- Be realistic
- Start with / from a question
- How can we handle X better?
- How can we ...?
- Invite people to participate/help solve issue
- Evaluate yourself - what lack I yet?
- Talk about the hard stuff - ask the question and wait (silence is ok)
- Listen, listen, listen
- 2 ears, 1 mouth
- Seek first to understand then to be understood
- Keep it positive
- 5 positives for every 1 negative
- Respond with the smallest hammer possible, don't let it escalate
- PIE = praise, instruction, encouragement
- Persevere - things take time
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Councils
A little while ago, one of the speakers at our Stake Conference offered the following advice on effective councils:
Monday, January 28, 2013
Bamboo
I'm on a fitness email list from Yuri Elkaim. In today's email, he had the following observation about bamboo and how it develops and grows over time. There are so many areas of our lives where this can apply - whether it's with things we're diligently working on ourselves, some change that we hoping for in a family member, someone's faith in God, etc. Often we may not see the immediate benefits of our actions but, if we stick with it long enough, perhaps we will see a dramatic result sometime in the future.
Chinese bamboo is quite unique.
To plant it, prepare the ground, plant a small bamboo seed, water it, fertilize it for a whole year, and…except for a tiny sprout…
Nothing happens.
Continue to water it regularly and fertilize it for a second year, and then to your amazement…
Nothing happens.
Year three…
Water it, fertilize it some more, lovingly clear the weeds away and then…
Still nothing happens!
How discouraging. You planted your bamboo seed with love and hope. You planted it in the best soil. You watered it faithfully and gave it the best fertilizer.
Your reward?
Nothing.
Year four…
Again, you water it, fertilize it, and continue to care for the precious seed you planted and still nothing happens.
By this point, you're ready to call it quits. You look around, noticing all the other plants in the garden have grown by leaps and bounds and are beautiful to look at.
But your precious bamboo?
For 4 years you've patiently tended to it, hoping that it will grow into an amazing tree. Instead, you get nothing but frustration.
You'll want to pounce on it and stomp the life out of it.
Then just when you're ready to give up on the bamboo and lay down your watering can…
Sometime during the FIFTH year…
Growth starts taking place.
In the six weeks that follow, the Chinese bamboo tree grows as much as 3 FEET PER DAY, until it grows to be as much as 90 FEET TALL!
Just imagine the miracle you would have missed if you had given up along the way.
Life is often like the Chinese bamboo. It can be discouraging and unrewarding sometimes. Especially when you seemingly do things right and nothing happens.
You pay the price to prepare yourself and take consistent action…and yet nothing happens for weeks, months, or years.
This is when most people simply give up.
Chinese bamboo is quite unique.
To plant it, prepare the ground, plant a small bamboo seed, water it, fertilize it for a whole year, and…except for a tiny sprout…
Nothing happens.
Continue to water it regularly and fertilize it for a second year, and then to your amazement…
Nothing happens.
Year three…
Water it, fertilize it some more, lovingly clear the weeds away and then…
Still nothing happens!
How discouraging. You planted your bamboo seed with love and hope. You planted it in the best soil. You watered it faithfully and gave it the best fertilizer.
Your reward?
Nothing.
Year four…
Again, you water it, fertilize it, and continue to care for the precious seed you planted and still nothing happens.
By this point, you're ready to call it quits. You look around, noticing all the other plants in the garden have grown by leaps and bounds and are beautiful to look at.
But your precious bamboo?
For 4 years you've patiently tended to it, hoping that it will grow into an amazing tree. Instead, you get nothing but frustration.
You'll want to pounce on it and stomp the life out of it.
Then just when you're ready to give up on the bamboo and lay down your watering can…
Sometime during the FIFTH year…
Growth starts taking place.
In the six weeks that follow, the Chinese bamboo tree grows as much as 3 FEET PER DAY, until it grows to be as much as 90 FEET TALL!
Just imagine the miracle you would have missed if you had given up along the way.
Life is often like the Chinese bamboo. It can be discouraging and unrewarding sometimes. Especially when you seemingly do things right and nothing happens.
You pay the price to prepare yourself and take consistent action…and yet nothing happens for weeks, months, or years.
This is when most people simply give up.
Friday, January 25, 2013
What does salt taste like?
This is somewhat similar to the prior post but also good for future reference. It's from a talk that Elder Packer did in 1982 to new mission presidents. In it, he recounts a conversation he had with an atheist on a plane where he was challenged about how he knows there is a God.
I will tell you of an experience I had before I was a General Authority which affected me profoundly. I sat on a plane next to a professed atheist who pressed his disbelief in God so urgently that I bore my testimony to him. “You are wrong,” I said, “there is a God. I know He lives!”
He protested, “You don’t know. Nobody knows that! You can’t know it!” When I would not yield, the atheist, who was an attorney, asked perhaps the ultimate question on the subject of testimony. “All right,” he said in a sneering, condescending way, “you say you know. Tell me how you know.”
When I attempted to answer, even though I held advanced academic degrees, I was helpless to communicate.
Sometimes in your youth, you young missionaries are embarrassed when the cynic, the skeptic, treat you with contempt because you do not have ready answers for everything. Before such ridicule, some turn away in shame. (Remember the iron rod, the spacious building, and the mocking? See 1 Ne. 8:28.)
When I used the words Spirit and witness, the atheist responded, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” The words prayer, discernment, and faith, were equally meaningless to him. “You see,” he said, “you don’t really know. If you did, you would be able to tell me how you know.”
