Friday, July 04, 2008

Poor loser - suggestions?

My son JD is a really poor loser. It's starting to really concern me and I have no idea what to do about it. If he doesn't win a game, he pouts about it and insists we play again so he can win. Today, we went bowling with DE and JD complained the whole time that he didn't do the best - and then started to actively root against the rest of us (and celebrate when someone missed the pins). It's gotten to the point where I don't want to do activities with him since I don't want to deal with his attitude about it all. I suppose part of this is my own fault. When I've played games and sports with him in the past, I've intentionally kept things close and let him win. So now he probably expects to win all the time. Or perhaps JD has some of my perfectionist tendencies. I don't know. All I do know is that he's in for a lot of disappointment when he plays sports or does other activities with kids down the road. Hopefully it will work itself out over time. In the meantime, I'm totally open to suggestion.

Addendum (7/5/08): My mom pointed out to me that I was a poor loser myself when I was 7 or 8 with very similar behavior to what JD is exhibiting now (if not worse). She reminded me that kids who are good at certain things often assume they should therefore be good at everything. I guess the fruit doesn't fall too far from the tree. It's always hard to see our own imperfections mirrored back to us in our kids - at least it's hard (very hard) for me. It's one thing for me to have my own struggles but it makes me feel 100 times worse when I think I might be passing them on to my kids. Then again, they need struggles to grow and mature so I suppose it's serving some useful purpose (although, to be honest, that's only mildly comforting to me).

1 comment:

gnp said...

A comment from "ap". Simply changed my younger son's name to AJ and shortened the coach's name to Coach B.

The funny thing about his "sore loser" behavior is how inconsistent it is. Sometimes, with me and AJ or even with other kids, he does just fine with losing. He used to get upset every time he lost a board game - now that rarely happens. When he played soccer at Monta Loma with kids having a wide range of ages and skill levels, he did just fine. When he played soccer with Coach B after school, some days were a total disaster (sore loser) and some days he didn't seem at all phased by losing. So, what is hardest for me is just when I am letting my guard down and feeling like he is doing better with it, he'll have a complete meltdown and I'm not emotionally geared up to deal with it. I keep reading that Mia Hamm book to him which deals with this exact issue. I think what your mom said is really interesting. He probably will outgrow it and it probably is hard for him to not be good at something. It will be interesting to see how he does at AYSO. I'm prepping myself now for some tough days.