Ten commandments of Dad

Men's Health magazine had an interesting article called "The 10 Commandments of Dad". Out of the ten commandments listed, the ones I liked the best were:

X. This is Their Life, Not a Second Chance at Yours
I can’t say it any better than one of the most eminent psychiatrists of our time, Bruno Bettelheim: "We become upset when we believe we see in a child aspects of our own personalities of which we disapprove." Bang! On the money! It’s tempting to make good on your own shortcomings through your children. Just because you didn’t make the varsity at North Salem High that doesn’t mean Stan Jr. has to. Help them follow their own path, not your road-not-taken.

XI . Love Their Mother
One extra commandment. Hug Mom. Often. In front of the kids. Sure, sometimes marriages end, but the obligation to a woman doesn’t. Be grateful to her. Speak to her with respect. Try to make her laugh. Listen. You can figure out how to love her.

The other quote in the article I really liked was "F. Scott Fitzgerald said the sign of a first-rate mind was the ability to have two opposite opinions at the same time". Being a Dad is complicated business and there are a lot of mixed messages out there.

Thank you HG

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I really value all of the love and support that each of you provide to me (and my family). It means a great deal to me and I don't take it for granted. I hesitate to call out one person more than others. It's almost like saying you love one of your kids more than the other - which certainy isn't true. But I do want to publicly acknowledge the huge amount of support that my sister-in-law HG provides to my family week in and week out. This ranges from helping out my wife with the kids each Sunday at church to babysitting once a week so my wife and I can get out together to pointing me to entries in the Bible to better understand the concept of free will. JD and AJ look forward to seeing HG each week and they are happier people given her presence in their lives. I know I am definitely a better person because of HG. Over the years, she has listened when I needed someone to listen and has supported me when I needed support. HG is a wonderful person and we all love her very much. Honestly, I think of her more as a sister than a sister-in-law. Thank you, HG, with all my heart.

Got the A

I checked my grade last night for my online religion course. I got an A. I actually got 253 points out of a possible 250. The only thing I didn't get the highest possible score on (or higher) was the Judiasm Part 2 reflection that I got 8/10 on. I have to admit, I was genuinely excited when I saw my score on the final paper/exam and my score/grade for the class. But, the more interesting question is why? I don't need this class credit for anything. No one will ever see my transcript for this class. And most people will never know I even took it. So why would I care about the grade at all? Isn't my newfound knowledge of the world's religions sufficient reward for taking this class? Isn't it enough to know that I did a good job without needing a grade to prove it?

Part of the answer is that there was a time when my grades really did matter - and it's hard to turn off that instinct now. As I put it in an earlier post, I am a "recovering perfectionist". In a larger context, however, when I was younger, I constantly sought the approval of others - particularly my father. There's still a part of me that does that today. I want the gold star and the pat on the back. I want someone else to tell me that I'm good even I already know it. That's not entirely a bad thing but it's probably more bad than good. In the language of a self-assessment course I took at HBS, I need to continue to move from being "other-directed" to being "self-directed". I've made some solid progress in this area - especially since high school - but the process continues.

When I'm gone

After reading my last post, my brother-in-law ELSALSERO asked me how I wanted people to remember me. In his case, he said that he hopes that people will remember him as a nice person who was never too busy for a conversation, and always genuinely interested in that person's well being. In my case, I hope people will remember me as someone who lived his beliefs, could be counted on when it counted, and left things better than he found them. The first part - living my beliefs - is especially important to me. When my kids were born, I decided that I wanted to be a good role model to them. In my mind, that couldn't be "do as I say, not as I do". Therefore, if I think something is important for my kids to do, I need to make an honest attempt to do those things myself and lead by example. For instance, I hope that JD and AJ will have work/life balance, be healthy and fit, have a relationship with God, and be genuinely happy. A couple of years ago, I couldn't claim to have any of those things in my life. I'm still not there 100% - and may never be - but I continue to strive for improvement each day. I owe that to my kids and I owe that to myself. As Charles Swindoll, the American writer and clergyman, put it, "each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children."

Tuesdays with Morrie

I read Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom last night and this morning. Mitch Albom also wrote the five people you meet in heaven (see this post). If you haven't checked out this book, I would definitely recommend it. It's a quick read and Morrie is a very endearing and inspirational real-life character. Morrie is diagnosed from ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) - a terrible ailment with no known cure - but rather than feel sorry for himself or withdraw from the world, he decides to embrace the remaining time he has and turn it into a laboratory on death (and life). As Morrie puts it, "once you learn how to die, you learn how to live".

There are a number of good lessons in this book but what I most took away from it is the joy for life and the love of others that Morrie possessed (and I do not). During his final months, Morrie was interviewed three times by Ted Koppel (for the show "Nightline"). In the final interview, he said: "For me, Ted, living means I can be responsive to the other person. It means I can show my emotions and my feelings. Talk to them. Feel with them ... When that is gone, Morrie is gone." Later, when asked whether he had anything to say to the nationwide audience, he said "be compassionate and take responsibility for each other. If we only learned those lessons, this world would be so much better a place ... love each other or die."

Another key thing I took away from Morrie was the importance and power of being fully present. Here's one good excerpt on this topic:

I came to love the way Morrie lit up when I entered the room. He did this for many people, I know but it was his special talent to make each visitor feel that the smile was unique.

"Ahhh, it's my buddy," he would say when he saw me, in that foggy, high-pitched voice. And it didn't stop with the greeting. When Morrie was with you, he was really with you. He looked you straight in the eye, and he listened as if you were the only person in the world. How much better would people get along if their first encounter each day were like this - instead of a grumlbe from a waitress or a bus driver or a boss?

"I believe in being fully present," Morrie said. "That means you should be with the person you're with. When I'm talking to you now, Mitch, I try to keep focused only on what is going on between us. I am not thinking about something we said last week. I am not thinking about doing another Koppel show, or about what medications I'm taking.

"I am talking to you. I am thinking about you."

Being more present, especially with my wife and children, is probably one of my top goals at the moment. Honestly, right now, I'd probably give myself a D in this area. I'm not completely failing but my performance is only barely one notch above that. I can't help but think about everything else going on in my life and everything else I "need" to do. Rather than be in the moment, I'm trying to think a couple of steps ahead. I'm cheating myself and those around me.

The last thing I'll say about this book is that I hope, in my own way, I am able to be a teacher and mentor like Morrie. Morrie wanted his tombstone to read "A Teacher to the Last". How appropriate. I wonder what I'd want my tombstone to say. I wonder how I'll want others to remember me when I'm gone. I wonder who will show up at my funeral and what they will say.

The economic value of a happy marriage

An article called "Happiness Inc." in the March 18-19, 2006 issue of the Wall Street Journal caught my eye - but I only just now read it. The most interesting portion of the article was research that David Blanchflower, a Dartmouth College economics professor, is doing to put a price on happiness. Blanchflower has "analyzed survey data covering tens of thousands of people in 35 nations, and cross-referenced the results with various economic data such as workers' wages and people's standard of living. He then sought to put a dollar figure on the value of a healthy, stable relationship. One study that he co-authored found that if you're single or in a miserable marriage, you'd need to earn $100,000 more each year to be as happy as a happily married person. His research also showed that if you have sex just once a month, you'd need to earn $50,000 more a year to be as happy as someone having sex once a week with a monogamous partner." Fascinating stuff. So, after eight and a half years of marriage, I'm already a millionaire!