I felt, perhaps, that I had borne my testimony to him unwisely and was at a loss as to what to do. Then came the experience! Something came into my mind. And I mention here a statement of the Prophet Joseph Smith: “A person may profit by noticing the first intimation of the spirit of revelation; for instance, when you feel pure intelligence flowing into you, it may give you sudden strokes of ideas … and thus by learning the Spirit of God and understanding it, you may grow into the principle of revelation, until you become perfect in Christ Jesus.” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, comp. Joseph Fielding Smith, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1977, p. 151.)
Such an idea came into my mind and I said to the atheist, “Let me ask if you know what salt tastes like.”
“Of course I do,” was his reply.
“When did you taste salt last?”
“I just had dinner on the plane.”
“You just think you know what salt tastes like,” I said.
He insisted, “I know what salt tastes like as well as I know anything.”
“If I gave you a cup of salt and a cup of sugar and let you taste them both, could you tell the salt from the sugar?”
“Now you are getting juvenile,” was his reply. “Of course I could tell the difference. I know what salt tastes like. It is an everyday experience—I know it as well as I know anything.”
“Then,” I said, “assuming that I have never tasted salt, explain to me just what it tastes like.”
After some thought, he ventured, “Well-I-uh, it is not sweet and it is not sour.”
“You’ve told me what it isn’t, not what it is.”
After several attempts, of course, he could not do it. He could not convey, in words alone, so ordinary an experience as tasting salt. I bore testimony to him once again and said, “I know there is a God. You ridiculed that testimony and said that if I did know, I would be able to tell you exactly how I know. My friend, spiritually speaking, I have tasted salt. I am no more able to convey to you in words how this knowledge has come than you are to tell me what salt tastes like. But I say to you again, there is a God! He does live! And just because you don’t know, don’t try to tell me that I don’t know, for I do!”
As we parted, I heard him mutter, “I don’t need your religion for a crutch! I don’t need it.”
From that experience forward, I have never been embarrassed or ashamed that I could not explain in words alone everything I know spiritually. The Apostle Paul said it this way:
“We speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.”
“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.” (1 Cor. 2:13–14.)
I will tell you of an experience I had before I was a General Authority which affected me profoundly. I sat on a plane next to a professed atheist who pressed his disbelief in God so urgently that I bore my testimony to him. “You are wrong,” I said, “there is a God. I know He lives!”
He protested, “You don’t know. Nobody knows that! You can’t know it!” When I would not yield, the atheist, who was an attorney, asked perhaps the ultimate question on the subject of testimony. “All right,” he said in a sneering, condescending way, “you say you know. Tell me how you know.”
When I attempted to answer, even though I held advanced academic degrees, I was helpless to communicate.
Sometimes in your youth, you young missionaries are embarrassed when the cynic, the skeptic, treat you with contempt because you do not have ready answers for everything. Before such ridicule, some turn away in shame. (Remember the iron rod, the spacious building, and the mocking? See 1 Ne. 8:28.)
When I used the words Spirit and witness, the atheist responded, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” The words prayer, discernment, and faith, were equally meaningless to him. “You see,” he said, “you don’t really know. If you did, you would be able to tell me how you know.”
I felt, perhaps, that I had borne my testimony to him unwisely and was at a loss as to what to do. Then came the experience! Something came into my mind. And I mention here a statement of the Prophet Joseph Smith: “A person may profit by noticing the first intimation of the spirit of revelation; for instance, when you feel pure intelligence flowing into you, it may give you sudden strokes of ideas … and thus by learning the Spirit of God and understanding it, you may grow into the principle of revelation, until you become perfect in Christ Jesus.” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, comp. Joseph Fielding Smith, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1977, p. 151.)
Such an idea came into my mind and I said to the atheist, “Let me ask if you know what salt tastes like.”
“Of course I do,” was his reply.
“When did you taste salt last?”
“I just had dinner on the plane.”
“You just think you know what salt tastes like,” I said.
He insisted, “I know what salt tastes like as well as I know anything.”
“If I gave you a cup of salt and a cup of sugar and let you taste them both, could you tell the salt from the sugar?”
“Now you are getting juvenile,” was his reply. “Of course I could tell the difference. I know what salt tastes like. It is an everyday experience—I know it as well as I know anything.”
“Then,” I said, “assuming that I have never tasted salt, explain to me just what it tastes like.”
After some thought, he ventured, “Well-I-uh, it is not sweet and it is not sour.”
“You’ve told me what it isn’t, not what it is.”
After several attempts, of course, he could not do it. He could not convey, in words alone, so ordinary an experience as tasting salt. I bore testimony to him once again and said, “I know there is a God. You ridiculed that testimony and said that if I did know, I would be able to tell you exactly how I know. My friend, spiritually speaking, I have tasted salt. I am no more able to convey to you in words how this knowledge has come than you are to tell me what salt tastes like. But I say to you again, there is a God! He does live! And just because you don’t know, don’t try to tell me that I don’t know, for I do!”
As we parted, I heard him mutter, “I don’t need your religion for a crutch! I don’t need it.”
From that experience forward, I have never been embarrassed or ashamed that I could not explain in words alone everything I know spiritually. The Apostle Paul said it this way:
“We speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.”
“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.” (1 Cor. 2:13–14.)
Duality
I saw this interesting post on Facebook that I thought might be useful to save for future reference. I particularly like the argument around duality and the fact that cold is not the opposite of heat (just the absence of heat), dark is not the opposite of light (just the absence of light), and death not being the absence of life (just the absence of life). The stuff at the end I think is a little silly but it's fine - and who knows if this is really Einstein (don't think that really matters).
Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent.)
Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does satan come from ?
Student : From … GOD …
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer.)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them ?
(Student had no answer.)
Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor: Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn’t.
