First Vision

Last Saturday (December 1), I visited the Oakland and Sacramento LDS temples (see prior post for rationale). The most significant outcome of those visits was gaining a personal testimony of Joseph Smith's First Vision and that Joseph Smith was a prophet. When I bore my testimony last Sunday in front of the congregation (see prior post for rationale), I mentioned that I had previously intellectually known (or at least didn't actively disbelieve) these things but now knew in my heart that they were true.

Many of you probably don't know what the "First Vision" is so let me attempt to give some brief background - more here. When Joseph Smith was 14 years old, he was trying to decide which Christian denomination to join. While reading the Bible, he came across James 1:5: "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him". Joseph decided to put this promise to the test. In the Joseph Smith History 1:12-13, it says:

12 Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion of the different sects understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.
13 At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James direct, that is, ask of God. I at length came to the determination to "ask of God," concluding that if he gave wisdom to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not upbraid, I might venture.

On a spring day in 1820, he prayed in a grove of trees to know which church was true. God the Father and Jesus Christ, "two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description," appeared and spoke with him. In the Joseph Smith History 1:17-19, it goes on to say:

17 One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other - This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!
18 My object in going to inquire of the Lord was to know which of all the sects was right, that I might know which to join. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of myself, so as to be able to speak, than I asked the Personages who stood above me in the light, which of all the sects was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong) - and which I should join.
19 I was answered that I must join none of them, for they were all wrong; and the Personage who addressed me said that all their creeds were an abomination in his sight; that those professors were all corrupt; that: "they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof."

So, basically, Joseph Smith is visited by God and Jesus Christ and told that he shouldn't join any of the churches of that day and that he should await further instructions from on high. This is a fantastic story and one that many people have a very hard time accepting. As I mentioned earlier, I didn't disbelieve that Joseph Smith had this First Vision or that he was a prophet of God, but I also didn't have a burning conviction that they were true either.

On Friday night, my brother-in-law DE came over and we watched a movie. After he left, I decided to pray that I would get something out of the temple visits the next day. As I did so, I had a visceral experience that I couldn't explain at the time. I had the feeling of pressure pushing down upon me but also an aura or force field around me as well. I also remember pleading with God to stay with me during this experience. After I was done praying, I remember thinking "that was an odd experience" but I didn't read into it any more than that.

The following day, I visited the Oakland temple in the morning. At the visitor center, they were showing the movie "Joseph Smith: Prophet of the Restoration". One of the missionaries had told me that I should definitely check it out if I had a chance. During the movie, they visually depicted the First Vision, including this part described in the Joseph Smith History 1:15-16:

15 After I had retired to the place where I had previously designed to go, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I kneeled down and began to offer up the desires of my heart to God. I had scarcely done so, when immediately I was seized by some power which entirely overcame me, and had such an astonishing influence over me as to bind my tongue so that I could not speak. Thick darkness gathered around me, and it seemed to me for a time as if I were doomed to sudden destruction.
16 But, exerting all my powers to call upon God to deliver me out of the power of this enemy which had seized upon me, and at the very moment when I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction - not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being - just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.

I didn't know about this dark initial part of the First Vision at the time so it took me by surprise when I saw it on screen. But I immediately connected with it, though, given my "odd experience" the night before. It was then and there that I knew in my heart that the First Vision took place as Joseph Smith had described and that he was a prophet of God. Honestly, this was the last thing I was expecting to get out of the day but I can't deny it either.

Shortly after the movie ended, I decided to offer a short prayer outside the temple with my sister-in-law HG. It was a chilly, windy, cloudy day. When we sat down and I began my prayer, the sun came out from behind the clouds and shone down on me and HG. I remember the warmth it brought and the intensity of the light through my eyelids. I actually paused at one point to soak it all in and then abruptly ended the prayer because any further thoughts exited my mind. I wouldn't go so far as to say that the Lord was showing favor for me in this moment. If anything, it reminded me of an experience about a week prior. My brother-in-law TR got laid off unexpectedly from his job just before Thanksgiving. I decided to fast that he might find a new job and that this experience might help him in his life someway. I decided to fast from 1pm on Wednesday, November 21 (the day before Thanksgiving) to 3pm on Thursday, November 22 (Thanksgiving day). I decided to skip dinner and breakfast since I had a business lunch already scheduled that Wednesday and it had been months in the making. I also didn't want to skip the Thanksgiving lunch/dinner that my brother-in-law DE was preparing. That Wednesday afternoon, I decided to start my fast with a prayer. I didn't want to do it at work so I went for a short walk. I got about 5 or 6 blocks from my office and found a quiet spot in an industrial complex. It was a bright California day and I remember the warmth and brightness of the sun as I prayed to begin my fast that it might help TR find a new position. TR hasn't found a new job yet but perhaps the later experience at the Oakland temple was God's way of telling me he had heard my prayer and that my fast would help TR in some small way. [Aside: I fasted on December 1 as part of the temple visits.]

That's everything for the Oakland temple. The Sacramento temple visit was much less eventful. HG and I drove 2 hours from the Oakland temple to the Sacramento temple and arrived around 2:30 or 3pm. It's a small temple and there is no visitor's center or anything like that. I had one suggestion for someone to speak with at the Sacramento temple but he wasn't available. So HG and I walked around the grounds - which aren't that big and I'd seen them before when I visited the open house for this temple last August (see prior post). HG had visited the open house as well and shared her observation that she had felt a noticeable difference between the Sacramento temple during the open house compared with other temples she had been in. Basically, her observation was that temples are just beautiful buildings until they are dedicated. I thought that was an interesting insight and one that I'll file away for future reflection.

I'm curious to see what the Washington, DC and Rexburg temples have in store for me. Just as I'm composing this part of the post, an email came in regarding my missionary work talk (see previous post). It says:

True to your comments on missionaries converting themselves, one of the times that I felt a true acceleration in my conversion was during my first Christmas on my mission. I cannot pinpoint the moment exactly, but I remember feeling completely overcome with a sudden understanding of why we (as a people) were celebrating: We have a Savior! I was filled with such joy and thankfulness at the thought of the Messiah. It seemed to sink deeper into my understanding, and for a time, I was truly overwhelmed with joy and relief. Then, it deepened further, and I was impressed with the sense of responsibility I had to share that understanding. It was a crowning moment for me to suddenly realize that I was a missionary preaching of Christ on Christmas. It felt so right.

It's not lost on me that I'll be visiting the DC temple right around Christmas. So, if I had to guess, I would say that visit may provide a deeper understanding of Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice. But I've been dead-wrong with my other predictions so I suspect I'll get something else out of the visit. I think the feeling of surprise is part of what drives home for me that the messages I'm taking away from these experiences are genuine and not a result of "wish fulfillment" or "delusion". God knows how my mind works and is tailoring his message so I can recognize and accept it.

There are some additional implications of my "First Vision" experience but it's late so I'll save them for another post. As DE says, good night and good luck.