Opening the Bible

I just finished reading Opening the Bible by Thomas Merton. I told my philosophy instructor that I was planning to read the Bible and he suggested that I check out this book. It was a fairly quick read, only 94 pages. I have to admit, though, that a lot of the material went a little over my head. But there was still plenty I got out of it. Probably the most important thing was remembering that you're only going to get as much out of reading the Bible as you put into it. Merton quotes Karl Barth as saying: "The Bible gives to every man and to every era such answers to their questions as they deserve. We shall always find in it as much as we seek and no more ... nothing whatever if it is nothing whatever that we seek." The other important message I took away was that if you approach the Bible with a particular agenda or set of biases, you'll inevitably find portions of the Bible that will confirm those biases - and you'll probably also ignore any passages that contradict your biases. Therefore, we need to approach the Bible with an open mind and be prepared for it to challenge our beliefs. As Robert Stone's introduction says, "the Bible demands the reader's personal involvement. Because such involvement lays one open to unforseen conclusions, our tendency is to avoid the arguments which lie within its pages altogether, particularly when we have predetermined what the Bible will say to us!"

Merton also reminds readers that it is important to not blindly accept everything the Bible says. Again, reading this book requires our personal involvement and that requires us to question whether (and why) we truly believe in what we're reading. As he puts it, "the basic claim made by the Bible for the word of God is not so much that it is to be blindly accepted because of God's authority, but that it is recognized by its transforming and liberating power. The 'word of God' is recognized in actual experience because it does something to anyone who really 'hears' it: it transforms his entire existence." Later, Merton says "that becoming involved in the Bible does not mean simply taking everything it says without the slightest murmur of difficulty. It means at once being willing to argue and fight back, provided that if we are clearly wrong we will finally admit it. The Bible prefers honest disagreement to a dishonest submission."

The last thing that's important to remember is that the Bible raises more questions than it answers. As Merton points out, "the Bible raises the question of identity in a way no other book does ... When you ask: 'What is this book?' you find that you are also implicitly being asked: 'Who is this that reads it?' ... One's questions are answered not by clear, definitive answers, but by more pertinent and more crucial questions ... If we approach it with speculative questions, we are apt to find that it confronts us in turn with brutally practical questions. If we ask it for information about the meaning of life, it answers by asking us when we intend to start living?"

27 cents to make things right

There is a grocery store down the street from where we live. AJ wanted to get out of the house last night after dinner so I took him and his older brother to the store. While we were there, we decided to buy an orange and some bananas. JD had the stuff in a basket but I gave one of the bananas to AJ to hold. After checking out and getting part of the way home, I discovered that we forgot to pay for the banana AJ was holding. Faced with the decision of returning to the store to pay for (or return) the extra banana or continue to head home, I chose the latter. It was getting late and it was an innocent mistake. We didn't intentionally shoplift the banana.

This whole incident left me uneasy. Is there a difference between stealing a banana and embezzling money from a company? Does it make a difference if you did it intentionally or if it was an accident? Does the size / value of the item make a difference? After the fact, how do you make things right? You can be very black and white about these things or you can say that practicality calls for shades of grey. I don’t think there is a single right answer on this topic. The thing that I worry about, at least for myself, is getting into a habit of doing the “right” thing. It’s convenient when the “right” thing is also the “easy” thing. The real challenge is when it’s not. I worry that if I’m relativistic about small things, I’ll be the same way about large things.

In this particular case, I decided to go back to the store this morning and pay for the banana. The cashier was thoroughly confused about what I was doing. She couldn’t figure out why I was buying a banana but didn’t actually want to take it. And my wife pointed out that I probably caused the store to take a lose on the whole thing – given the need to restock the banana, etc. But choosing to stop at the store on my way to work and handing over the 27 cents made me feel better. It took all this off my mind. So, I guess it was worth it.

the five people you meet in heaven

I just finished reading the five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom. I really enjoyed it. It was a very fast read (I read the whole book last night and this morning) and I found it fascinating how the lives of the characters weaved together in unexpected ways. If you liked the movies A Christmas Carol or It's a Wonderful Life, you would enjoy this book. I don't want to give too much away about the story but here's what it says on the inner cover:

Eddie is a grizzled war veteran who feels trapped in a meaningless life of fixing rides at a seaside amusement park. Then, on his 83rd birthday, Eddie dies in a tragic accident trying to save a little girl from a falling cart. With his final breath, he feels two small hands in his - and then nothing. He awakens in the afterlife, where he learns that heaven is not a lush Garden of Eden, but a place where your earthly life is explained to you by five people who were in it. These people may have been loved ones or distant strangers. Yet each of them changed your path forever. One by one, Eddie's five people illuminate the unseen connections of his earthly life.

I've definitely wondered before how the world (and the lives of people in it) would be different if I had never been born. I wonder what impact (if any) I've had on people. Sometimes it's obvious but often it's not. I wonder who the five people I'd meet in heaven would be and what they would tell me. I also wonder why we don't tell each other these things during our time on Earth. As people touch our lives in large and small ways, why don't we take the time to tell them the difference they've made in our lives? Perhaps we take their presence for granted. Perhaps we're too busy and assume we'll have plenty of time to thank them later. But life is unpredictable. We might lose that opportunity. So we have to seize it each day, each moment someone touches our life for the better.

The unexamined life is not worth living

The second portion of my final exam was to write a one-page essay discussing my understanding of why Socrates said that "the unexamined life is not worth living." Here's what I wrote for that.

People gain a deeper appreciation and awareness of life through struggle. We appreciate things for which we must struggle more than things that are simply given to us. And our struggles create a greater awareness of others’ struggles and an affinity towards our common man. Struggle is not pleasant but it is necessary. Without it, we cannot develop as people.

This raises two profound questions that each of us must answer for ourselves:

1. In our finite time on this Earth, what in our lives is worth struggling for?


2. What will our attitude be during that struggle?

The answer to the former question defines who we are and what gives our life meaning while the latter determines our happiness on a day-to-day basis. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once wrote, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." There are plenty of people in this world who are eager to tell us where we should stand during times of challenge and controversy – politicians, activists, theologians, family members, the media, advertising, our peers, etc. Without examining our lives and values, we are highly susceptible to undue influence from others. We take on challenges that are important to them, not to us.

This can manifest itself in subtle ways. For example, in the workplace, we may lament the long hours we work and the fact that it takes us away from our families. We may do it to impress the boss and “get ahead”. We must remember, however, that other people (particular those in authority) may not share our values or priorities and don’t have a true stake in our lives. They may try to impose expectations, demands, or activities on us which we then feel obligated to meet. The only defense against these impositions is a clear understanding of own goals and values, a conviction to achieve them, and a willingness to accept the consequences of those actions (by those who do not share our values).

Our perspective and attitude will then influence our capacity to be happy with our priorities – to emphasize what is there instead of what is lacking. As Charles Swindoll, an American writer and clergyman, put it:

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.

As before, there are plenty of people who will tell us how we should react to or feel about the challenges that life presents. We may feel helpless against the forces acting upon us. But, through it all, the thing we can maintain complete control over is our attitude. We can choose how we will react to each situation that presents itself. We may seize control of this power or we may abdicate it to others. That is also our choice – and we will make it largely determined by our understanding of ourselves and whether we are at peace with who we are.