(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class was in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class broke out into laughter. )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.
P.S.
I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you’ll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won’t you?
Forward this to increase their knowledge … or FAITH.
By the way, that student was EINSTEIN.
Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent.)
Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does satan come from ?
Student : From … GOD …
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer.)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them ?
(Student had no answer.)
Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor: Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn’t.
(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class was in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class broke out into laughter. )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.
P.S.
I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you’ll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won’t you?
Forward this to increase their knowledge … or FAITH.
By the way, that student was EINSTEIN.
Monday, March 05, 2012
Identifying and overcoming weaknesses
At church, I was asked to do a lesson on the topic of "identifying and overcoming weaknesses through faith in Jesus Christ". Here is what I talked about in the lesson - borrowing heavily from the book Weakness is Not Sin by Wendy Ulrich (which I highly recommend).
The three main things I was hoping people would take away from the lesson were the following:
If we read Ether 12:27 in the Book of Mormon, we learn a couple of key things:
So we know that our weaknesses are given to us by a loving Heavenly Father but we also know that weaknesses make us susceptible to temptation. How do we resist temptation? A few scriptures are particularly instructive. In Mosiah, we read that “the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father (Mosiah 3:19).” Now, notice the parallelism in these next verses from Alma: “And now, my brethren, I wish from the inmost part of my heart … that ye would hearken unto my words, and cast off your sins, and not procrastinate the day of your repentance; But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering (Alma 13:27-28)”. So how do we put off the natural man and resist temptation? We must humble ourselves before the Lord and pray continually. That is the great opportunity that our weaknesses provide. They remind us daily, perhaps hourly, of our need for a Savior and cause us to turn to the Lord for help – which He is more than happy to provide. As part of that, we must be meek, humble, patient, full of love, and long-suffering.
It important to remember that Jesus Christ had weaknesses and knows at a very personal level what our struggles are. From Ulrich, “even Jesus Christ, who was completely free from sin, dealt with mortal weakness. He was subject to illness (see Alma 7:11-12); temptation (see Hebrews 4:15); emotions (see Isaiah 53:3); “hunger, thirst, and fatigue” (Mosiah 3:7). He learned through suffering (see Hebrews 5:8), and he had to learn and grow over time (see D&C 93:12-13). He needed succor and help (see Luke 22:43). He suffered in response to other people’s poor choices and judgments, and He died. Christ joins us fully in the mortal experience. His Atonement is not just for our sin but also includes in its scope our mortal weakness. Alma records: 'And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities' (Alma 7:11-12). An infirmity is a weakness, imperfection, frailty, or failing.”
What does it mean for Christ to take upon Himself our pains, sicknesses, and infirmities? Sister Chieko Okazaki, the author of Lighten Up, provides a perspective that really enhances our understanding of the Atonement and how it applies in a very tangible way to our personal experience. She says :
We know that on some level Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It’s our faith that He experienced everything; absolutely everything. Sometimes we don’t think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind; of the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience individually.
And then she gives several illustrations to prove her point.
That means that Jesus knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer, how it was for your mother and how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ships sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism. There is nothing that you have experienced as a woman [and I’ll add as a man] that He does not know and understand on a profound level. He understands about pregnancy and about giving birth. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. He understands your mother pain when your five year old leaves for kindergarten … when a bully picks on your fifth grader or when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down Syndrome. He knows what it feels like when someone gives your thirteen year old drugs or when someone seduces your seventeen year old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children who ever come are only visitors. When you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week or when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all of that because He’s been there. In fact, he’s been lower than all of it.
Clearly our Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ know each of us and our struggles individually and it is through grace that we can overcome them. When we read about grace in the Bible Dictionary, we learn that "the main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ … It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power.”
Ulrich helps us better understand this "enabling power" when she writes: "God strengthens and empowers us, even when our weaknesses remain. When the word power is used in scripture it seems to have two meanings. One is 'power over' someone, and this meaning is usually associated with Satan who finds that kind of power enticing. The other meaning is 'power to' - power to create, to serve, to live. This is the kind of power God has and desires to share with us. Godly power is grounded in righteous strengths from which to strengthen others."
Earlier in her book, Ulrich says: "Strength in its highest sense is what makes us more like God. While we often think of strength as having to do with our abilities and talents, the strength that interests God has to do with our character – our moral choices, our spiritual gifts, and our righteous desires. When we repent of our sins and are humble about both our weak human condition and our specific weaknesses, God can help us turn the weakness of being mortal to the strength of blessing others and becoming more like Him. Some of our specific strengths apparently came with us from the premortal experience; others are ours by blessing from the Lord as part of our mortal stewardship; still others we develop here out of weakness through God’s grace."
The three main things I was hoping people would take away from the lesson were the following:
- Weakness is not the same as sin. Weakness is a state or condition. Sin is a choice we make.
- Weakness can be strength – through the grace.
- Given our weaknesses, it is our choice whether we use them to turn toward God or turn away from God.
If we read Ether 12:27 in the Book of Mormon, we learn a couple of key things:
- We are shown our weakness by God
- He gives unto men weakness that they may be humble
- His grace is sufficient
- He can make weak things become strong
So we know that our weaknesses are given to us by a loving Heavenly Father but we also know that weaknesses make us susceptible to temptation. How do we resist temptation? A few scriptures are particularly instructive. In Mosiah, we read that “the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father (Mosiah 3:19).” Now, notice the parallelism in these next verses from Alma: “And now, my brethren, I wish from the inmost part of my heart … that ye would hearken unto my words, and cast off your sins, and not procrastinate the day of your repentance; But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering (Alma 13:27-28)”. So how do we put off the natural man and resist temptation? We must humble ourselves before the Lord and pray continually. That is the great opportunity that our weaknesses provide. They remind us daily, perhaps hourly, of our need for a Savior and cause us to turn to the Lord for help – which He is more than happy to provide. As part of that, we must be meek, humble, patient, full of love, and long-suffering.
