror, you see yourself and the image stops there. But if you shift your view to your spouse and focus on her, you can see into the distance forever.

One last thing. I am incredibly grateful to KC and his wife for being so generous with their time during my visit. KC personally gave me and TR our tour of the temple and then invited us back to his home for lunch. His wife personally prepared the food and was so welcoming to both of us. I was completely blown away that they would do that - especially given all the other demands on their time. I can only hope that I can follow their example in the future and return the favor by helping others who are seeking or in need of assistance.