Mosque visit

For the final exam for my religion course, we were supposed to visit a religious center different from our own tradition. I chose to visit a Muslim mosque. Here is my visit report (final paper).

On Wednesday, March 15, 2006, I visited the Islamic Society of San Francisco (ISSF). The visit was coordinated through Sevim Kalyoncu, ISSF’s community liaison, and lasted approximately one hour. From that time, I took away a greater appreciation for both Islam and the fact that we are all more similar that we know.

Choice of Venue

Prior to taking this course, I knew very little about Islam. What little I knew came from the media and depictions of terrorists after the September 11th attacks. My father had also told me a little bit about the religious violence in India between Muslims and Hindus in the late 1940s when the British gave India its freedom and created the Republic of Pakistan. That violence deeply affected my father’s childhood – making it impossible for him to see his father for extended periods of time and making it very difficult for my grandfather to send money home to my father and the rest of the family. Given these tidbits of information, my impressions of Islam were neutral to negative – but they weren’t based on any true understanding of the religion, just the actions of those who claim to adhere to it. With the growing tensions in the Middle East and the rapid growth of Islam throughout the world, I felt it was important to gain first-hand knowledge of this wisdom tradition. Also, unlike Judaism, Christianity, or Hinduism, I didn’t think I would take the opportunity later in life to learn more about Islam. So, in some sense, this was my only chance to really explore this faith.

In terms of my choice of Muslim mosque, I performed a Google search for mosques in the Bay Area. A couple of options came back. The thing that attracted me to ISSF was their community page. In addition to open houses and presentations on Islam, ISSF also offers mosque tours. Specifically, ISSF is “always pleased to open the doors of our mosque Masjid Darassalam to anyone who is interested. We've hosted individuals, students, and groups from churches and labor organizations. Typically, we’ll open with a brief presentation about Islam followed by Q&A, observation of the prayer (and Sermon if it's on a Friday) and close with a tour of the facilities.” During my visit, I discovered that middle school classes, for example, have visited this mosque for the Friday sermon.

Regarding my choice of service, I decided to observe the noon (12:20pm) prayer on Wednesday rather than the Friday sermon because it would give me more time to interact with members of the mosque. As Sevim put it in our initial email communication, “the daily prayers are relatively brief, with only a small group of people participating, but they would allow us ample time to talk in addition to observing the prayer. On Fridays the mosque is much more crowded, with people attending the one prayer (and service) for which they are required to come to the mosque. It may be harder to talk at that time, but you will have the opportunity to listen to the weekly sermon.” Growing up, I knew plenty of Jews and Christians. But I never knew any Muslims. So I picked the service that would enable me to actually meet someone from this faith and get to know them a little on a personal level. It’s obviously only a single data point but that’s a good start when you don’t have any.

As I mentioned, everything I know about Islam I learned in this course. From the readings and lectures, I knew about the Five Pillars of Islam: the confession of faith, prayer five times a day, giving of alms to the poor, fasting in the month of Ramadan, and the hajj or pilgrimage to Mecca. I also knew that:

Islam is a monotheistic faith that believes surrendering to the will of God is the greatest human task. “The very heart of Islam is submission to the total will of Allah, or God. (Allah is not the name of a god, but simply means “The God” – the one and only God.) God’s will for humanity, Muslims believe, was most fully given in the Qur’an, the book revealed through the prophet Muhammad. The word Islam means “submission,” and the name tells us that the central idea of this faith is simply full and complete submission to the will of God. An adherent of the faith is called a Muslim, one who has made the submission”

Regarding the mosque and prayer, the lecture taught me that:

The Mosque, the Muslim place of prayer and worship, has a distinct Arab feel to it. Most of us would recognize a Mosque because it has such distinct characteristics. “Few would mistake a mosque for a church, synagogue, or Hindu temple. The mosque, a place of prayer to the infinite Lord, has no picture, image, altar, flowers, or candles – only a vast, clean, cool, austerely beautiful empty space”. The floor surface will often be covered in Persian rugs. There are no pews. Muslims do not believe that one should make images of Allah and so there are no pictures …

Prayers begin with a ritual washing. All mosques contain fountains and running water for this purpose. “Before prayers, one must be in a state of purification. This is attained by formal washing.” But this washing is again a symbol of the deeper purification that is sought. A Muslim tries to let go of the stresses and worries of the moment, clear his or her head, and focus on Allah. This is the real purification and spiritual discipline required by regular prayer. “Several further conditions should be met, if possible, out of respect for this sacred action. One should pray in a clean place free of defilement. For this reason, many Muslims use special small carpets, prayer rugs, which they spread over the place of prayer. One must be modestly dressed. Before beginning, one must articulate in one’s mind the intention to say the right prayers. Finally, one must pray facing in the direction of Mecca” …

“The prayers may be said individually wherever one is, but Muslims have always preferred to say them congregationally whenever possible.” … It should be noted that prayers in Islam are quite physical as people move, bow, and place their foreheads on the ground in front of them in a number of stylized movements. People familiar with a Roman Catholic service where there is sitting, standing, and kneeling will be more comfortable with this style of prayer.

Smith, in The World's Religions, supplemented this understanding of the prayer by saying:

Washing, to purify the body and symbolically the soul, precedes the prayer, which begins in dignified, upright posture but climaxes when the supplicant has sunk to his or her knees with forehead touching the floor. This is the prayer’s holiest moment, for it carries a twofold symbolism. On the one hand, the body is in a fetal position, ready to be reborn. At the same time, it is crouched in the smallest possible space, signifying human nothingness in the face of the divine.

As for prayer’s content, its standard themes are praise, gratitude, and supplication. There is a Muslim saying that every time a bird drinks a drop of water it lifts its eyes in gratitude toward heaven. At least five times each day, Muslims do likewise.

Regarding the location itself, ISSF is located at 20 Jones Street in San Francisco. This is part of the Tenderloin district and Sevim warned me that there would be a number of homeless people hanging out outside the mosque.

The Visit Itself

I arrived at ISSF just before noon. I knew that ISSF was located in the middle of the Tenderloin but, for some reason, I wasn’t expecting such an urban exterior to the mosque. The building seemed more like a warehouse or set of commercial offices than a mosque. I later learned from Sevim that the space was donated to ISSF and they are working within the constraints of what has been generously given to them.


The other thing that I wasn’t expecting was the palpable contrast between a place of worship and its immediate surroundings. While putting money into the parking meter across the street from ISSF, I was hounded by a street peddler to purchase an adult DVD for $10. Also, while it’s hard to see in the photo above, the Market Street Cinema (along with other adult venues) are located less than half a block down the street from ISSF.

Once I entered the building, I went up two flights of stairs to the third floor. The first floor is simply a lobby (with only a bulletin board) and the second floor will be a community center and conference area (but it is still under construction). The third floor contained the mosque itself. When I first arrived, there were only two other people there. Both of them greeted me by saying “Assalamu Alilkum”. Unfortunately, I did not know how to respond and this made me self-conscious – less out of lack of knowledge and more for fear of not showing the proper respect and courtesy in their house of worship. Complicating matters was the fact that one of the two men did not speak English so I could not inquire as to the proper response. The second man immediately went into his prayers.