In 1 Cor 10:13, we also learn that "there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." So we also know that our Heavenly Father will always provide a way for us to escape temptation that we cannot bear. But it's important to keep in mind here (from personal experience) that our opportunity to escape may be making the choice to avoid a given situation all together or making a choice that helps us avoid ever going down a path that might lead to this ultimate temptation being put in front of us much later down the road.
It important to remember that Jesus Christ had weaknesses and knows at a very personal level what our struggles are. From Ulrich, “even Jesus Christ, who was completely free from sin, dealt with mortal weakness. He was subject to illness (see Alma 7:11-12); temptation (see Hebrews 4:15); emotions (see Isaiah 53:3); “hunger, thirst, and fatigue” (Mosiah 3:7). He learned through suffering (see Hebrews 5:8), and he had to learn and grow over time (see D&C 93:12-13). He needed succor and help (see Luke 22:43). He suffered in response to other people’s poor choices and judgments, and He died. Christ joins us fully in the mortal experience. His Atonement is not just for our sin but also includes in its scope our mortal weakness. Alma records: 'And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities' (Alma 7:11-12). An infirmity is a weakness, imperfection, frailty, or failing.”
What does it mean for Christ to take upon Himself our pains, sicknesses, and infirmities? Sister Chieko Okazaki, the author of Lighten Up, provides a perspective that really enhances our understanding of the Atonement and how it applies in a very tangible way to our personal experience. She says :
We know that on some level Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It’s our faith that He experienced everything; absolutely everything. Sometimes we don’t think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind; of the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience individually.
And then she gives several illustrations to prove her point.
That means that Jesus knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer, how it was for your mother and how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ships sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism. There is nothing that you have experienced as a woman [and I’ll add as a man] that He does not know and understand on a profound level. He understands about pregnancy and about giving birth. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. He understands your mother pain when your five year old leaves for kindergarten … when a bully picks on your fifth grader or when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down Syndrome. He knows what it feels like when someone gives your thirteen year old drugs or when someone seduces your seventeen year old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children who ever come are only visitors. When you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week or when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all of that because He’s been there. In fact, he’s been lower than all of it.
Clearly our Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ know each of us and our struggles individually and it is through grace that we can overcome them. When we read about grace in the Bible Dictionary, we learn that "the main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ … It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power.”
Ulrich helps us better understand this "enabling power" when she writes: "God strengthens and empowers us, even when our weaknesses remain. When the word power is used in scripture it seems to have two meanings. One is 'power over' someone, and this meaning is usually associated with Satan who finds that kind of power enticing. The other meaning is 'power to' - power to create, to serve, to live. This is the kind of power God has and desires to share with us. Godly power is grounded in righteous strengths from which to strengthen others."
Earlier in her book, Ulrich says: "Strength in its highest sense is what makes us more like God. While we often think of strength as having to do with our abilities and talents, the strength that interests God has to do with our character – our moral choices, our spiritual gifts, and our righteous desires. When we repent of our sins and are humble about both our weak human condition and our specific weaknesses, God can help us turn the weakness of being mortal to the strength of blessing others and becoming more like Him. Some of our specific strengths apparently came with us from the premortal experience; others are ours by blessing from the Lord as part of our mortal stewardship; still others we develop here out of weakness through God’s grace."
I then concluded with this diagram from Ulrich's book which pulls all of these ideas together into a single framework. It helps us to understand that weaknesses (these things that we might view as "bad" or "undesirable" about ourselves) are morally neutral. Given those weaknesses, we can exercise our agency to choose to believe Satan and commit sin or we can choose to believe Christ, humble ourselves, benefit from grace, and have the strength to do the things that God would have us do.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Do you really want to be a leader?
This is an article (from the Wall Street Journal, I believe) that I cut out a long time ago - see PDF. I thought it was a sobering account of what happens and what's important as you move up in organizations. Here is one excerpt:
Aspiring executives who wish to gauge their ultimate potential, or that of others, should ask instead: What level of leadership do they aspire to? And are they willing to invest the effort and make the sacrifices required to take on the responsibility of the position?
The most senior jobs present tasks that are massive, complex and full of conflict. The playing field and rules become less certain. Indeed, part of a leader's job is to shape these things.
Also, the further an executive rises, the more he or she must deal with high-caliber people who know how to get what they want, are difficult, strong-willed and have a sharp appetite for power.
Aspiring executives who wish to gauge their ultimate potential, or that of others, should ask instead: What level of leadership do they aspire to? And are they willing to invest the effort and make the sacrifices required to take on the responsibility of the position?
The most senior jobs present tasks that are massive, complex and full of conflict. The playing field and rules become less certain. Indeed, part of a leader's job is to shape these things.
Also, the further an executive rises, the more he or she must deal with high-caliber people who know how to get what they want, are difficult, strong-willed and have a sharp appetite for power.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
San Diego vacation
Last week, we took the family down to San Diego for a pre-Christmas vacation since the kids were out of school and I needed some time off from work. Here is what we did:
Saturday, December 17
Saturday, December 17
- Drive from Mountain View to San Diego - make great time on the road and then get stuck in crazy traffic in LA
- Stop for dinner in Oceanside at the home of a friend from college.
