Semantics

I've commented a number of times in this blog regarding pride. There was a set of articles in InTouch magazine regarding the importance of humility (articles here). Probably the most interesting passage from one of the articles is1 Peter 5:6-7:

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Now there is a lot of richness in the English language for a reason and the words "pride" and "proud" can mean a number of things. So I think it's helpful to be as precise as possible regarding what I think my issue is. The Random House Dictionary defines "pride" and "proud" as:

Pride: 1. too high an opinion of one's importance or superiority; 2. dignified self-respect; 3. gratification arising from one's accomplishments or possessions; 4. arrogant behavior; 5. something that a person is proud of; 6. a company of lions

Proud: 1. thinking well of oneself becuase of one's accomplishments, possessions, etc; 2. feeling honored, as by a distinction conferred on one; 3. governed in one's words or actions by self-respect; 4. inclined to excessive self-esteem; 5. promoting a feeling of pride; 6. stately or majestic [syn. 1. self-satisfied; 4. haughty, overbearing, vain]


While we have the dictionary out, let's look up some more words that may be relevant to this discussion (in alphabetical order) ...

Arrogant: 2. making unwarrantable claims to superior importance; 2. haughty or overbearing

Conceit: 1. an exaggerated estimate of one's own ability, importance, etc [syn. 1. egotism, self-esteem, vanity]

Condescend: 1. to lower oneself to do something; 2. to behave as if one is conscious of descending from a superior position

Confidence: 1. full trust; 2. self-reliance, assurance, or boldness; 3. a confidential communication

Dignity: 1. formal, grave, or noble bearing, conduct, or speech; 2. nobility or elevation of character; 3. elevated rank, office, station, etc.

Egocentric: regarding the self as the center of all worldly things

Egoism: 1. the habit of valuing everything only in reference to one's personal interest; 2. conceit or self-esteem

Egotism: 1. excessive and objectionable reference to oneself, in conversation or writing; 2. self-conceit or boastfulness

Egotrip: an act undertaken primarily to satisfy one's vanity or self-image

Pompous: 1. making an ostentatious display of dignity or importance; 2. ostentatiously lofty or high-flown

Self-important: having or showing too high an opinion of one's own worth

Self-respect: proper esteem for the dignity of one's own character

Self-righeous: smugly confident of one's own righteousness

Smug: contentedly confident of one's ability or correctness [syn. complacent, conceited, self-satisfied]

Superior: 1. above the average in excellence or intelligence; 2. of higher grade or quality; 3. greater in quantity or amount; 4. higher in rank or position; 5. showing a consciousness of superiority to others; 6. not yielding or susceptiable: to be superior to temptation

Vain: 1. excessively proud or concerned about one's own appearance or achievements; 2. unsuccessful or futile; 3. without real value or worth


That's quite a list of words - most of which I don't think apply. So, let's be precise. I think my issue is primarily feeling superior and secondarily being egocentric. In the first InTouch article, it says that some people "give the appearance of humility through [their] outward actions while inwardly harboring thoughts of spiritual superiority toward others." That's my issue precisely - acting humble on the outside but feeling superior to others on the inside. That's then combined with egocentrism in that I feel like I'm the only one grappling with certain issues - or at least grappling with them at a certain level or in the "right" way. Combine these two things and it's no surprise why I'm reluctant to ask for help or to pray. On some level, I feel like I'm above it all (even assistance from God). This is all changing a bit but it's going to be a long, long road.