I met up with Sevim fairly soon after. The mosque was essentially one huge room but Sevim gave me the “tour” nonetheless. She explained that people typically wash their hands and feet before the prayer. It was not required but I decided to go into the bathroom area to wash like the other men. There were a row of faucets about waist-high and a series of marble cubes that people could sit on to wash. Outside the bathrooms, there was a large set of shelves upon which people could place their socks and shoes. The shelves also contained flip-flops and sandals that could be used while in the bathroom area.

After washing, Sevim and I took a seat in the women’s portion of the worship area (the back). The worship area was very plain, just a large empty room that could hold about 200-400 people in my estimation. The walls were plain white and there were no Persian rugs on the ground, just red and green carpet. Sevim said that as ISSF raises money for renovations, they may make slight improvements to the space. Since it was a Wednesday, only about 30-40 people arrived for the noon prayer – all of whom were men (including one young boy). Sevim said that the Friday prayer and sermon are much more crowded and also attract a number of women. The mosque itself is neither Sunni nor Shi’a per say, but the prayer times and style are Sunni. The mosque attracts local residents and also Muslims who work in San Francisco. Many of the local residents are Sudanese or Middle Eastern. Many are recent immigrants to the United States with English as a second language. At the particular prayer I attended, there was a reasonable cross-section of ages, although there were more people over 40 than under. It also seemed like a diverse set of economic classes were represented, from men in suits to men in jeans.

There was something incredibly familiar and comfortable about Sevim. I wasn’t expecting her to be white. Sevim also bore a physical resemblance to my sister-in-law SG (in SLC) and she grew up in the same general area as I did outside of Washington DC. All of this made me think two things. First, regardless of our religious differences, we are all more similar than we think. In fact, we could be part of a single extended family. Second, sensing my reservations about Islam, God (Allah) sent me a messenger who would be easy for me to receive. I am not sure whether God was encouraging me to become Muslim or simply to be accepting of others’ faith, but I feel that God played an active role in my visit to the mosque – and this I honestly did not expect. In fact, it made me feel a little uncomfortable, as if the bar had been raised on my visit beyond simply a classroom assignment.

In terms of the prayer itself, it went mostly as I expected (based on the lecture and reading). The Imam called the faithful to prayer at 12:20pm. The men present formed two lines at the front of the worship area shoulder-to-shoulder. There was a little time for personal prayer before the Imam led the group through certain verses from the Qur’an. As described in the lecture, there were a number of stylized movements including bowing and placing the forehead on the ground. Sevim mentioned to me that when she was a child she did not understand the importance of these movements. It was only once she began taking yoga classes that she truly came to accept them. Just as there is a mind-body connection in yoga, Muslims submit to Allah with both their minds and bodies during prayer.

As I observed the prayer, I was struck by two things: the rhythmic (almost musical) nature of Arabic and the communal feel of the worship. Regarding Arabic, Sevim said that she has known people who have been brought to tears by the beauty of the language, especially as verses from the Qur’an are recited. Regarding the communal feel, it made me appreciate the importance of sharing one’s faith with others. If I were Muslim, I would likely feel awkward or self-conscious performing the required movements if I were doing them on my own. But, in a group setting, I would feel awkward if I weren’t doing them with everyone else. The community gives you comfort to do something that might otherwise be uncomfortable. The other thing I took away from the prayer is elaborate services are not required to show our faith in God. The prayer itself lasted only about fifteen minutes. Furthermore, the surroundings and proceedings were incredibly modest. All we need to do is open our hearts to God’s presence.

Crystal ball

I'm incredibly curious to see where all of this leads me. I've always felt that I was destined to do something special, something great. I just wish I knew what that something is - or if it's all a delusion. Hopefully my 15 minutes of fame haven't already passed me by without me realizing. And hopefully I will be ready when the time comes. In the meantime, I'm in training - fortifying my character, deepening my skills, building my support network. I can't leave my chance at greatness to chance.

In an email exchange with SG, I was just telling her that I'd love to have a crystal ball and be able to fast-forward a couple of years into the future. But it's probably for the best that I can't. If things end badly, it would be depressing to know that now. And if things end well (or somewhere in between), it would take all the fun out of the journey. It's ironic, though, to have those words come out of my mouth. I've always been 99% into the destination and 1% into the journey. Greg Anderson, for example, said "focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it." I've always thought that type of idea was a bunch of crap. I've been laser-focused on getting things done and moving on to the next task to the exclusion, quite honestly, of savoring either the journey or the destination. Right before arriving at the destination, I'd chart a course to a new destination and set my sights on that new end-point. There was no time to enjoy what I had or was about to accomplish because the end-goal was always shifted out a little farther ... just out of reach.

Hopefully I won't do that here. It's always possible to learn more about yourself or to become a better person. Hopefully I'll savor my small victories along the way instead of constantly wondering what's just over the horizon.

The Star and Crescent

I'm a member of the Kappa Sigma Fraternity. Our badge (membership pin) is referred to as the Star and Crescent. By chance (looking at the back of a Kappa Sigma desk calendar), I was reminded of our ideals. Specifically:

The Star and Crescent shall not be worn by every man, but only by him who is worthy to wear it. He must be a gentleman ... a man of honor and courage ... a man of zeal, yet humble ... an intelligent man ... a man of truth ... one who tempers action with wisdom and, above all else, one who walks in the light of God.

I can't think of a more succinct statement of the type of man I'm trying to become.

Having it all ... and making it work

About a year and a half ago, I did a presentation at work on work-life balance (download here). When I worked in our marketing department, we had a program called the "Marketing Learning Program" in which each person if the group would pick a book and present it to the rest of the group - kind of like a book club but only one person read the book. I chose the book Having It All ... And Making It Work. For any of you who have struggled with work-life balance, I would highly recommend this book. It's a fast read and quite helpful. The basic premise of the book is that everything comes with a price - even achieving balance. We need to decide what is most important to us and focus on those things - and be willing to accept the consequences of dropping or ignoring other things. The authors caution that lower-level matters may masquerade as first-tier priorities, but we can tell what matters most when you have to let go of something. Also, the key to having work-life balance isn’t to become good or wise at making tradeoffs, but rather to minimize the number of tradeoffs we make. A tradeoff is always a win-lose situation because it occurs between those things we want most. Many of our balancing decisions are actually between something we want more (a first-tier item) and something else that we want less (a second-tier item); this is not a tradeoff.

The other thing I found really helpful - and practical - about this book is that it acknowledges the importance of the work side of work-life balance. Many books on this topic make it seem that family should be such a priority in our lives that we are willing to sacrifice all else. The practical reality is that professional/work life and personal/family life offer different rewards and different forms of fulfillment. Therefore, it's just as dangerous to focus on family to the exclusion of work as it is to focus on work to the exclusion of family. The key (obviously) is balance.

The last thing I'll say about this book is that a lot of what they talk about may sound like common sense, but it’s not common practice. Therefore, I'd strongly recommend that you read the book (or my preso) with an open mind and a determination to actually apply what you learn.

I'm so hungry

While reading about Islam and Ramadan in my religion course, I thought it would be helpful for me to fast sometime. In the case of Ramadan, Muslims do not eat or drink between daybreak and dark for a full lunar month (roughly 28 days). I mentioned to my wife that I was thinking about fasting for a month at some point and she suggested (in the nicest way possible) that maybe I was setting my sights too high and should start off with a single day (or week) rather than a full month. Perhaps it was due to the fact that I stepped on the scale this morning and didn't like the results, but I decided that I'd try to fast today.