Sunday, December 18
- Attend church - and enjoy a wonderful Christmas program
- Visit the San Diego temple and take photos
- Visit the Mormon Battalion Historic Site - very cool with neat interactive technology
- Watch NFL football at the hotel
- View Christmas lights display in Chula Vista - very cool with over 55 homes involved
Monday, December 19
- Visit the San Diego Zoo - we saw all the animals, attended a few shows, and took a trolly tour of the Christmas lights they had setup
Tuesday, December 20
- Visit SeaWorld - the shows were by far the best part of SeaWorld (with Blue Horizons being our overall favorite)
Wednesday, December 21
- Visit the USS Midway Museum - super-cool aircraft carrier with a neat self-guided audio tour; the boys also enjoyed answering questions to get their Junior Pilot wings
- Attempt to visit The New Children's Museum - but it was closed
- Attend the Poinsettia Bowl - the kids are really into football at the moment so we bought tickets to a college bowl game; the kids made a poster to try to get on TV but weren't successful; close and exciting game overall with TCU coming out on top; the TCU marching band leaders were also amusing during the game
Thursday, December 22
- Visit San Diego Zoo Safari Park - cool to see animals in a setting closer to their natural habitat; got to see a rhino running for the first time; surprisingly, the garden trail was everyone's favorite part of the day; the cheetah run was over-hyped and over-crowded
Friday, December 23
- Visit Cabrillo National Monument - great lookout point over San Diego and Coronado; the kids (especially AJ) enjoyed answering questions to become Junior Park Rangers
- Drive to Coronado
- Take the San Diego - Coronado Ferry round-trip - JD especially wanted to do this; beautiful day with nice views from the ferry
- Visit Coronado Beach - threw the football for a little bit on the beach; we'll be sure to return another time when it's a bit warmer; beautiful
- Visit Belmont Park - went on a bunch of rides as the grand finale; it was great that AJ is now tall enough to go on all the rides!
Saturday, December 24
- Drive home from San Diego - didn't hit traffic anywhere (yeah!)
All in all, I thought it was a great trip. There were rough spots for sure but, on balance, I think everyone had an enjoyable time.
Why Common Sense is Uncommon
I'm going through a bunch of old papers since I have some free time this week. One of the things that I came across were some notes from 18 months ago regarding a book I thought would be interesting to write. The working title at the time was "Why Common Sense Is Uncommon" or "Why Common Sense Isn't Common". I don't want to lose the notes so I'm posting them here in case I ever decide to return to this project.
- Define "common sense" - likely lots of definitions of common sense and lots of different opinions regarding what it would be in a given situation
- Why overriding parental instincts?
- Why a bunch of 150 IQ people in a room make a 75 IQ decision?
- Why we make things harder / more complicated than they need to be?
- Why have we taken common sense or judgement out of a lot of processes or decisions? Whose definition of common sense?
- IQ vs EQ
- Why do we question our own judgement?
- Peer pressure, keeping up with others, herd mentality
- Why do we buy things we know we can't afford?
- Why do we do things that we know going into it will end badly?
- Why does something seem totally obvious and "common sense" to one person but not to others?
- How can someone be really smart but lack common sense?
- Find examples of big and small decisions / situations where common sense didn't prevail
- Common sense guide to X
- Why is it that a lot of management / business frameworks / books seem obvious / common sense when we see them but they weren't obvious before that?
- Why isn't common sense common practice?
- Occam's razor - simplest solution is usually the right one
- Are there situations where a common sense approach / solution doesn't make sense?
- Why do we make things more complicated than they need to be by making decisions by committee? Like big family trying to decide what to do. No one wants to make the decision so no decision is made or it's an amalgamation of everyone's ideas. Trying to please too many people.
- Role of "following one's instincts" or "listening to one's gut" - when does it make sense, when can it get us into trouble and how do we know the signal is coming in clear vs our minds taking over and overriding our instinct / gut
- Even if something is obvious or common sense, why don't we do it? Are we worried about conflict (like firing someone or changing their role? Are we worried about not having enough data or evidence to back up our decision if it goes bad?
- Steve delC - a good theory is one that you attempt to disprove and can't
As I read back over these notes, this still seems like it would make for a good book. I'd be interested in what others think. Also, if someone takes this idea and turns it into a book before I can, please do me two favors: (1) make the book good and (2) mention me in the acknowledgments.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Top 5 Regrets People Make on their Deathbed
A friend of mine posted this link on Facebook. I found it very meaningful so I am including it here on my blog for future reference. In case the page is taken down at some point, I am also copying the text in this page:
Top 5 Regrets People Make on their Deathbed
By Bronnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying)
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks,love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again,long before you are dying.
——————————————————————————
originally posted at http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
Top 5 Regrets People Make on their Deathbed
By Bronnie Ware (who worked for years nursing the dying)
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly,in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip.But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks,love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again,long before you are dying.
——————————————————————————
originally posted at http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Making it to the NFL
I was reading an article in Sports Illustrated awhile ago about Jim Harbaugh (the head football coach at Stanford) and his brother who coaches in the NFL. This was my favorite quote from the entire article:
Once in a while, Jim Harbaugh asks his Stanford players to name the one thing you have to do to make an NFL team. The answers come quickly: You have to be talented. You have to work hard. Nope, Jim says. A lot of guys are talented and work hard and never make it. "The one thing you have to do to make an NFL team," he says, "is take another man's job away from him. And those men really like those jobs."
Once in a while, Jim Harbaugh asks his Stanford players to name the one thing you have to do to make an NFL team. The answers come quickly: You have to be talented. You have to work hard. Nope, Jim says. A lot of guys are talented and work hard and never make it. "The one thing you have to do to make an NFL team," he says, "is take another man's job away from him. And those men really like those jobs."
