Facing Darkness

It's interesting to see how certain topics suddenly get popular in the press. In the last week, I've seen two articles on men and depression. The first was in Men's Health, entitled "Exercising Your Demons", and the second was in Newsweek, entitled "Facing Darkness". Both articles pointed out that depression in men has classicly been misdiagnosed and that men are very reluctant to admit to the problem. Rather, men exhibit tendencies towards alcoholism, violence, extreme exercise, hard work, and suicide. Men also tend to fly off the handle about little things like bad service or some other seemingly minor incident.

A couple of excerpts from the Men's Health article:

"It's understandable that women are three times more likely than men to be treated for depression; our culture has put a feminine face on the disease, so women give themselves permission to feel it and to seek help for it. Polluck puts it this way: 'We have in our society a feminized view of depression, coming out of a model of hysteria that dates back to Freud.' Terrance Real, author of I Don't Want to Talk About It, and a marriage and family therapist in Massachusetts, wrote, 'There is a terrible collusion in our society, a cultural cover-up about depression in men.' And part of the cultural influence involves the way men are taught from early childhood to be strong, silent, independent, and resistant to suffering. As Real puts it, 'Men have about a millisecond's tolerance for feeling [this type of] pain, and then they spring into action. A flight from shame into grandiosity lies at the heart of male covert depression.'"

"The social conditioning that leads to men's response to depression begins in infancy. Male babies receive less of every type of nurturing, including speech, touch, and comfort when they cry. And that is only the beginning of what will be, to one degree or another, a brutal upbringing for boys. In the 1960s, the crusading social psychologist Jeanne Block and her colleagues explored how differently parents treat boys and girls. For instance, moms and dads encourage boys to be competitive and to achieve. They don't like them to show their emotions. They encourage them to be less dependent; mothers push them away. They punish them more than they punish girls. And they are unaware that they treat boys and girls differently."

"But there is not much in our cultural definition of what it means to be a man that is inherent to maleness. Children start off surprisingly alike, whether they're boys or girls. If there's a difference, it's the opposite of what the culture seems to expect: Boys are more sensitive. They give expression to their emotions more readily than girls. They affiliate with others in the same way as girls. Then someone tells them it's not okay to be that way. If you act like that, you're a pussy. As Real and others have explained, it is through this process of denial that men are primed for depression. And it is the cultural necessity of carrying out and carrying on this process that makes it so difficult for them to recognize and admit to depression when it comes. They not only don't acknowledge it to themselves, they often don't display the symptoms that psychotherapists use to diagnose depression. The cultural training that lays the groundwork for depression in men and for their denial of it later in life involves social isolation. That means telling people the truth about yourself and trusting that they'll do the same, a concept that seems terrifying to many men."

The Newsweek article has a sidebar called "The Sad Legacy of Depressed Parents". The most interesting excerpt was:

In one recent study at Columbia University, researchers found that rates of anxiety disorders and depression were three times as high among the adult children of depressed parents as they were among people whose parents were not depressed. Adult children of depressed parents also reported about five times the rate of cardiovascular disease—a sign that emotional disorders affect more than mood. Even kids who manage to succeed socially often struggle at home to care for their parents or younger siblings. "Depression has an entire family dynamic," says Myrna Weissman, the lead researcher in the Columbia study.

Both articles had little quizes men could take to determine whether they suffer from depression. I failed (or passed, depending on your perspective) both quizes. But it wasn't a surprise. After an initial period of excitement with my new job, the stress (mostly self-imposed) has really gotten to me over the last three months. I've always had a disposition towards working hard. I've also increasingly been getting really upset (and staying upset) about really minor, stupid stuff. And I've been having trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep - so then I'm tired a lot. It's definitely a viscous cycle I'm in. I've never really felt like I fit in the world. I'm feeling that way now. Perhaps I don't fit; perhaps it's depression; probably the latter. I've also noticed other negative patterns of behavior reemerging so it's time to take action.

Not sure how to break out of this. I've seen a therapist for the last 5 years but I need to work out some issues with my current health insurance before I can see her again. In the meantime, I guess I'll lean on my wife (not that I don't lean on her enough as it is). I should start exercising more regularly as well. Baby steps but positive steps.