I'm not sure if this is normal or if God is making this harder for dramatic effect, but I am really hungry - and it's only 2:20pm. This reminded me of the lecture on this topic in which the instructor said:

I don’t know how many of you have ever tried to fast, but if you have you know that it can be quite difficult. As a result one can become kind of focused on the hunger or thirst to the exclusion of all else. This is natural, but it can also lead to missing the whole point if you don’t try to do something about it. Ultimately fasting is to help us spiritually. It is not simply a physical thing. Muslims are not fasting to lose weight even though that might be a nice side benefit. Fasting is a reminder of our spiritual hunger for union with God. If we let our physical hunger remind us of our spiritual hunger and let that reminder turn our hearts to prayer then we are beginning to gain the benefits intended.

I haven't necessarily turned my heart to prayer yet, but I am definitely reminded of my spiritual hunger. I'm also hoping this (and subsequent fastings) will make me more charitable. As Smith puts it in The World's Religions, "people who have fasted for twenty-nine days within the year will be apt to listen more carefully when next approached by someone who is hungry."

All endings are also beginnings

My philosophy class came to an end today. I still need to write my final paper but the "classroom" portion of the online course ended with my reflection on the final reading/lecture. I’m sad to see this class come to an end. But, as Mitch Albom says in the opening to his book the five people you meet in heaven, "all endings are also beginnings". I’ve learned a lot about myself in this class but the learning must continue. This is not the end, it is only the beginning.

Not surprisingly, the final reading/lecture focused on whether there are common themes or wisdom that we can take away from the world religions. One metaphor is to an underground river. Each religion digs a well down to the river to have access to the water. The water is the same but the wells are different. This raises the obvious question of what constitutes this river that feeds each of the wells we drink from. In The World's Religions, Smith says:

Things are more integrated than they seem, they are better than they seem, and they are more mysterious than they seem; something like this emerges as the highest common denominator of the wisdom traditions’ reports. When we add to this the baseline they establish for ethical behavior [e.g., Ten Commandments] and their account of the human virtues [humility, charity, and veracity], one wonders if a wiser platform for life has been conceived.

In the lecture, Ken Wilber's Perennial Philosophy is presented, including seven "profound truths" that underly all religion (see The Essential Ken Wilber: An Introductory Reader).

• One, Spirit exists.


• Two, Spirit is found within.


• Three, most of us don’t realize this Spirit within, however, because we are living in a world of sin, separation, and duality – that is, we are living in a fallen or illusory state.


• Four, there is a way out of this fallen state of sin and illusion; there is a Path to our liberation.


• Five, if we follow this Path to its conclusion, the result is a Rebirth or Enlightenment, a direct experience of Spirit within, a Supreme Liberation, which –


• Six – marks the end of sin and suffering, and which –


• Seven – issues in social action of mercy and compassion on behalf of all sentient beings

I particularly liked the instructor's discussion of these truths in the lecture:

I find this really amazing. Granted, the majority of religious people believe that their religion is the “best” or “true” religion. But many people have not studied other traditions and when they do they start to see these similarities. For example, every religion recognizes that something is “wrong” and that we are in need of “salvation.” All religions teach us that the source of salvation, whether called “Jesus” or “Allah” or “Yahweh” is found within. They are not saying that God is only within but that we must go inside to find the divine. All religions suggest a path that we must follow to find the salvation we are seeking.

When you look at it through this lens, we are all not that different after all. Smith presents an interesting counter-position, however, in his discussion of whether one religion is superior to the others. Specifically, he says:

A second position lies at the opposite end of the spectrum: It holds that the religions are all basically alike. Differences are acknowledged but, according to this second view, they are incidental in comparison to the great enduring truths on which the religions unite. This appeals to our longing for human togetherness, but on inspection it proves to be the trickiest position of the three. For as soon as it moves beyond vague generalities [like the Golden Rule]… it founders on the fact that the religions differ in what they consider essential and what negotiable.

A friend of mine recently gave a talk at her church entitled “Gaining and Strengthening Your Testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ” (see also this post from two days ago). In it, she comments on whether multiple roads can all lead to God:

As we discuss testimonies, it is important to remember why it is key to have knowledge of the doctrines of the restoration. Elder Delbert L Stapley expounded on this in an article from a May 1977 Ensign entitled “What Constitutes the True Church,”

He reminds us of the scripture in Matthew 7:13-14 which states, “Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” Elder Stapley continues by saying, “Does that statement by the Savior suggest there are many ways to heaven? Many people do accept man’s philosophy that “all roads lead to God,” but it is a philosophy inconsistent with the teachings of our Lord. There is no logic or reason to the proposition that inconsistent teachings and differing doctrines can bring about the same results. If truth comes from one source—God—how can it be so diversely taught? The Savior didn’t choose any of the churches established by man, either when He ministered on earth or in these latter days. He organized His own church with prophets and apostles, with a gospel plan of salvation and exaltation. It was the church of Jesus Christ.” Elder Stapley concludes his talk by stating that those of us that are members of the church “must learn the truth for a surety and not merely suppose we are right. It is our responsibility to know—and by the aid of the scriptures and the Holy Ghost one can know without any doubt.”

But those who are already members of the church are not the only ones that can gain a testimony of these things, any person can receive a revelation of these principles if they so desire.

I’m personally not ready to believe that there is only one true church or religion. In the context of the “spectrum of consciousness” and the stages of “spiritual unfolding” (other concepts from Ken Wilber), it strikes me as wanting in terms of trans-rational development. So, with due respect to Smith, for the time-being, I’m going to focus on the elements of religion that unite all the wisdom traditions.

Finally, with respect to religion, Wilber draws a distinction between "translation" and "transformation". As the instructor described it in his lecture:

When you look at religion sociologically as we have in this class you see two general tendencies. There is the religion that helps us “translate” our lives by ritualizing certain events, etc. This is like moving the furniture around on one floor of a multi-story house. The other side of religion helps us “transform” our lives where instead of moving the furniture around on one floor we change floors. Part of this understanding is that both parts of religion are needed. But what most often happens and is obvious to the critics of religion is that people use religion to translate their lives but not to transform their lives. Many of the problems you can point out about religious people (back to the idea of hypocrisy again) has to do with this.

So far, so good. But I found the subsequent discussion of translation versus transformation by Wilber both deeply interesting and deeply disturbing.

But religion has also served – in a usually very, very small minority – the function of radical transformation and liberation. This function of religion does not fortify the separate self, but utterly shatters it – not consolation but devastation, not entrenchment but emptiness, not complacency but explosion, not comfort but revolution – in short, not a conventional bolstering of consciousness but a radical transmutation and transformation at the deepest seat of consciousness itself ...

Where translative religion offers legitimacy, transformative religion offers authenticity. For those few individuals who are ready – that is, sick with the suffering of the separate self, and no longer able to embrace the legitimate worldview – then a transformative opening to true authenticity, true enlightenment, true liberation, calls more and more insistently. And, depending upon your capacity for suffering, you will sooner or later answer the call of authenticity, of transformation, of liberation on the lost horizon of infinity … Transformative spirituality, authentic spirituality, is therefore revolutionary. It does not legitimate the world, it breaks the world; it does not console the world, it shatters it. And it does not render the self content, it renders it undone.