I think this principle applies in a number of other careers and situations that are competitive by their nature.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Don’t grab what you can’t hold on to
This is an interesting story from the early days of the oil industry (as reported in this piece from Biofuels Digest).
I thought at the time it would be, therefore, useful to relate something of the character of the man who founded Saudi Aramco, Harry Deward Collier ... Collier was a marine engineer by training, who joined Standard Oil in 1903 when it became clear that the marine industry was going to completely convert over from coal to oil, and he took a leading part in that transition. His own father had participated in the transition from sail to steam. His grandfather had participated in the transition from the New England whalers to the great Yankee Clippers, as a fleet owner and china trader. From his own story, Henry Deward Collier understood the transitory nature of transportation technologies, the importance of thinking globally, the importance of China.
He had a little trick he would play. He would ask you, “Would you like a nickel?” This was back in the day when a nickel was worth something.
“Sure,” you’d say, “what do I have to do for it?”
“There is is, take it.” And he’d point to a nickel by the stove. What the victim didn’t know is that he’d have heated up the nickel, so it was burning hot, and when you picked it up you’d drop it right away.
“What the Sam Hill you do that for?” you’d say.
“Don’t grab what you can’t hold on to,” he’d answer. “Study the problem, make a tool, make a friend. if you do that, there’s nothing you can’t get a hold of and keep holding onto.”
This story makes me wonder what I'm grabbing for that I'm not prepared to actually hold on to. And, conversely, I wonder what I could (or should) be grabbing for if I only studied the problem, made a tool, and made a friend.
I thought at the time it would be, therefore, useful to relate something of the character of the man who founded Saudi Aramco, Harry Deward Collier ... Collier was a marine engineer by training, who joined Standard Oil in 1903 when it became clear that the marine industry was going to completely convert over from coal to oil, and he took a leading part in that transition. His own father had participated in the transition from sail to steam. His grandfather had participated in the transition from the New England whalers to the great Yankee Clippers, as a fleet owner and china trader. From his own story, Henry Deward Collier understood the transitory nature of transportation technologies, the importance of thinking globally, the importance of China.
He had a little trick he would play. He would ask you, “Would you like a nickel?” This was back in the day when a nickel was worth something.
“Sure,” you’d say, “what do I have to do for it?”
“There is is, take it.” And he’d point to a nickel by the stove. What the victim didn’t know is that he’d have heated up the nickel, so it was burning hot, and when you picked it up you’d drop it right away.
“What the Sam Hill you do that for?” you’d say.
“Don’t grab what you can’t hold on to,” he’d answer. “Study the problem, make a tool, make a friend. if you do that, there’s nothing you can’t get a hold of and keep holding onto.”
This story makes me wonder what I'm grabbing for that I'm not prepared to actually hold on to. And, conversely, I wonder what I could (or should) be grabbing for if I only studied the problem, made a tool, and made a friend.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
You are the Third Person
A friend of mine forwarded this essay by Zig Ziglar to me. It's a good perspective.
Several years ago, I heard the statement that "every third person is either remarkably handsome and unusually bright, or amazingly beautiful and absolutely brilliant." I encourage you to make a mental note. The next two people you see, look them over real good. When you do, chances are excellent that you will come to the conclusion that it is neither one of them! That means it has to be you, if the formula is to hold true. When you think about it in these terms, I believe you will come to the conclusion that, yes, it does have to be you.
From this moment on, I encourage you to think of yourself as that "third person," and as that third person, I want to share with you some important considerations about yourself. Several billion people have walked this earth, but there never has been, nor will there ever be, a person exactly like you. Your uniqueness gives you real value.
Think about it like this: If man can take moldy bread and make penicillin out of it, think what an awesome God can make out of you. Listen to what St. Augustine said in 399 A.D. (and I paraphrase with this): Man travels hundreds of miles to gaze at the broad expanse of the ocean. He looks in awe at the heavens above. He stares in wonderment at the fields, the mountains, the rivers and the streams. And then he passes himself by without a thought -- God's most amazing creation. It is important that you think well, not egotistically, about yourself because the way you see yourself has a direct bearing on how you see and treat others. If you see yourself as happy, secure, self-sufficient and as a good friend, you'll attract happy, secure, self-sufficient, good friends.
To get along well with people requires an elimination of prejudice, which, in virtually every case, is circumstantial, based either on ignorance or never having had any real relationship with those of a different race or culture. This does not mean that I'm suggesting or even mildly hinting that you have to agree with everybody on everything. To do so would be to invite disaster in your life. But it does mean that you can disagree without being disagreeable. You can disagree and yet respect that person's right to believe as he or she believes. You can have a different opinion without denying the other person the right to have the opinion he or she has. When you adopt that attitude and take that approach, you will probably be amazed to discover on occasion that your friend's point of view was right and yours was wrong. That's a sobering thought.
When you take the right attitude toward another person, you not only avoid building a wall between the two of you, you also establish common ground and lay a solid foundation on which to build a relationship. It certainly is something to think about and something I have found to be very enlightening and beneficial.
I encourage you to replay the tapes of your life. Explore the number of times people who were "different" from you turned out to be really great people, who had opinions with which you disagreed but that turned out to be correct. Take the approach I'm suggesting and you will become a happier, healthier, friendlier, better person.
Several years ago, I heard the statement that "every third person is either remarkably handsome and unusually bright, or amazingly beautiful and absolutely brilliant." I encourage you to make a mental note. The next two people you see, look them over real good. When you do, chances are excellent that you will come to the conclusion that it is neither one of them! That means it has to be you, if the formula is to hold true. When you think about it in these terms, I believe you will come to the conclusion that, yes, it does have to be you.
