I'm all in

Part one of the "temple tour" is complete. For those of you who like to cut to the chase, here are the key takeaways. I now know that I know. I will bear my testimony of that at the December 2 fast & testimony meeting (even though I won't be a member at that point). Future temple visits and discussions will focus on (a) how to maintain and deepen my testimony & commitment once I come out of the "honeymoon period" with the Church and (b) how to be ready for what will be asked of me. As an aside, if there was any doubt before, I have officially lost my mind - but it's a very good thing.

I'm guessing at least one of you is interested in the details so here you go. Today, I visited the Fresno temple with my wife's uncle (GH) - see previous post for rationale. I fasted for the visit - which was both easier and harder than I had predicted - although the level of difficulty is mostly irrelevant since fasting was asked of me so I didn't have any choice in the matter. During the visit, I met the President of the California Fresno Mission along with the First Counselor of the Fresno Temple (FCF, who also happened to have served as a Mission President in Australia and whose birthday is the day after I'm planning to be baptized). The Fresno Mission President (PB) was formerly the Stake President in Utah for my sister-in-law NR (the one who led to my first spiritual experience with the Church 14 years ago) and her husband. He also happened to know the California San Francisco Mission President (who I met with 8 days ago) and called him prior to my visit. GH's great-grandfather joined the Church in October 1830 - 6 months after it was established - and probably knew Joseph Smith personally. And, during the visit, I also happened to meet a couple who are friends of my mother-in-law and father-in-law from a number of years ago. All purely coincidence? I personally don't think so but others can make their own judgments.

In terms of the visit itself, GH and I met PB outside of the Temple at 11am. I asked GH to start us off with a prayer - which he graciously accommodated. We chatted for a little bit before entering the lobby of the Temple. PB introduced me to FCF and the three of us talked for about a half hour. During that conversation, PB and FCF talked about different aspects of temples along with various Church beliefs. After awhile, they asked me if there were any specific questions they could answer and I said "no". In fact, I said that, as they were talking, I felt that they were "preaching to the converted" and that perhaps that feeling was the point of my visit to this particular Temple. Making that statement was basically when I knew that I knew. [As an aside, if you haven't heard or read the "Knowing That We Know" talk from the last General Conference, definitely check it out if you're interested in building a personal testimony.]

After this discussion with FCF, PB and I took a short walk around the grounds. We talked about the "Knowing That We Know" talk. I also told him that I have a feeling that God will ask a great deal from me - especially given the stature of people he is sending to me now - and that thought was both humbling and scary. Specifically, I'm concerned that I won't have the right level of enthusiasm (or attitude) at the time (due to other considerations in my life like work or family) and/or that I won't have the ability to live up to the calling. PB had some very helpful and comforting insights in this regard. He shared that he has had callings of his own that he feared his wasn't qualified for or that there had been a mistake in the revelation that had been received - but in all of those instances, God had given him the strength and ability that he needed to fulfill his responsibilities.

I hate to make a gambling analogy is the context of religion but it's been in my head all day. Both during and after the visit, the phrase "I'm all in" kept going through my mind. I was taking all my chips and making this bet, this leap of faith, on the Church. There are still a number of things I don't know about the Church, the Book of Mormon, etc but I'm betting all my chips. I'm "all in" at this point.

That's everything for the Temple visit itself. During the 3-hour drive home, I had time to reflect on what had happened today. During that drive, I came to some additional conclusions (that I believe are at the prompting of the Spirit). First, I have three more temple visits before I get baptized (Sacramento, Oakland, and DC). Given the fact that I now have a testimony, what am I supposed to get out of those others visits? I don't know for sure but I believe one aspect of that is trying to answer two questions: (a) how to maintain and deepen my testimony & commitment once I come out of the "honeymoon period" with the Church and (b) how to be ready for what will be asked of me. In terms of the first question, I was talking to my brother-in-law JG last night and he compared a testimony to a marriage. In his case, he was comparing the question "when did you know that you know?" to "when did you know that you love your wife?" But that got me thinking more broadly about testimony and commitment building in the context of marriage. In particular, I was thinking about how many people have the misconception that if you find the right person to marry, everything else should come totally naturally and that you'll live "happily ever after". In reality, having a strong marriage takes a lot of work, particularly after you get past the excitement of the "honeymoon period" and settle into regular, day-to-day life. At that point, it becomes easy to take the marriage for granted and invest your energies in other areas of your life when in reality the marriage needs more (not less) attention at each subsequent stage.

And, second, I decided to bear my testimony at the next fast & testimony meeting on Sunday, December 2. That is coincidentally the day after I'm planning to visit the Sacramento and Oakland temples. While potentially odd (since I won't be a member at that point), the rationale is multi-fold: (a) serve as a forcing function and test of my testimony, (b) help reinforce or build the testimony of others, and (c) help ward off evil. This last element may not be immediately obvious. Multiple people have told me that Satan works hardest on people during the period in between when they decide to be baptized and when the baptism actually occurs. Given the long delay between now and January 19, I may be especially exposed in that regard. Which also means that I can most use the help and support of others - hence the public proclamation on December 2 (and a similar proclamation and request for help here in this blog).

One final thought. I would have never requested that GH have a stroke and almost die (multiple times). But I am personally grateful that happened in his life. Had it not, I would have never taken a personal interest in GH and his wife PH - and today's experience wouldn't have been possible. At some point in the future, it's possible that I still would have gained a testimony of the Church. It's possible that I would come to know that I know. But I personally believe that it was supposed to happen today in this way - that in the grand scheme of things all of these things (including GH's health struggles) have happened for a reason. And at least today, that reason was to help me build my testimony. So I am grateful for that and continue to be in awe of the interconnectedness of our lives.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.