Right now, “a transformative opening to true authenticity, true enlightenment, true liberation, calls more and more insistently” but I hadn’t anticipated it causing “devastation” or the self to be rendered "undone". Perhaps that was naïve on my part. I am currently in the midst of those feelings. I had assumed they would end soon. Apparently, it is only the beginning.

Buying a better environment

I was reading the San Jose Mercury News the other day and came across this article regarding businesses that are helping alleviate gas emissions and people's guilt around those emissions. The intro to the article is:

Jason Buberel was racked with guilt that his car spews carbon dioxide and, he believes, furthers global warming.

So Buberel pays $50 a year to TerraPass, a Menlo Park start-up that promises to use the money to fund projects that reduce carbon emissions and otherwise offset the carbon emissions of Buberel's car.

"I do believe that humans are contributing to global warming,'' said Buberel, 35, who lives in Sunnyvale. " But I'm not so concerned about it that I would radically change my lifestyle to be carbon emissions free.

"This was an easy way.''

My immediate reaction to this was the sale of indulgences by the Catholic Church in the Middle Ages and Renaissance and the Protestant Reformation it helped fuel. But once I got past this introduction, I was genuinely intrigued with what these two start-up companies TerraPass and Drive Neutral, are doing. TerraPass aggregates payments from individuals and funds clean energy projects that reduce industrial carbon dioxide emissions. Drive Neutral takes a more market-driven approach in which aggregate payments from indivudals to purchase emission credits on the Chicago Climate Exchange (CCX) and then retire them. By purchasing these credits, it reduces the supply available to industry, helps increase their price on the exchange, and stimulates the market in pollution reduction. This latter approach is particularly clever in my opinion.

I went ahead and bought a TerraPass this morning in addition to a credit on Drive Neutral. I've always been concerned with the environment but I've gotten especially concerned about it since my kids were born. I wonder what condition the world will be in 20 years from now when JD and AJ are beginning their careers and getting ready to have families of their own. I've been struggling with what I can do to help reverse the troubling trends around global warming, oil dependence, etc. I haven't come up with any breakthroughs. I guess it's one of those "think globally, act locally" type of things (see these tips), but I would like to make a bigger impact in this area than I am today. With everything else I have going on in my life right now, I suppose I need to pick my battles. At least for today, perhaps my money can do some good even if I don't have the time to personally focus on this.

All I need is a miracle

LM (a friend of HG) recently gave a talk at her church entitled "Gaining and Strengthening Your Testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ". I was in the audience for the talk and later received a written copy via HG. Like most things LM does, this talk was very well done. The part I found the most interesting was LM's reminder that most testimonies are not born of miracles or visitations by angels:

In an article by Robert L. Simpson, “How to Gain and Hold onto Your Testimony,” New Era, Mar. 1972, “My teenage years were very much like those of many youth I talk to from day to day. They frequently say, ‘If the Lord would only let me know for sure, then I would certainly be willing to dedicate my entire life to the work.’ Testimonies built on miracles alone are at best shallow and can only be perpetuated by other miracles. Such is not the eternal process considered best for the acquisition of a testimony that can withstand the troubles” we will encounter in our mortal existence. Think about Laman and Lemuel who saw angels and saw the power of God manifested in their brother Nephi – they fell away.

I think it is especially hard to remember this when many of the characters we read about in the scriptures have seen angels or have heard or even seen God and or His Son Jesus Christ. All but 46 pages of the Book of Mormon were written by men that all had personal visitations by the Savior. There is the story of Josephs Smith first vision, which tells us that Joseph Smith saw God the Father and His son Jesus Christ. Many other prophets of the scriptures talked face to face with the Savior including Adam, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Moses, Isaiah, Ezekiel, Stephen and many more. But we need to remember that we should not expect our testimonies to be born out of such experiences, “For we do not receive a witness until after the trial of our faith.”

In a 1994 general conference address, Elder Robert D. Hales stated, “Though prayer is important in gaining a testimony, we cannot merely ask in prayer for a testimony and expect it to be given immediately to us. Generally, testimony emerges over time and through life’s experiences. We can compare testimony to the process of watching a photograph develop. Powerful impressions of the Spirit come like flashes of light on receptive photographic film. Like the chemicals needed to develop the picture, certain spiritual conditions and experiences are needed in our lives for our personal testimony to develop into a certain truth and knowledge. And like a photograph, a testimony, if not carefully preserved, will fade with time.” (How You Can Know)

I especially like this photography metaphor. The photograph of my faith is only barely visible at this point but will develop (or fade) over time. It would certainly be easier to believe in God or a particular religion if God made his intentions clear via either a direct visitation/communication and/or a miracle. But then it wouldn't be "belief" - it would just be objective knowledge which would probably be less motivational than the objective knowledge that 2+2=4. There's something to be said, I think, for having to make the leap to believe in something that we cannot objectively verify. As LM points out in the introduction to her talk:

President Harold B. Lee (1899–1973) said about testimony that, “your heart tells you things your mind doesn’t know” (Speeches of the Year, 1973, 101).

Notorious G.N.P.

My previous post reminded me of something that happened at work recently. A different person just joined the finance team with the first name as me. This presented the obvious dilemma of how to direct a question at one of us when the other is present. Many alternatives were bantered about including using our last names, G1 / G2, etc. Ultimately the folks in our HR department settled on calling me “Buddy”.

Now, there's nothing wrong with "Buddy". I actually like it. But I decided to have some fun with this so I explored hip-hop alternatives. If Sean Combs can go by “Puffy”, “Puff Daddy”, “Diddy”, “P. Diddy”, etc, I figured there must be plenty of options for me too. Here are but a few that came to mind (that I sent around via email for others to vote on):

• OG – either Original Gangsta or Original [first name] depending on your preference


• Finance Gangsta


• P&L Hustla


• Notorious G.N.P.


• Phat Margins


• G Unit


• Ice G

To complete this "hip hop transformation", some members of my crew (department) generously offered to purchase this essential hip hop fashion accessory for me. It arrived two days ago but the belt is still missing so I haven't premiered it at work yet. To the extent you're in the market for an LED belt buckle, please note that this one is incredibly hard to program.

With all the votes in, Notorious G.N.P. was the most popular hip-hop name followed by Phat Margins. Most people agreed, though, that Notorious G.N.P. is a mouthful so some folks said they'd use OG or Buddy for short. One person even suggested Piggie (since Notorious B.I.G. went by Biggie).

Believe it or not, there is a reason I'm sharing this with you (aside from the fact that I find it personally amusing). It relates back to my comment about being worried about being judged by others and about being worried about what other people think of me. Especially at work, I've found that I've been reluctant sometimes to be myself. I feel like I need to live up to some image of how business people do or don't act - or at least some image that others have of me. And that doesn't, for example, include listening to hip-hop music on the radio or having a nickname patterned after a rapper.

For those of you really into business, this reminded me of an interview I read on diversity. In it, the HBS professor said:

Whether you have ten employees or ten thousand employees, all of those people must feel comfortable bringing forward their unique perspective on a problem and explaining to others where that perspective comes from instead of hiding their true feelings. Their perspective could be grounded in something as simple as being from a certain community and realizing that people in that community will think about the company's product in a certain way. But if they have to hide that aspect of their background, the company can not be effective.