From this moment on, I encourage you to think of yourself as that "third person," and as that third person, I want to share with you some important considerations about yourself. Several billion people have walked this earth, but there never has been, nor will there ever be, a person exactly like you. Your uniqueness gives you real value.
Think about it like this: If man can take moldy bread and make penicillin out of it, think what an awesome God can make out of you. Listen to what St. Augustine said in 399 A.D. (and I paraphrase with this): Man travels hundreds of miles to gaze at the broad expanse of the ocean. He looks in awe at the heavens above. He stares in wonderment at the fields, the mountains, the rivers and the streams. And then he passes himself by without a thought -- God's most amazing creation. It is important that you think well, not egotistically, about yourself because the way you see yourself has a direct bearing on how you see and treat others. If you see yourself as happy, secure, self-sufficient and as a good friend, you'll attract happy, secure, self-sufficient, good friends.
To get along well with people requires an elimination of prejudice, which, in virtually every case, is circumstantial, based either on ignorance or never having had any real relationship with those of a different race or culture. This does not mean that I'm suggesting or even mildly hinting that you have to agree with everybody on everything. To do so would be to invite disaster in your life. But it does mean that you can disagree without being disagreeable. You can disagree and yet respect that person's right to believe as he or she believes. You can have a different opinion without denying the other person the right to have the opinion he or she has. When you adopt that attitude and take that approach, you will probably be amazed to discover on occasion that your friend's point of view was right and yours was wrong. That's a sobering thought.
When you take the right attitude toward another person, you not only avoid building a wall between the two of you, you also establish common ground and lay a solid foundation on which to build a relationship. It certainly is something to think about and something I have found to be very enlightening and beneficial.
I encourage you to replay the tapes of your life. Explore the number of times people who were "different" from you turned out to be really great people, who had opinions with which you disagreed but that turned out to be correct. Take the approach I'm suggesting and you will become a happier, healthier, friendlier, better person.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Don't be in a hurry
When I was reading through the June 2010 issue of the Ensign, I was struck by an article called "Don't Be In A Hurry". Here are some relevant excerpts:
The year 1845 was a busy one for Latter-day Saints in Nauvoo, Illinois. Still mourning the violent death of the Prophet Joseph Smith, the Saints continued their efforts to complete the Nauvoo Temple, spread the gospel, and gather believers even as conflict with critics and dissenters hastened plans for an exodus to the West. On a Sunday in August 1845, Brigham Young (1801–77) paused from the demands of leadership to record a dream he’d had the previous night. “I dreamed … I saw Brother Joseph Smith,” he wrote, “and as I was going about my business, he said, ‘Brother Brigham, don’t be in a hurry.’” President Young said Joseph repeated the counsel twice more with “a degree of sharpness”: Brother Brigham, don’t be in a hurry. Brother Brigham, don’t be in a hurry...
Missionaries honor Nephi’s injunction every morning, consecrating their day to the Lord in prayer and study. What about the rest of us? Decades after that dream of Joseph, Brigham Young asked a congregation in Utah if they had prayed that morning as families. Observing that many had not, he proposed an all-too-familiar reason: “I was in too much of a hurry.” Then President Young gave us wise counsel. “Stop! Wait!” he pleaded, “When you get up in the morning, before you suffer yourselves to eat one mouthful of food, … bow down before the Lord, ask Him to forgive your sins, and protect you through the day, to preserve you from temptation and all evil, to guide your steps aright, that you may do something that day that shall be beneficial to the kingdom of God on the earth.” That counsel will bless our lives as it reminds us each morning to kneel in prayer before we tackle the tasks ahead...
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin (1917–2008) of the Quorum of the Twelve observed how easily we fill our lives with “appointments, meetings, and tasks” and then act frightened at the prospect of some quiet time. Why would that be? He feared that we might “feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth.” On another occasion, he reminded us that “being busy is not necessarily being spiritual”—for in fact, noise and busyness can actually crowd out the still, small voice of the Spirit.
President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) prescribed a remedy for this fever of busyness: meditation, or pondering, or introspection. President Hinckley recalled that his father “never ceased growing” because he made time for “thinking, meditating, [and] pondering.” You may have to turn off your TV, computer, cell phone, or MP3 player, but it’s worth it. As Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, former Relief Society general president, put it: “Take time to slow down and ponder so that you can feel the Lord’s love for you...”
“There seems to be little evidence,” Elder Richard L. Evans (1906–71) of the Quorum of the Twelve once said, “that the Creator of the universe was ever in a hurry. Everywhere, on this bounteous and beautiful earth … there is evidence of patient purpose and planning and working and waiting...”
Perhaps all this was summarized in eight words by the Psalmist long ago: “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
In general, I'm in far too much of a hurry on a daily basis. I'm also in too much of a hurry to accomplish things that simply need time and patience to accomplish.
The year 1845 was a busy one for Latter-day Saints in Nauvoo, Illinois. Still mourning the violent death of the Prophet Joseph Smith, the Saints continued their efforts to complete the Nauvoo Temple, spread the gospel, and gather believers even as conflict with critics and dissenters hastened plans for an exodus to the West. On a Sunday in August 1845, Brigham Young (1801–77) paused from the demands of leadership to record a dream he’d had the previous night. “I dreamed … I saw Brother Joseph Smith,” he wrote, “and as I was going about my business, he said, ‘Brother Brigham, don’t be in a hurry.’” President Young said Joseph repeated the counsel twice more with “a degree of sharpness”: Brother Brigham, don’t be in a hurry. Brother Brigham, don’t be in a hurry...