My whole point here is that I'm slowly becoming more comfortable being myself and letting my true personality shine through. It's actually quite liberating. The next time you see me, feel free to say "wuz up Piggie?" and, if you ask nicely, I might even let you borrow my new belt buckle.

The wind beneath my wings

When I turned 30 roughly two years ago (June 2004), my wife organized a surprise birthday party for me at a local park. For reasons I won't get into, I almost missed my party. But I'm so glad I didn't. It was the best birthday present I've ever received (and I'll always be grateful to my wife for giving it to me). In addition to the shear amount of work that went into organizing the party (especially with the birth of our second son only one month earlier), I was astonished at the turn-out of people - some of whom I hadn't seen in quite some time. I still remember how good it felt to know that people genuinely cared about me. It gave me confidence that I could tackle any challenge that life presented.

I was reminded of that feeling today. I sent out an email announcement last night regarding this blog. Honestly, I was initially hesitant to start this blog and even more hesitant to share it with others. There was definitely a part of me that was afraid of being judged or being vulnerable to what others might say or do with this information. But I'm glad I pushed past those fears and shared all of this with you.

Thank you for the kind emails and comments today. It means so much to me to know that I have all of you in my life and that I can count on your support. Please know that I will support you in whatever way I can. Each of you is in my heart every day.

What's the most popular religion in the world?

About two months ago, I came across this article on Ask Yahoo!. In addition to the response itself, there are a number of other useful links to pie graphs, timelines, etc. I can't decide what I find more extraordinary - (a) that there are 5.2 billion people who are religious or (b) that there are 1.1 billion people who are "non-religious" or (c) that less than one half of one percent of the population is atheist. Although figures vary for each country, of the 1.1 billion (16%) who self-identify as "non-religious", roughly half of them also answer "yes" when asked if they believe in God or a Higher Power. So, loosely speaking, 84% of the population is religious, 8% is non-religious but believes in God, 7.5% aren't sure whether God exists (agnostic), and 0.5% don't believe in God (atheist). That just seems amazing to me. What is it in us as human beings that causes so many of us (more than 9 out of every 10 people) to believe in something that we can't see or touch or directly interact with? Granted, I'm one of those 9 out of 10 people now but it was a hard-sought battle to get there.

The other thing I find fascinating about this data is that if 9 out of 10 people believe in God, why isn't the world a better place? For example, one out of every three people is Christian. As my philosophy professor put it in one of his lectures, "imagine the state of the world if 2 billion Christians were living lives transformed by prayer and love into lives of service and compassion. What would 2 billion Mother Teresa’s and Saint Francis’ bring about? Would it bring about heaven on earth? The Kingdom of God promised by Christ? As one pundit said, Christianity has not failed so much as it has not been tried." Obviously we need to draw a distinction between the teachings and beliefs of a particular religion and the (imperfect) people who practice that religion. But it is an interesting thought-experiment to consider what the world would be like if we all lived our beliefs every single day.

Our troubles are uniquely ours

My brother-in-law JG (SG's husband) was also called recently to give a talk in church. His talk was entitled "Turning to Christ During Times of Loss or Despair". The whole talk was very well thought-out and insightful. There was one excerpt, in particular, that stood out for me:

We may think that other people live blessed and charmed lives. What is more likely true is that those people keep their pain and suffering to themselves, and choose not to be miserable. It is interesting that whenever I get to know a charmed person well enough, I inevitably find that there are many troubles the person is dealing with below the surface. I have not yet found a person with whom I would change places, trading my troubles for their troubles. Our troubles our uniquely suited to help us develop.

I know that I personally look around sometimes and wonder why no one seems to have the same challenges as I do. Everyone (well almost everyone) seem to have their act pretty well together, but I guess others would likely say that of me. As JG puts it, "our troubles are uniquely suited to help us develop" so I guess I wouldn't want things otherwise - although I must admit, the grass often does look greener on the other side.

Perfection in an imperfect world

My sister-in-law SG recently gave a talk at her church entitled "Following Christ's Admonition of Perfection in an Imperfect World". The whole talk was very well done. I especially liked this excerpt regarding a Mormon missionary:

One day, MK and his companion spent the day tracting and working with new members. They were walking home, when they saw a young girl who was hurt and crying. MK stopped, took out his handkerchief, and wiped this young girl’s tears and the blood as best he could. He wrapped his handkerchief around the cut. Then he held her until she stopped crying He left his handkerchief with her. Recounting the events in his journal, he wrote, “On this day, I did what Jesus would have done. Today I was perfect.”

As a "recovering perfectionist", I've spent a large portion of my life trying to be perfect - but certainly (unfortunately) not in the way described in this talk. After this example, SG commented that a perfect day is not when everything goes right for you but when you choose the right way or when nice things happen to you but when you are able to be nice. I think that's a great way of looking at things.

There was another example in SG's talk that I found intriguing - the idea of fasting from the world for a month (not all that different from Ramadan in Islam).

The bishop in my sister’s ward often gives his ward members challenges. For three years now, the January challenge has been to fast from the world for a month, turning off the television, videos, and video games, avoiding movies, popular magazines, and popular radio stations. Through this fast from the world, many of the ward members have found spiritual strength, just as fasting from food gives us spiritual strength. Sacrifice brings us closer to perfection.

Honestly, I don't know if I could pull this off but it is intriguing. There are just so many distractions in life that it's often hard to focus on the things that matter the most.

PHIL025 @ Foothill College

In my previous post regarding my "world view", I mentioned an online religion course I'm taking at Foothill College. If any of you are interested in learning more about the western religions (primarily Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), I would highly recommend this course. And the beauty of it is that regardless of where you live in the world, you can take this course since it's online. All you need is a Web browser. In my "class" right now, there are people from as far away as China and Taiwen. Each week, there is an assigned reading from The World's Religions by Huston Smith and a lecture that students download and read. The students then have to write a reflection on the reading/lecture. That's actually where I got the idea for this blog. As I've been going through this course, it's been helpful for me to actively reflect on what I'm learning rather than passively reading the material and moving on.

One other quick note on this course. The instructor (John Provost) is amazing. While the Smith book is quite good, I feel like I've gotten even more out of Mr. Provost's lectures. He takes a very-balanced view to all the religions and also challenges you to see issues from various perspectives.

My world view

I'm currently taking an online religion course through Foothill College. It's focused on the western religions so we're reading about Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. The midterm assignment was to write a 1,500 word essay on your "world view". The exact topic of the essay was left pretty open-ended but the professor suggested that people answer questions like why they took this class in the first place and why they believe the things they do regarding religion (or other topics if religion isn't important to them). So here's what I wrote...

Becoming a parent is a clarifying event in a person’s life. I have two sons. JD will turn four in a couple weeks and AJ will be two in May. In the months leading up to JD’s birth, I began to do a lot of soul-searching regarding the type of parent I wanted to be; which, in turn, made me think more generally regarding what type of person, husband, son, brother, co-worker, etc I wanted to be. This two-year period of self-analysis culminated in what I refer to as a “personal goal map”.

Over the last 18 months, I have lost 40 pounds – and kept the weight off. I have mended my relationship with my parents and opened up new lines of communication on that front. I have deepened and strengthened my relationship with my wife. And I have overcome (or at least made significant process towards) some of my personal demons such as being a workaholic to the detriment of my personal relationships. I have accomplished a lot in a relatively short period of time and I am proud of that.

But there is definitely something still missing. I have a multitude of blessings in my life but I am often left wondering what my life means in the grand scheme of things. In the context of my personal goal map, I still lack the religion and spirituality component – taking time to step back, reflect, and meditate and determining an affiliation with a particular religion (if any). This was my primary motivation for taking this class. By better understanding the world’s religions (or at least the western religions), I can integrate elements of these wisdom traditions into my own world view and potentially also decide which of them I want to affiliate myself with and go deeper into that particular faith / community. Also, as I mentioned in my reflection to the first lecture, I hope this course will help me get closer to unconditioned reality and be able to refract bits of its light and energy for my children and those around me. I wish to see past specific religious language (that turns me off) to the wisdom and unconditioned reality that lies beneath (that turns me on).

In terms of my current spiritual beliefs, I would summarize them as follows:

• There is a caring and merciful God.


• God attributes more significance to being a good person (doing unto other as you would have them do unto you) than to adhering to a particular religious doctrine.


• God hears our prayers and will provide support, but only if we are true of heart in making those requests


• Everything happens for a reason – even if the reason isn’t immediately apparent.


• Everyone has a purpose in life – and mine is to solve complex problems.

I haven’t always believed in God. My father is Hindu and my mother is Christian. Rather than select one of those religions on my behalf, my parents decided to go the opposite direction and not make religion a meaningful aspect of my childhood. We did not attend religious services and rarely discussed religion in our home. We did celebrate Christmas and Easter but those holidays were much more about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny than they were about the life or resurrection of Christ. When I was younger, I referred to myself as an atheist. In hindsight, agnostic would have been a more accurate label. As time has gone on, I have come to refer to myself as “unaffiliated” since I believe in God but am not affiliated with a particular religion.

My belief in God actually happened quite suddenly when I was 19. My wife (then girlfriend) and her family are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – the Mormon Church as it’s more commonly referred to. As my wife’s sister was preparing for her mission to Chile, I began talking to her about religion in general and the Mormon faith in particular. Specifically, I asked her how someone goes from not believing in God to believing. Her simple answer to that question is that you pray about it – you read a particular faith’s doctrinal materials (e.g., the Bible) and ask God whether that faith is “true”. So, that’s what I did. One night I read portions of the Book of Mormon and kneeled down by my bed to pray about it. At first, my mind was very chaotic and I couldn’t focus on what I wanted to say to God. But, moments later, my mind become very clear and I felt peaceful. The feeling didn’t last long and I wasn’t “saying” anything at the time, but that brief moment solidified my belief in God. My interest in God had been growing over time and there were certainly seeds planted prior to this, but that one moment, that feeling of peace was the tipping point.

Ironically, the moment that solidified my belief in God in general did not solidify my belief in the Mormon Church in particular – although the genesis of that pivotal prayer was reading the Book of Mormon. At the time, I was simply seeking the existence of God – something larger than myself. I wasn’t ready for more than that and God didn’t proactively offer it up. Since then, I have been reluctant to explore religion further or adhere to a particular religious doctrine. It’s just too hard for me to buy into a specific set of facts regarding events that took place two thousand (or more) years ago. Also, in the back of my mind, I wonder whether choosing to affiliate with a particular religion means that I am implicitly saying that one religion is “right” and the others are “wrong”. Therefore, I have steered clear of specific religious doctrine and consider most (if not all) of it as myth (useful in terms of revealing wisdom but likely untrue or exaggerated in a literal sense). Instead, I’ve focused on being a “good” person (more accurately a better person today than I was yesterday) and have tried to follow the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would them do unto you. As close as I can tell (and this course is helping fill in some blanks), the Golden Rule is one thread that runs through every religion. In terms of the lectures from the course, this approach seems in line with the idea of post-dogmatic religion in which there is less emphasis on what you believe than on how you live. It also seems in line with the Jewish belief that all good people who follow their conscience are loved by God and will receive his mercy regardless of their specific faith.

Regarding my final three spiritual beliefs (God hears our prayers, everything happens for a reason, and everyone has a purpose in life), those beliefs have emerged out of personal experience. In one of the lectures, it said that people often develop their belief systems by forming hypotheses regarding how life works and then observing whether those hypotheses are confirmed or denied over time through personal experience. That is certainly the case for me. I don’t pray that often and when I do, I try to focus on thanking God for what I have rather than asking for something I lack. But there have been instances where I have felt overwhelmed by a situation and have enlisted God’s assistance (and received it). For example, one of my cats (Max) was recently diagnosed with cancer. While we pursued chemotherapy, I also asked God to give me the ability to know when we should end Max’s suffering. Max didn’t respond to the chemotherapy. While it was a very difficult decision to put him to sleep, I considered my prayer answered since I knew in my heart when the time was right. A similar thought process applies to the belief that everything happens for a reason. While life seems chaotic and random, there have been enough instances to the contrary that now I believe that God has a more active hand in things – often presenting us with challenges now so we can be strong enough later to do what we need to do.

Finally, in terms of everyone having a purpose in life, I had always struggled with that question. I wanted to believe it was true but I didn’t know what my purpose was. One day, I was reading an article about the book The Purpose-Driven Life and one of the examples was a person who felt their purpose was bringing order to chaos. The thing that really struck me about the example is that the person had always wondered why chaos seemed to follow him wherever he went (and resented it). But when he thought about his purpose in life, it become clear that anything to the contrary would be counter to God’s plan – and the person began to embrace the chaos that often entered his life. This got me thinking about the fact that people constantly bring me complex problems to help them solve. It happens all the time and sometimes the multitude of problems annoys me since it taxes my energy and ability to spend time on other things like my family, health, etc. But rather than resent these requests, I have come to believe that solving these complex problems is my purpose in life and it brings pleasure to God – although I still struggle with balancing these requests with other personal considerations.

This is my current world view. I am sure it will continue to evolve in the future and I sincerely hope that experiences such as taking this course will help inform it for the better – for both my sake and the sake of those I love.

In the beginning

Since becoming a parent four years ago, I've given a lot of thought to the type of role model I want to be for my kids. That, by extension, has caused me to give a lot of thought to the type of person I want to be in general. Upon closer examination, there were a number of areas that needed a lot of improvement. So I've tried to tackle them as best I can. The process continues today and will continue for the rest of my life.

Regarding the title of this blog, “GNP 3.0” is actually a slight play on words. I developed many of my personal goals right around my 30th birthday and software releases typically have version numbers such as 1.0, 2.0, etc. Therefore, GNP 3.0 was a short-hand that I used to refer to the collective set of things I was / am trying to accomplish in my thirties. I turn 32 in June.

In terms of what I'm trying to achieve, I would say I want to be someone who...

• Seeks happiness


• Recognizes his many blessings and appreciates what he has


• Strives to be great
  

In terms of creating a blog, I thought it would be a useful way for me to reflect on what I'm doing and learning. It's also a convenient way for me to share this process with those I care about. If you see something that peaks your interest, please post a comment. Otherwise, just feel free to drop in whenever you want to see what I'm working on. This blog is really for my benefit ... but you're all welcome to come along for the ride along with me.