Missionaries honor Nephi’s injunction every morning, consecrating their day to the Lord in prayer and study. What about the rest of us? Decades after that dream of Joseph, Brigham Young asked a congregation in Utah if they had prayed that morning as families. Observing that many had not, he proposed an all-too-familiar reason: “I was in too much of a hurry.” Then President Young gave us wise counsel. “Stop! Wait!” he pleaded, “When you get up in the morning, before you suffer yourselves to eat one mouthful of food, … bow down before the Lord, ask Him to forgive your sins, and protect you through the day, to preserve you from temptation and all evil, to guide your steps aright, that you may do something that day that shall be beneficial to the kingdom of God on the earth.” That counsel will bless our lives as it reminds us each morning to kneel in prayer before we tackle the tasks ahead...
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin (1917–2008) of the Quorum of the Twelve observed how easily we fill our lives with “appointments, meetings, and tasks” and then act frightened at the prospect of some quiet time. Why would that be? He feared that we might “feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth.” On another occasion, he reminded us that “being busy is not necessarily being spiritual”—for in fact, noise and busyness can actually crowd out the still, small voice of the Spirit.
President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) prescribed a remedy for this fever of busyness: meditation, or pondering, or introspection. President Hinckley recalled that his father “never ceased growing” because he made time for “thinking, meditating, [and] pondering.” You may have to turn off your TV, computer, cell phone, or MP3 player, but it’s worth it. As Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, former Relief Society general president, put it: “Take time to slow down and ponder so that you can feel the Lord’s love for you...”
“There seems to be little evidence,” Elder Richard L. Evans (1906–71) of the Quorum of the Twelve once said, “that the Creator of the universe was ever in a hurry. Everywhere, on this bounteous and beautiful earth … there is evidence of patient purpose and planning and working and waiting...”
Perhaps all this was summarized in eight words by the Psalmist long ago: “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
In general, I'm in far too much of a hurry on a daily basis. I'm also in too much of a hurry to accomplish things that simply need time and patience to accomplish.
Friday, June 18, 2010
That's my boy
Just got an interesting email from my son JD. He certainly doesn't lack in self-confidence although he needs to work on his spelling. =)
Subject: Don't look til fathers day!
Body: Hi dad,sorry the title is cindav silly. Just wanted to say Happy Fathers Day! I think your think your the 2nd best dad 1.me (future). I love you. JD
I'm sure JD will be a wonderful father in the future - much better than me I hope. Same goes for AJ.
Subject: Don't look til fathers day!
Body: Hi dad,sorry the title is cindav silly. Just wanted to say Happy Fathers Day! I think your think your the 2nd best dad 1.me (future). I love you. JD
I'm sure JD will be a wonderful father in the future - much better than me I hope. Same goes for AJ.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Who's Awesome?
Someone at work sent this image around as part of a larger message. Wanted to keep it for future reference. =)
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Two Horses
A friend sent this to me by email and I really liked it...
There is a place in the countryside with a field that has two horses in it.
From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse, but if you'll stop your car, or go walking by, you will notice something quite amazing....
Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner, however has chosen not to have him put down, and has made a good home for him.
This alone is amazing.
If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell. Then looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.
Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell. It lets the blind friend know exactly where the other horse is, so he can follow.
As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, completely trusting that he will not be led astray.
When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that his blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses, GOD does not throw us away just because we are not perfect, or because we have unique problems or challenges.
He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need..
Sometimes, we are like the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those whom God places in our lives.
Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way....
Good friends are like that... You may not always see them, but you know they are always there.
Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.
And remember... Be kinder than necessary, because
Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly......
Leave the rest to God
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Old Farmer Advice
A co-worker sent this to me recently. I especially like "If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'."
Old Farmer's Advice:
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don 't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
Old Farmer's Advice:
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don 't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Stopwatch application
The other day at work, we had to do a presentation in a fixed amount of time. As part of the practice sessions for the presentation, we used this stopwatch application. Posting it here in case I need it in the future or in case others are interested.
Family Night Notebook
When I was reading through the June 2009 issue of the Ensign, I pulled out this tip:
You're thumbing through a Church magazine and see a great lesson idea. But by Monday night you've either forgotten about it or can't find it without a lot of searching. It's a good thing there's an easy solution: sumply cut out or copy the article or picture and slip it into a binder or notebook kept specifically for lesson ideas. Using a few tab markers, you can easily organize a growing collection of lesson material by basic gospel topics.
Early in our marriage, my husband had an erratic work schedule that left him little time to prepare family home evening lessons. But with the binder, he could quickly select a topic he felt we needed to study. As a result, we enjoyed consistent lessons and established a good Monday-night habit. Now that our children are old enough to take turns leading family home evening, we still have plenty of lesson ideas in the binder if they choose to use it.
It's easy to update our lesson notebook whenever we read the Church magazines. We cut, copy, and save as we go so we are always prepared for family night.
Seems pretty easy. Perhaps we can get a binder going and make FHE a more regular thing in our house. (Note: the fact that it's not a regular thing is my fault ... need to work on that)
Friday, October 02, 2009
What have you done with your life?
I was just going through a stack of papers in my work bag and came across a church program from June 14, 2009. On it, I had jotted down a brief story that one of the speakers shared since I felt it offered an important perspective on life. I won't get it totally right here but you'll get the message. In her talk, the speaker told the story of a woman who had had a number of hardships in her life ("bad" parents, many challenges, etc). After she died, she went before Christ and He asked her "what have you done with your life?" She got really aggravated with the question and pointed to all the hardships and obstacles from her life. Then Christ clarified, "what have you done with your life with what you've been given?" And she understood.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)